Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Bears, Men and the Roman Empire

I have been deep in love with three men in my life, adore my Father, am close to my Uncle and since childhood have always had at least one or two best guy pals. 
                                I ❤️ MEN!
And, last week I had a reminder of why they're also hard to navigate and maddening to sometimes communicate with. Let me try and dive in...

There was a social media meme going around last winter about women asking men how often they think of the Roman Empire and shockingly, to women at least, it's a lot. Not every and probably not even most but many think of it a couple times a week, with some thinking of it daily. 

A friend was explaining the concept to her husband and she said it's roughly equivalent to about how often women think about their personal safety. He didn't totally get what she meant, so she went on to explain the average woman thinks about if she's safe all the time. At night, in a dark parking lot, when approached by a random man, when a repair person comes into her home- and then he got it. 

Most men rarely have to think about their safety and if they do it's usually in a situation where maybe even a cop or buff bodybuilder would too. Sketchy neighborhood, angry yahoos with guns, bar fights when they're not as young as the use to be- but not daily or even weekly.

Then a take-off meme appeared a few weeks ago where women where asking their guys about which would they choose to leave their daughter with alone in a forrest: a bear or a man? Then asked: bear or woman? Most men had to pause on man/bear but not on woman/bear. And then it turned to people asking the women directly. Lots of reasons but this sums it up pretty well: 

In bears' defense: there are only 40 people killed by bears each year in the US according to the National Parks Service. More are killed by bee stings. 

Ok, now back to me and the reason for this post... 

I was chatting with a guy I matched with on Hinge and he was cute but the reason I liked him was because he had two dad jokes on his profile that were pretty funny. Sweet and playful I thought and we got right to flirting. And there was a few days of fun banter but then it went off the rails when he suggested if we were going to meet up he'd like a blowjob. I thought we were still joking and then he got mad and claimed I was a tease. 

Now there are plenty of sites to go on if you are looking for easy sex connections but going on a dating site implies (at least to me) you are there to at a minimum casually date. 

I thought maybe I had made him defensive because we had indeed gotten pretty flirty but I write this to share that even if you're a good guy just looking for some fun sex- it's scary out there for women:

But I get it if you're not a violent person why would you think of safety as women's top concern? I can see how that would make a non-violent guy defensive like I would be offended if someone assumed something about me and saw my playful banter then assertion of boundaries as a red flag to them. 

Listen my brother-in-law is one of the most decent guys I know- in the family we tease him about being the favorite and inline for sainthood. I mean he literally volunteers at a foodbank to feed the hungry. So I know there are amazing, kind, considerate men everywhere I look! 

The problem for women is it's not always clear which is which  🤔

Even the ones we think are good guys, sometimes aren't the people you're safe in a room with. And I'll just leave this here because he's a dad of two daughters, one of the most beloved comedians, and he is (ironically 🙄 ) brilliant enough to sum it all up together...

Saturday, January 6, 2024

Theme 2024

For the last 15 years I've been posting my Theme for the Year on here, and I never worry about coming up with a word or phrase that will capture what I want to focus on but this year had me stumped until it came to me: ME

A few months ago I was in the middle of worrying about two friends at a time that both were going through upset. And I tried to be there for both of them and I think I was a good friend but later during some conversations about each issue they were dealing with - open heart surgery for one's spouse, heartbreak over a relationship for the other- I realized I had been exhausted by situations that turned out fine and there was nothing I could have done about either. 

I'm not a people-pleaser but I am a huge people-helper; not consciously and also not always helpfully. When someone shares a problem with me I take a piece of it and try and "help" them with their burden. This comes from trying to make things OK when my folks were going through their divorce and it helped make me feel I had more control over my life and environment but it's not a healthy practice. 

Add to this both of these dear friends had supported me when I went through a bad break up a few years back. Sure I had helped them when they were in rough times but something felt like I still owed them this almost extreme empathy when they were in pain. I was wrong. 

I've gotten way way better over the years practicing observing and not absorbing people's drama and asking myself if these are my monkeys or not. But when talking to these friends they shared they don't need my help just my ear and compassion.

There are times when we need to step up and repay people's kindnesses but I had kept these friends' buckets full of love and friendship so they didn't need anything from me. 

2023 was also the year I became completely debtfree. I know some have been for years, decades or had never even carried that burden but when I left the relationship I was referring to I left with nothing we shared even the car I was driving. 

I'm stepping into 2024 owing no one anything, so in that vein, even though it doesn't come naturally to me, I'm going to try and focus exclusively on: 

What's best 4 ME?  

Meaning, not worrying about anyone else but myself. I know that's sound selfish which is why I warmed you into it. But frankly, it's none of your business what I'm focusing on so ha 😜   

That's my invitation for you to join if you want. Let's try to not worry about anything but our own fitness, finances, romances (although follow along with Tay and Trav's if that floats your boat) or anything else that will bring us joy, health and happiness. 

I mean I am going to need you to vote to save democracy, but that's not til November!
So how about we tend to what needs tending but along the way practice serenity and giving up worrying about anything not in our control or to our benefit. The people in our lives want what's best for us and us being at our best is what's best for us all!

Happy New Year 🥳 and Cheers 🥂 to all there is in store for ME 😁

Monday, January 1, 2024

Creating YOUR Year ... 🎊 🖌️

2023 was DEEP and delightful  ... but I believe 
2024 is going to MY YEAR!!

Happy Mapping and Cheers to a JOYFUL 2024