Wednesday, July 23, 2014

If we don't speak directly and set clear boundaries it's really our fault if someone's wasting or taking advantage of our time.

I was a little annoyed the other day when someone had asked me for a favor that was too big for our casual freindship. And as I started thinking about it I was less annoyed with them for asking and more annoyed with myself for not being clear that it was too big of an ask.

I believe in the old adage there is no harm in asking (or making a request) so I shouldn't have found one that was asked of me off-putting. And yet I had.

When we don't speak directly and then end up resenting people for doing things we didn't want to do - who is the waster of our time? Us!

It's freeing to realize a nice agreeable answer, when we wanted to say no, could have simply been re-directed to a better interaction. The key I've decided is to not get all worked up but to pause for a moment to decide what you want to do and then just simply say: That's not going to work for me. No big explanation necessary. No apologizing for not be able to meet someone else's needs. 

Setting boundaries is the more respectable thing to do for ourselves and in the spirit of being honest with others. If someone presses, guilts, gets mad at us because we've not been able to help them then that is their problem and not ours. 

You're the boss of you! And if we set clear boundaries not only will we have more time to do the things that matter to us... people will learn we respect our time and when we give it to them it's because that's where we truly want to be.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Are You Satisfied?

Are you satisfied? With life? Love? Sex? Marriage?

Last week I had a great time attending a premiere launch party for the new USA Network show Satisfaction hosted by my engaging, hilarious, and gorgeous pal Jenna. The show which debuts tonight was surprisingly deeper than I'd guessed from only seeing the commercials. Also, funny- I laughed out loud more than a few times which was refreshing.

I'm not sure how long they can pull off the story line but I definitely recommend watching the first episode. And since I am a huge fan of many of USA's shows (my fav: Suits) I would not be shocked if this turns into another big hit for them.

Now the premise does take on more than a tinge of unbelievability but the set up is very authentic to what I see as the big issue facing couples who are in or approaching their 40s. Men who feel overwhelmed with work stress and shock that this is their actual life; women who feel underwhelmed with excitement and appreciation and are exhausted from trying to create a good life for everyone else while often putting their own needs last on the list. The show does a great job capturing the ennui of mid-life-malaise. Because even if you've found success in some areas... what do you do when seemingly "having it all" is not enough?  

Even if the show isn't for you- and it is very racy especially in the later scenes and where it takes the lead characters- the reflection of the first part of the show is worthwhile to catch and have a conversation with your love about how satisfied you are with your life together.

Is work working for you? Is family life draining the very life out of you? Is there intimacy in your relationship? How's your sex life? Are you willing to talk about what fidelity and honesty means to you?

Satisfaction might not be everyone's #1 priority and maybe not even make the top 5 but not talking about it and working towards it can have life altering ramifications for everyone we choose to build our lives around. Don't wait until it's too late to check in with yourself and your partner and ask:
Are You Satisfied?