Sunday, November 11, 2018

Alternate Ending...



I was once in a seminar where the guy leading it, we'll call him Tom, was sharing how he came to be speaking in front of us. He spoke of the things he had screwed up in his life and how he found his path to the life he is currently living. The one story that really stuck with me is how on his quest to start a more authentic life he went back to repair his relationship with his ex-wife. He said her only question was: why did things end the way they did? 

His blunt answer was: I had made such a mess of things they didn't seem fixable so it was just easier to walk away.  

Not that he had stopped loving her, not that there was someone else- just that the mess seemed overwhelming to him so he ignored it and tried to be a better person without ever looking back. 

I thought of that story recently after seeing two movies - Juliet, Naked and A Star is Born- with characters who wanted to do the same thing: walk away. Close a chapter in their past and just try and start a new one. 

Not going to give away any endings but suffice it to say, it's harder to walk away from our lives then it is to just simply clean them up. Maybe not during to messiest of parts (clean-up sucks!) but for us to have a happy ending for sure. 


We are the authors of our lives and when one of the chapters of it goes awry we get to declare there is another chapter still to be written. It might be messy. It might need editing. But until we're dead, we have infinite options for rewrites & alternate endings. 
re·write
verb . /rΔ“ΛˆrΔ«t/
write (something) again so as to alter or improve it.
What is known by screenwriters- and romantics- is that the ultimate ending is not coasting to an inevitably smooth landing or a quick ride off into the sunset... it is the road to redemption. It's harder, and hillier, and a heck of a lot easier to quit on. But the road to redemption's where things get acknowledged and repaired and fought for-- it is the option few but the strongest attempt. And it brings epic endings!

Bill Cosby might not be morally (or even mentally) up for it but he could admit his sins/crimes and take this opportunity to champion prison reform and correctional education. For decades he was America's father and he's not going to ever get back there- but he could spend the remainder of his life in service being a better person or waste it being a bitter one. A really tragic ending for all involved!

The politicians that are currently using these political divides in our country to make a career and/or a profit could spend their days granted to them in office taking what they can get and go down in history -if at all- being enablers of these times. Or they can spend them bringing our country together, finding bi-partisan agreement, and putting country before party. True Patriotism!  πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ


Tom's ex forgave him for the hurt he inflicted into their marriage and they are both happily re-married, but she did say: it would have been great if you could have worked on yourself while I was there trying to get you to- it really would have been nice if we could have had our own happy ending. πŸ₯Ί


The hero's journey needs conflict to be overcome to allow for the story to be inspiring. It's part of the journey and only thing to be ashamed of is leaving our mess in someone else's path. 

πŸ€”Are we living as the hero in our own story? Are we the villain in someone else's? Are there messes to be cleaned up? Rewrites to be written? 

How do we get to our happily-ever-after?

Yours to say... ✍️

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

The SPLASH




[Warning: There will be lots of shitty language and upsetting thoughts below--- 
if you're having a shitty or delicate day maybe skip this post.]


Shittiness doesn't just have the power to ruin someone's day, or year, or their career but can ruin their entire life or our whole world. 

See, when we are shitty it doesn't neatly stay confined to just us and the person we are shitty to........ it splashes and goes everywhere ........ I mean EVERYWHERE!

Because Stephen Miller is a shitty person a young boy separated from his mother at the border doesn't even recognize her anymore. Because the killer was a shitty husband my high school friend Ron Goldman is dead and his sister, Kim, has spent years of her life anguished by his loss. Because Donald Trump is a shitty president world leaders have had to adjust their economies, foreign policies, and military plans because they no longer have one of their staunchest allies as a reliable partner.

SHIT SPLASH hits the person you're directly shitty to and then ripples and gets on anyone who is in their life... and so on... and so on ... and so on... 

Imagine knowing Harvey Weinstein raped your friend and having to see him win award after award. Well you don't have to, there are women who can tell us how that not only affected their friend but how just knowing there was a serial-rapist in their midst changed what movies they went for, who they might be able to trust, and how they felt about the industry they had dreamed of working in. Clearly it must have been horrible for Louis CK's daughters to hear/read about the creepy things he had done but how shitty must it have been for his tv-daughters to know their director and co-star has now tainted what they spent a good portion of their young lives working on.

How sick must it have been for anyone who knew the true Cosby to see him being touted as America's Dad. He didn't just rape and ruin the lives of his victims he splashed that shit on anyone they loved or dealing with the fallout from their pain. 

The butterfly effect states: a very small change in initial conditions can create a significantly different outcome. That is a delicate way of saying your shit splash can ruin things you aren't even aware of for people who are merely in your vicinity. 
Splash, splash, splash!

We are all shitty at some time in our lives- heck in many of our day-to-day actions- but we can make life and our world better if we: limit how shitty we are to ourselves and others and by leaving less of a crappy-mess behind in our wake.

What can you do if you've been The Splasher?

  • Map It Out: Take an inventory of your life, including your shit.
  • Own your ME-anness: Take responsibility for your energy (& shit).
  • End It: Stop being so shitty and clean up the mess.
  • Do Good: Repair the shit you've broken.
  • Create Art: Make helpful shit. πŸŽ¨πŸ’©πŸ‘

What if you've been a victim of shittiness? 
Do as Oprah did... take all the shit that has happened to you and turn it into fertilizer and  πŸŒ± πŸŒΏ πŸŒ³ GROW!

Thursday, July 26, 2018

My LINE of DEMARCATION




This Spring I lost two friends within weeks of each other. And in addition to the grief I felt I also couldn't help being overwhelmed with inspiration for their amazing lives-- these good, kind, generous, decent, loving people renewed my joy of life and the preciousness of living true to ourselves. I felt a deep urgency not to waste any of the life I have left.

This isn't the first time I've lost people I loved within a short time of each other and if you would have asked me when the before and after of my life was it would have been in 2002. Everyone who knows me well knows of the Summer of Discombobulation ... also highlighted in the start of my workshop and how ME Mapping came into my life.

Well as I was driving away from my dear friend Jim's funeral luncheon in May I recognized I was again in a new place in my life. Within the last three weeks I had visited with my past, been reunited with some people I had not seen in years, made peace with a few ex-friends, and had been reminded death can show up whenever it damn well pleases so none of us are guaranteed a thing.

Weirdly this Summer of 2018 and my 2nd big time of loss and transformation just happens to correspond with a big birthday-- so I have drawn a line of demarcation.
I'm done with anything weighing me down from my first  50 and on to what is worthy of this new time in my life. I had put up with things that weren't working in my life in the past and on this side of the line that's simply not going to work for me.
Life is too short for un-JOYfull living!

I made a Project 50 list of things I want to work on this year and who I want to be in this next decade of my life. It won't be easy to manifest it all but I know what I want and don't want in my life and I'm going to fully practice attracting what I want and decluttering and detaching from what I don't. Existential angst is a good wake up call for how you want to live your life. It's a gift. Not the one I was hoping for (wanted a new iPhoneπŸ“±πŸ˜‰) but hopefully one that will keep me appreciative of life and saying fuck it to anything that is not truly important.

Cheers to the lives and memories of Sue Casey πŸ₯‚and Jim Tulley 🍻
You are loved and missed dearly! 😘😘

Happy Birthday to ME! πŸŽ‚πŸŽ‰πŸŽˆ

Happy joyfull life to us ALL for as long as we are blessed to be here!! 🀘😍✌️

Monday, May 14, 2018

When Can #MeToo Men Return?


When are we letting the #MeToo men out of the doghouse? The debate has begun and I think it's a pretty simple but hard answer... when they're ready to END, MEND, and make AMENDS.

END: They can come back when they've ended the behavior that caused the problem in the first place. And that means: end denying they did it, end blowing off that it was just boys-being-boys, end making women the problem because they stood up for themselves, and end any adjacent behavior that led to women being unsafe in their workplace, home or presence. 

MEND: They can come back when they have healed their own wounds that caused them to inflict themselves on others in the first place. Therapy, rehab, whatever it takes to have admitted their behavior was unacceptable and have begun to get in a healthy place for themselves so they can healthily be with others. 
Not just well-behaved because they're on-guard when being watched; if they haven't gotten help they'll find a new way to exploit others.  

AMENDS: Most of the men who behaved badly probably are going to avoid for various reasons actual criminal consequences for what they've done. That doesn't mean that the women they harassed, assaulted or even raped got to go back to their jobs, families and lives and just move on. Real restitution and amends need to be made to the women that these men caused harm to even when they are not legally forced to do so. If they want back in our sphere they need to have proven they have owned up and repaired- or at least attempted to- the situation.   
We shouldn't let them feel ostracized for a bit then everything's OK if the victims of their abuse haven't gotten an apology and a valid real attempt to be made whole for whatever they were subjected to. 

Simple, but hard for damaged guys to be able to do. 

Forgiveness should be given freely and I believe everyone is redeemable... but they have to do the work first. Otherwise they don't really mean it. If they can't end, mend and make amends they haven't learned the harm they've caused, haven't healed the brokenness in themselves to feel for others, and aren't taking responsibility for cleaning up their messes. 
And if they won't do that they can stay away for good! 

____________________________________________________________

Also see: Due Gooders

[Note: Dogs are too good to be compared to these men but it is meant figuratively. 
And it also goes without saying but will say it anyway... there were both m/f abusers who abused men and children as well. All abusers need to be accountable to be forgiven.]    

Monday, February 26, 2018

Are YOU Man Enough...






... to redefine what it is to be your own man? 
Are you brave enough to be vulnerable? Are you strong enough to be sensitive? Are you confident enough to listen to the women in your life?
Toxic masculinity is not only bad for the women who have been forced to put up with it, but also for the men who don't want to live that way and who have been shown too few role models of how else good strong men show up in the world.  

Justin's talk is heartfelt and heartwarming and a new way forward. What a man!

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Kicking Butt in 2018

This was me last Sunday-- the sidewalk was fine and then one foot on black ice and I was down. In pain that night and barely able to walk the next morning. X-rays, crutches, yada, yada, yada... later that day I was working from my couch leg up, knee iced, and so so thankful nothing was broke only sprained. 

I had been so excited for the new year and within the week I was already in pain after falling on my ass- not a great start. 

Well, maybe it was. Because it reminded me how lucky I am to have: insurance when so many don't; friends who'll come pick me up and take me to the doctor; a job I can do from my couch; a body that can heal itself; and a home that makes me feel safe, warm and cozy. 

Any time I ever question my life, my circumstances, my body, my good fortune, my anything... it takes me rarely more than 15 minutes (I am human afterall πŸ˜‰ ) to remember how lucky I am to be alive. 

A week later, I'm much better, not in a lot of pain, with a slightly bendier knee that feels like it's mending OK. And I'm super grateful that I have this year to look forward to.

Hope you are kicking 2018's butt and not spending a lot of time on yours... and that you have received the gift of gratitude for when you find yourself down and need a reminder how lucky we are to be able to get back up again.     


(A friend sent this to me and said this is how she pictured my fall. If I was only this graceful-- I barely made it 1 foot forward before I went down. So watch yourself folks.)

Friday, January 5, 2018

Hello to Hi Vibe!











The summer of 2002 was a really discombobulated time in my life. I lost two of the people I loved the most (my Nonne & my college sweetheart), left a job that I had been at for over a decade, and was smarting from a breakup. It was not my happy time.

And when I sorted everything out and healed my wounds I declared I would never be in that kind of funk ever again. I made a conscious decision that if things ever fell apart again I would stay calm, collected, and would figure things out remaining grateful for whatever lessons came out of the pain.

Lucky me πŸ™„ when this past summer I got to practice my dedication to this stand. My life was shaken after a few big losses left me with not only heartache but dealing with some real trauma. It would have been super easy to dissolve into a puddle of mope, but I remembered how that goes, so instead I mapped out what needed to be handled and what I wanted and went about creating a path forward. It has not been easy, but along the way I came upon a phrase that has become my new motto...
Hi Vibe!

My pal Jess Lively first introduced me to the phrase when I was listening to her podcast The Lively Show. I have known Jess casually for years and in that time she has gone through tons of changes from a single-jewelry-designer, to married-blogger, to beautifully-uncoupled-and-looking-for-love-world-traveling-top-podcaster. And although she is extraordinary, she is also a normal person.

What is inspiring about her is how she puts herself out in the world and then shares the lessons she learned along the way with such an authenticness that it makes others believe they can create a wonderful life for themselves as well. 

The gist of the phrase (or at least what I took from it) is that your life reflects the vibrational level you put out in the world. More than just positive woo-woo thinking...
Hi Vibe is how your energy is aligning in your mind/body and how you are engaging with yourself, others, and the world. What's your vibe?

Hi Vibe then popped up again in one of my favorite books of 2017, You Are A Badass At Making Money, when Jen Sincero is talking about working with Universal Intelligence. I loved this book and thought it was more then just a coincidence that while in this new phase of growth in my life this phrase kept popping up.

So now that's my new mission: practice and get aligned with living in a Hi Vibe lifestyle. From the language we use, to the way we interact with ourselves or our Uber driver, to everything that comes and goes in and out of our lives-- what are we creating for ourselves? How are we vibing?

For me, I'm making 2018 all about Hi Vibing it :)

Monday, January 1, 2018

Theme 2018








2018's Theme :) 

This year I'm all about living at a vibrational level that makes me happy and calm and grateful.

What are you up to in 2018?

If you haven't created your year yet--- come join in!

(past themes)