People say they love their kids. Would do anything for them… give a kidney, run through fire, or protect them from any outsider who wanted to harm them. I believe this to be true.
Ok, great. How about giving them their happiest parent possible? How about 2 happy parents? Would they do that? Would You?
We think taking care of others means doing for them, giving them things, sacrificing our time, energy and money so they can have. No denying that is a part of the equation but many times it’s not and shouldn’t be the key factor. It’s totally un-pc to say this but our happiness is what makes or breaks our relationships and kids. We can’t be exhausted, unfulfilled, uninspired, unhealthy, un-loved-up and expect our family to thrive. Our overall joy☺ is predicated on how happy and healthy we are and how much we have left to share with others. If we’re drained we have nothing to give or we give the backwash.
I was talking with a friend about her sex life and no need to get into details but let’s just say as soon as she started feeling great about herself (working out, getting enough sleep, projects that inspired her) she felt happier and much sexier and her husband saw the benefits. He wanted her to get as happy as she could get if that was the result! They were better as a couple when each were happy individually and came together to create a more joyful home. The Joy Math supposes that what we bring into the equation of partnership has to be greater or equal then what we expect to get out of it. We can't be with someone in whatever capacity (love, friendship, work) and expect them to add more then we are willing to give ourselves.
It’s far more difficult and unpleasant to be married to, parented by, work with, or be friends with someone who is not flourishing. There are obvious negative-nellies who everyone can clearly see are draining their kids, partner, co-workers and friends, but I’m not talking about that necessarily. I’m more referring to the numb-ers who do, do, do for others and don't give the same or equal to themselves. They numb their needs down which in-turn sets a bad example for their kids of how to live a fulfilling life. Or who are wasting a great marriage by just being in it- not engaging with their love like a lover. And I don’t just mean sex, I mean enjoying life and being with them like it’s an adventure and loveaffair worthy of what they want to create as a family.
Ask your love if they would like to see the happiest most joyful you?
Ask yourself if you don't love seeing them when they're loving their life?
A great way to start is to create your own ME Map and see what is working and not in your current life and start making small increments of change using the Circle Of JOY.
I’m finalizing my WE (Mapping) Workshop, coming this Fall, and one of the key points I’ve found is we can’t be truly happy with someone else if we’re not making our own joy a priority.
Starting with ME makes us a way better WE!