Friday, June 26, 2015

The Most Important Relationship In Your Life...

Diane von Furstenberg didn't really know what she wanted to do, but she knew the woman she wanted to become. Her book chronicles her journey around the world, and how she achieved her goal of living like a man in a woman's body. And by this she meant living with the freedom to make her own decisions- which at the time was rather rare. While her fortunes and fame came and went and came back again, and as lovers did the same, she learned the independence her mother instilled in her made her the woman she wanted to be.

Her mother, a Holocaust-survivor, taught her to never be a victim and that fear is not an option:
Never, ever, blame others for what befalls you, no matter how horrible it might be.  Trust you, and only you, to be responsible for your own life.
She didn't always love the lesson, but learned to embrace the message.

Over the years haven't we all at some point or another waited for someone to date, promote, validate, or love us while never quite getting the heaping helping we were hoping for? Yet when we treasure and treat ourselves like we wished others would we heal the wounds and learn to develop a less frail-victimy way about us.

At one point she was doubting her abilities when a friend said to her "assume-toi", a French expression for: Own Yourself. Just another reminder of the key she often shares with others:
Become your best friend; it is well worth it. It takes a lot of work and it can be painful because it requires honesty and discipline. It means you have to accept who you are, see all your faults and weaknesses. Having done that, you can correct, improve, and little by little discover the things you do like about yourself and start to design your life. 
Hmm... design our lives. No wonder it rang so true to me. ME Mapping is my experiment and practice in doing just that. It's confronting. It's a bit overwhelming. But if we get to a clear baseline of the life we have then we can develop a vision for what we want to create and live.
You cannot have a good relationship with anyone, unless you first have it with yourself.
We don't need to be princesses, rich, powerful, or popular to see ourselves as our most valuable relationship; and if not, we should explore what's up with that. Narcissism is not the goal, healthy self-love and self-friendship is. After all, if we can't love ourselves why would anyone else?

DVF encourages woman to design their lives and realize that we must embrace the whole package. She often wasn't the most beautiful, or wealthy, or brilliant person in the room... but she had confidence and developed other traits that highlighted where she was dazzling. She has lived an interesting, adventurous, fabulous life because she loved who she was becoming along her journey.

We need to love ourselves, design our lives, become the women/ men we wish to be. What are we waiting for? Let's get on with our fabulous, fabulous selves  :)