When I was in my 20's and working for Sony I was up in Minnesota for an event I was hosting and was having an annoying morning. It was super early, it was raining, I had stopped to get bagels to bring to the staff and so I was tired, my feet were wet, my hands full and no one was answering the front door. I was crabby!
Just as I'm about to get mad, I see someone coming to let me in. And as I look up at this early hour I can't quite compute what I'm seeing but it was a young guy with no hands opening the door. He had nothing from the elbows down and so he's bending down to open the lock and then stands back and greats me with a huge smile.
I was startled. And then confused. How had he just done that with no fingers and so fast?
My feet dried, the bagels were enjoyed and then later in the morning this guy came over and started asking me questions about our new pro-sumer camera and I marveled at how charming and smart and totally unselfconscious he was. He knew his stuff, knew himself and was not letting his missings make his morning anything but sunny. Wet shoes and sore arms had almost ruined my morning, what a spoiled brat!
Ever since, whenever I've had a bad-body-day it never fails that I almost immediately see someone with a real challenge that snaps me back to the reality of how amazing my body is.
Like I talked about a few post back: millions of people would gladly trade places with us.
From an early age I'd always been one of the tallest kids in my grade and it made me feel like a giant. Luckily my parents were both tall and would talk about how great it was to be tall, so even though I had no sports desire/talent, I knew there were people out there that valued tallness. But even so, I wished I was shorter so I fit in more with my friends and had more options in boys who would ask me to dance.
Before I digress into the shortage of tall guys to date (pun intended 😜), the point is we always want what we think is "better". But we have simply been brainwashed into judging one kind of body as better than another and ours no matter how healthy and wonderful it is, is not as beautiful as it should be. Well, that's ridiculous!
Trust me, I don't love the aging process and the middle-age spread and I myself am currently at the fluffiest I have ever been. But, fuck-it... we are alive! We lived through a pandemic- so yay us!! I joked to a friend of mine that as much as I hate it, this metabolism is what kept my people alive during the great-potato-famine so I should be grateful for these genes 🥔 🍀
Ok, but seriously... I often get asked about my confidence and here is the key:
Focus on what is great about you!
If you do that you will have a much happier life. And here is what I mean: no one is perfect so focus your attentions on what you think is beautiful about you and others will begin to see, if nothing else, your glow of self love. For example, I have beautiful eyes. When I was a kid I wanted dark brown eyes like my Mom or light blue eyes like my Dad, so I was super bummed to have hazel eyes. That was until one day I got something stuck in my eye and while looking in a mirror I realized I had both brown and blue in my eyes. And also flecks of gold!
I'm no supermodel but I have sparkly eyes and when someone looks at me that's one of the first things they compliment. So now you go...
What's something beautiful about you?
If you don't see a dozen things, I suggest you ask a friend, or me, and I will list them for you. Because like everything in our lives if you look for what's not great you'll find it, but if you look for the JOY you'll find that.
Another thing I wanted when I was younger was tan skin even though I am super pasty. Well now I know better, so I no longer bake in the sun covered in baby-oil, but instead hydrate, moisturize, get enough sleep and appreciate how soft and feminine my skin is.
There is ALWAYS going to be prettier, fitter, smarter... pick a category ... people to compare ourselves with. So why do that? Instead, be grateful for whatever you have. If you want to change something, heck ya go for it! But love yourself while you're working on yourself too. And besides, we are all attracted to different forms of beauty. I happen to like bald men, some short guys love tall women... the cankles you hate are going to turn someone else on 😉
Picasso made his art stand out for just focusing in on what he thought was interesting in the essence of person. You got a crooked nose, rock it! Weird ears, I hear ya! Big booty, shake it! You are a masterpiece and so love your body and focus solely on how gorgeous you are and I promise you will be even that much more beautiful, Happy Happy and JOYful 😍