It's All About The Conversations We Have (or Don't)

I was at an impressive cocktail party a week ago and the question of what do you do? got me tongue-tied like it never has before. Because I don't really consider myself a writer, even though I've written a book; not really a consultant, even though I help people with business projects; not really a coach, even though I lead monthly workshops. And now by-golly I was really stuck because the project I've been working on about end-of-life choices, called Uthanasia, is not exactly a book but an idea I'm putting forward with no expectations.

So what's with that? Well I think I've kinda narrowed down what I do on the eve of starting on a new project and distributing the latest one... I help people look at their lives and then have valuable conversations about what's important to them.

Life (ME Mapping), death (My Last Wishes... & Uthanasia), business (JOY TH!NK). To me there is nothing more important then knowing what our lives are about and then having the conversations with those we love about what's important to us. And the difference between having and not having the conversations is not only about our happiness, our businesses, our relationships, they're also life and death. No really!

So that's what I'm about and this is the next conversation I want to share with you...

Uthanasia: A Good Ending.

Tears Of JOY!

I cried TEARS OF JOY last night. Now I will admit I am a bit of a weeper anyway... but these were deep happy happy tears of excitement and joy and there is a tingly difference even from tears of laughter.

There is a project that I've been working on (will share sometime soon) and I was struggling for a long time on how to best wrap up what I wanted to say and how to end it powerfully and I found exactly what I wanted to say in the tone I wanted to say it in. And for lack of a better phrase: it was the cherry on top that made it come together deliciously!

We all have great things going on in our lives but if you haven't dreamt a big exciting dream for yourself (no matter wild or mild) I encourage you to reach for one this year. It's hard to get started, sucks almost all the way through the middle, but the cherry!
The flippin' tears of joy are so, so worth it!

Cheers to some wonderful weepin' :)

Who's Onboard Your JOY Journey?

Let's stop the grand delusion that says everyone 

                                      has to be on every journey we take.                                                                                                     

~Brendon Burchard 

Although I've always kind of thought: you're either along for the ride or you're not... while reading Brendon's The Motivation Manifesto these words really struck me.

What if instead of assuming people (whether friends, family, or coworkers) are along for the whole adventure we just think of them as along for this mile of our journey or that one? I've heard the reason, season, or lifetime reference to people being in our lives but this is way more clear and visual to me. 

Besides, we can't bring everyone along for everything or we'll: have no room to explore and welcome the new, be bogged down with more baggage to carry, be burdened by backseat drivers, and often just keep circling endlessly.

I'm going to try and open up my mind and life to journeying solo, traveling lighter, being open to letting people on and off my journeys with grace, and appreciating those that didn't choose to accompany me but still provide an oasis to replenish. 

I hate taking a backseat, mostly because of my extreme motion sickness, so I hope I remember to be supportive of those around I choose not to ride with as well. And with those I do... I hopefully won't weigh them down with my baggage, won't steer them off their path, and won't be a distraction while navigating their own course.

If life is all about the journey not the destination we need to embark with those that bring us joy and make our going a fruitful exploration. Let's let off the people that are not up for it, on those that make the trek more enjoyable, get direction from those we respect, be up for venturing down a different path, and above all take our joyful journey into our own hands. Happy trails :)   

NOTHING Left Unsaid

I had an emotional time on New Year's Day with my yearly ritual of closing out 2014 and creating 2015. So much to mourn and yet be grateful for that I barely started in on 2015 until the next day, which is so unlike me.

2014 was going along just fine until the end of summer when my family started falling apart. Literally. My Dad needed hip-replacement, my Aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, and then my Mom fractured her foot in two places.

Her fall lead to a physical, which lead to heart surgery (5 stents), which had gone well and was leading to a full recovery. That is until a coughing attack while driving lead to a car accident, which lead to her body giving out and dying within the week. So it wasn't so much that it was out of the blue or so sudden but shocking in its own way.

As sad as her death has been it has been peaceful in many ways-- most so in that my Mother and I had nothing left unsaid between us. Not all gushing I should point out. My Mother was not one of those happy-homemaker kind of moms. She was dramatic and narcissistic and difficult... and also funny, creative, smart, and loving.

All these characteristics made it challenging to be her daughter for much of my life. Up until my 30's when I realized she wasn't going to change, she did the best she could, and when we weren't busy fixing each other we could actually have a delightful time together. And part of what brought me to this place was she let me say whatever I had to about our relationship. She didn't necessarily own all her mistakes but she didn't invalidate my experiences and she apologized for not being a great mother... which ironically kinda made her a great mother because most children never get that kind of acknowledgement of the parenting they missed out on.

After her heart surgery she was cranky and being very hard to be around and I told her she needed to choose how she wanted to live out the rest of her life: grateful or bitter. That's the beauty of having worked through your shit you can speak directly to each other. She knew I loved her AND I didn't want to see her flinging her misery at me.

The last thing my Mom wrote before her accident was a thank you note to me
(my sister found it on her table at home being readied to send):

Perfect, right?!

She got to have the last word, go out gracefully and beautifully, and leave me her love and appreciation to hold onto forever.

Please if you are reading this, take this as an opportunity to leave nothing unsaid with the ones you love. Have the difficult conversations, apologize and clean up your messes, lend an open ear if someone needs to clean up theirs, thank people in writing, send love notes. Do whatever you need to do so that no matter what 2015 holds nothing has been left unsaid between you and those you love.

My Mother's last hours were spent peacefully surrounded by my brother, sister and me and she knew she was loved. And even though she wasn't coherent I know she knew she'd done a great job because we were there for her and each other.
All had been said and done so she could truly Rest In Peace.

Creating 2015!

Wishing YOU a fabulous 2015! Hope this helps to create your Best Year Ever :)

ME Mapping: Creating Your Year from Joy Meredith

Jump Start With JOY

[ Diane's Story Of Finding Joy.... & Her Dave ]

January has come to be known as my "Jump Start with Joy" month.  For the past two Januaries (2013 & 2014), I have attended Joy's ME Mapping Workshop which truly helped me transform my life!

I've known Joy since 1987 and have always known her to be talented, smart, witty, creative, caring, and helpful. So, when she told me about her ME Mapping endeavor, I went just to be supportive. The next thing I knew, I was mapping out my life and zeroing in on areas that I wanted to improve (faith, friends, family, career, and health).  

I started a gratitude journal, working out regularly, found more time to spend with friends, and healed from a year of devastating losses. I lost the weight I gained from recent cancer that I could never seem to shed, and even began to date again. All of those things I mapped out became a reality.  

So when 2014 rolled in, I once again attend the ME Workshop and mapped out my life for the year ahead. I focused on a theme and called it my "Fabulous 14" Lifestyle which focused on Faith, Friends, Family, Fitness, Food, and my Focus.  I even picked a symbolic color, fuchsia, and bought a snazzy hot pink coat to remind me of my 2014 purpose.  

I improved in all areas, but my focus area (to engage in a positive relationship based on the Fruits of the Spirit) proved to be the biggest transformation of all!! I wanted to find and maintain a life-long relationship and mapped out (in a giant heart) all of the traits and important qualities I wanted to find. A month later, I met Dave. Dave possessed all of my mapped out qualities and was looking for a similar commitment filled with cooperation, communication, and Christian values. After our first date (which lasted 7 hours), I immediately called Joy and told her I was going to marry him! Three months later, we were engaged and married six months later!

I was able to find joy through Joy!  Ironic, right?  I was able to take the principles of the Circle of Joy (declutter, engage, appreciate) and really see my life.  

Thank you Joy, for helping me find the joy in my life!  

Trish Meredith

My LOVE Is Conditional

I know you're not suppose to say that, it sounds bad. Unloving. But, it's true.

There are three conditions that need to be met no matter if my love is to be given to a friend, lover, or even family member. And if these aren't there then my love won't bloom, grow, or will die very quickly.

Safety: Maslow and I agree, safety is one of our key needs and in a relationship of any kind I need to feel the other person is not a physical or emotional threat so I can relax and be myself. Domestic abuse is a huge issue even today but I don't mean solely being afraid someone might hit us. I also mean they might leave us in an unsafe environment either physically or mentally. None of my close friends are smokers because I can't breathe around smoke. Even though I was raised with guns in my house as a kid, I wouldn't date someone who openly carried one just for their amusement. I wouldn't be friends with someone who refused help and chose to stay in an abusive marriage, drove unsafely while I was in their car, abused substances, had an explosive temper, or endangered themselves on purpose. Because if someone is not concerned with their own mental or physical well being, they surely won't be concerned about mine.

Trust: I don't need to know everyone's business or even my significant other's every thought, I simply need to know if I ask them a question that affects me directly they will answer honestly. Even if the answer is not to my liking or that it's something they're not willing to answer. I need both to to trust that someone has my back, and they say to my face whatever they say behind my back. Which leads to...

Communication: I'm done with any relationships where communication is a guessing game. As I got older I thought that adulthood meant that when a problem popped up the folks involved would sit down and resolve it like "grown ups". Turns out if someone avoided issues in their 20 and 30's they're not going to find themselves magically in their 40's cleaning up their messes and working things out. More likely they'll just leaves bigger messes in their wake. And to that I say: no thanks!

Love is not enough to get us through when we are not safe, trusting, and communicating with the people we proclaim to care so deeply about. It's just not. Because to truly love someone else we need to value ourselves enough to ensure our relationships are healthy.
And trust me, I love myself unconditionally enough to love conditionally ;)