Saturday, September 16, 2017

Hurt People HURT People

Politico's Michael Kruse just wrote an article, The Loneliest President, and not to overstate it but I think he painted a picture of the man so clearly it serves as a snapshot for our world's problems as well: Hurt people end up hurting people.

It's hard to tell how damaged a person is from the outside or fathom why they would purposely harm anyone else. But look around... Nazis marching in the streets.  
One traumatized son of an overbearing father pointing nuclear weapons at another. Emasculated white breadwinners hating dreamers. Sexually abused women taking their anger out on decent men or even their own children. Parishioners committing road-rage on their way home from service. The cycle repeats itself daily and generationally over and over and over.

Healthy adults who came from a sound childhood or healed themselves along the way see pain and anger and it makes them want to help and heal others. At the very least makes them have a bit of compassion for those who are angry and broken.

Sure we all have bad days, annoying destructive habits, and I haven't met a single person who if they were threatened couldn't turn and get a little ugly. But if I see someone being really foul, and angry, and abusive I think how sorry I am for them that they have to go into the world with that burden, that affliction.

Read the article and you can't help feel sorry for Trump's self induced isolation and lack of true connection. Imagine going through life not being able to trust a friend. Making every interaction a transaction. Feeling like everyone is out to get you. Must be a little slice of hell :(

Don't get me wrong, I think he should be impeached and removed from office and not allowed to cause any more harm to others, but it also begs the question: How can we as a society deal with all these walking-wounded adults before they hurt others?

As in triage situations not everyone can or even wants to be healed. If abusers are not willing to get help we need to isolate them and make sure we are taking care of our own well being. Then as a society we all need to ask ourselves...

Who hurt you?

Who are you hurting?

How can we heal individually, as a nation, and as a world?

Thursday, September 7, 2017

WE Mapping

ME Mapping has helped me transform my own life (and others) for over a decade now. WE Mapping is the companion work for couples.

I hope you find it useful in making your life with your love even more JOYful :)

Monday, September 4, 2017

Healthy Love

Finally got to see The Big Sick last night and it did not disappoint. It's the real life lovestory of a comic and what happens when the girl he broke up with gets ill. It's very very funny and touching and leaves one to contemplate: What do you do when you've been raised one way- and even though you want to follow your heart- your family, friends, and society leads you to question yourself?

Of course the answer is: you take a journey...

You decide what's important to you. You decide how it looks, and feels, and who else gets a say in how you live your life and who you love. What is healthy love?

The Big Sick is laugh out loud funny, thought provoking, and will make you believe in love in a big way.

Did I mention it's based in Chicago and still in theaters-- so take a friend or a date now they'll love you for it ;)

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Theme 2017

I like to create a theme for each year so I can keep a simple word or phrase in mind when I get stuck or need a focal point. This year my theme is centered around releasing the struggle of surviving life and taking it up a notch to really live more fully and do it.. you guessed it... JOY fully!

A few friends have already (unprompted) sent me their themes and colors for the year. If you've never tried it give it a go- I think you'll find it to be fun and focusing. 
Cheers to 2017YOU!  ;)

Some previous: 

2015                                             2016


Friday, November 4, 2016


As if I didn't already love Louis C.K. ... he perfectly summarizes why this election is so ridiculous.

You don't need to be a Democrat, or an Independent like myself, to see that Trump is a sucker's bet.

Bottom line: Hillary might be unlikable, but maybe that's because she's had to fight for everything she's achieved and that leaves some sour tastes behind. She might be corrupt-ish, but I'd gladly take someone who's using their deviousness to get children healthcare. She might have used an illegal email system, but she used it while trying to make the world a safer place and stand up for the rights of women around the world. She might have even buried a few bodies along the way (doubtful), but The Clinton Foundation has also helped millions get AIDS drugs (not to mention other good works).

We are now living in a time where inspiration isn't enough... we need a bad-ass-get-shit-done-who-cares-if-it's-pretty NASTY Woman in the White House.

We don't need to like her. We just need to help her get in, then get out of the way and let her work her ass off for our country.  

Saturday, March 26, 2016

March DADness

Quick question: Have you spent more time this week following your team's progress, your candidate's, or your kid's?

I mention this because the news, social media, and overheard conversations lead one to believe that sports and politics are the only thing adults have to focus on in their non-work hours. Sure it's way easier to divert our attention with mindless competition then to tackle the really hard work of coaching our kids to the success we really want them to have. But tough!

This is a sexist assumption so feel free to reverse if it doesn't match your situation but I'm going to go out on a limb and presume that most mothers do the bulk of the logistical and physical work to take care of the kids. This leaves fathers in the "supporting" role and I think that it's time to change that.

I'm not a huge sports fan-- truth be told I only like sports when I can be at a game and when there is an event that is centered around one-- but I do know many men who spend more time watching, bracketing for, and betting on sports then they do directly interacting with their children. And it makes me very sad :(

So how can that be turned around?

Make it more fun and PLAYFULLY competitive to get more involved with our kids. Daddy Up!

Some ways to make Daddying more sporty:

  • Engage more with Teammates (other parents and your kid's friends)
  • Strategize with other Coaches (teachers and coaches)
  • Make Game Plan by mapping out what you'd like them to excel at this season ->
  • TEAM DADDY: take on fatherhood with fun and excitement (get a family/team logo, mascot, color, cheer) 

Kids are exhausting and often annoying and a huge amount of work just to keep their basic needs covered. But they can also be the most fun, most rewarding, and best investment of our time. Turn Daddying into a sport that you invest your time in and the wins will be so worth the bet :)

Friday, February 5, 2016

Are You Well?

Last week on Twitter, Canadian phone company Bell sponsored a #BellLetsTalk day to spread the word that it's time to talk about mental health. Glenn Close released a video addressing trying to end the stigma of mental illness last week as well. And that's great and I agree! But I think there are a lot of people that don't have mental illness, so to speak, but are also not well. Let's call it mild depression. And let's talk about it. 

I'll go first... in 2001 I was super stressed at my job and had some relationship issues that were making me sad and I was just out of sorts. And when I shared that I wasn't feeling great I downplayed it so no one really took me seriously because by nature I was a mostly a happy person. I was the one others came to tell there problems to. Only after I got into a car accident did I finally start to take the issue seriously. At first I tried medication which took the edge off but wasn't really what I needed so I got a therapist and did some real work on myself. 

It snapped me out of the funk enough so that even when the next year a bunch of things started going wrong that were out of my control (deaths, breakup, job change) I was able to cope. One big breakthrough I had came during a weekend seminar I took when I noticed that if I was in a good state my shoulders were relaxed and I could breath normally and when my shoulders were off so was I. At that moment I knew I would never let myself get that stressed and exhausted again. So now whenever I catch myself getting super tense or feeling off I can reset myself because I know how to think my way through the anxiety.

Recently a few friends have come to me sharing that they are having a hard time with this issue or that and when I suggest that they either go talk to a doctor or a therapist they resist. 

We don't have to be mentally ill to kick our mental health up a notch. This can mean everything from evaluating our sleep habits, alcohol consumption, stress levels, unhealed childhood trauma... whatever it may be.

Here's the thing, depression sneaks up on you. Depression doesn't mean someone has mental illness, per se, it might just mean they are exhausted, that there is real stresses they need help with, that there might be a nutritional or hormonal issue that might be wearing on their body. Who knows?  

What I do know is that people die if they don't take care of themselves. If depression goes untreated it can lead to physical illness and further mental issues and for a couple people I've known even suicide. It's not something to just ignore. 

So how are you? Really?

If you haven't been your best please at least get some more rest. If that doesn't help tell someone you aren't doing great and see if you can get some advice from a professional. 

Don't live your life numb or sad or not well. People who care about you are busy with their own lives but I assure you they would want you to stop them and ask for help because they want you well. The burden on your friends and family doesn't come from getting you help it comes with dealing with someone they care about who won't get help. 

And if someone is caring and brave enough to share that they are concerned about you please don't brush them off or be embarrassed or ignore their concerns. If they notice you're not you lately take that as a cue to check in with yourself and see if now might be a good time to get a physical and maybe reassess where you are with other life matters. 

We all deserve a good life! That won't always mean sunshine and rainbows but if you're not good-- get help. I want us all to be well so we can partake in the joy of life :)