Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A Match ❤

Recently I've had a couple friends complain they wish there was a better way to meet people then online dating. Although I'm sure there are many love connections made through o-l-d I think friends of friends are always a better way to meet quality folks. I am far from a love guru and I've been rather unlucky in love myself but alas I am pretty good at spotting possible matches. So this week I am going to try my hand as Cupid and see if I can play matchmaker with some friends. And if you're single and up for it I dare you to ask 3 friends if they'll play matchmaker for you. Odds are one will be happy to oblige.

Once you've deputized your Cupid, the following are some thoughts that will help you help them help you:

Focus: Be clear up what you are looking for- sure open is great but too broad and they have no idea what to look for. And their tastes might not be what you are really interested in dating.

Photo: Update any public profiles with a realistic but flattering photo. Any matches will Google you and want to know what they're getting into so start off on good foot. No need to get fancy just have a friend with a good eye take some.

Feel good: No one wants to date desperate-Debbie or anxious-Anthony. Spruce up your looks with new haircut or new shirt and look at this as fun adventure. Calm and confident are two of the sexiest things you can radiate so do what it takes to get there.

Good sport: Chemistry in love is an art not a science.... so if you're not feeling it be polite and if they are good person kindly pass them back in the mix and offer to introduce them to someone you know they might hit it off with.

Numbers game: Don't get discouraged if you can't find love right away it's a numbers game. My guess is we are only attracted to every 20-25 available people we meet so don't get discouraged until you've gone on at least 20 coffees.

As for Matchmakers... if you've found love in your life it is good karma to share the wealth so give it a go. Don't pressure or make yourself or your friends feel bad if they didn't feel the spark. Have fun with it and don't get too bossy if friends resist your matching- move on to another single friend.

DO IT YOURSELF: Sucky friends that are bad matchers but you still want to find love:

Sit down: Next time you go to event or take the train go sit next to (in your eyes) the cutest person in the room. Short version of longish TRUE story: I gave this advice to friend before she attended a weekend workshop and she was married within the year.

Flirt: Not at work and not with friends' spouses but flirt with everyone else- just for the practice. Don't be weird or slutty about it just friendly, witty and warm. Even if no love connection you'll probably make someone's day.

Date yourself: If you're waiting for someone to take you to places you want to go, take yourself. There's a better chance you'll meet someone with similar interests if you're going to the talks, events, places you wish someone would take you. Your love might be waiting for you to show up right now.

Ok, there you go... about all I know about dating and matchmaking*. I do know for sure though that life is short so if you are looking for love go find it and it doesn't ever hurt to ask others to help you along the way :)

Happy Valentine's Day and much...

*Safety: Even if you know someone through mutual friends make sure you are being safe. Meet out at public place and don't let them drive you home until you feel comfortable. And if you live alone always tell someone where you are and who you are going out with that night.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Not A Happy Ending :(

Victoria Will

Death sucks but dying a dumb death is even suckier.  We'd all love to die at a ripe old age shortly after we discover we've become terminal and have had a chance get our affairs in order including telling our loved ones how much we cherish them. Or if we have to die suddenly at least it would be great if we could die in some heroic fashion- rushing into a burning building to save children perhaps. And if we have to die a longer lingering death it would be a given we'd like to do it with grace and dignity. But that doesn't happen for everyone. Some people die an unhappy ending and it adds to the sadness of the whole sucky situation. 

Philip Seymour Hoffman was a fabulous actor and seemed like a really good guy too so I was deeply saddened when I heard he died last week. After a young talented person dies in their prime with so much left to give it makes everyone ponder what could have been... it makes me kinda pissed. 

It reminds me of how Chris died. Christopher was my college sweetheart and he was a super smart, super sweet guy who died of an accidental drug overdose in 2002. He was diagnosed as bi-polar in his early twenties and instead of staying on regular medication self-medicated with drugs on and off for years. One of the things that is hard to explain to people who have never had someone they love with this issue is the backstory. Not that either dying from mental illness or drug-addiction is any worse thing to deal with then any other illness, but I do remember being mad at him that he died of something preventable. At least, not inevitable. 

There is a certain amount of embarrassment that follows a bad death and you want to protect the memory of the person you love. I'm not sure what drove PSH to drugs and to hear people talk about his talent is nice yet makes me wonder if those close to him are now feeling the same mix of anger and anguish I did. In my workshop I tell the story of how the Chicago Police notified me of Chris's death and the drama that followed. But it always makes me feel uneasy that I don't get to tell the whole story of what a brilliant engineer, great dancer, and good guy he was and how much he loved me and adored his sister and admired his grandfather. 

I still get mad at Chris sometimes even now over a decade later because he died of something as stupid as taking drugs. I get annoyed at the fights we used to have about his pride and how he hated having to be on medication yet thought little of drugging himself with street drugs. Then occasionally guilt pops up because I wasn't able to help him and I was one of his last calls. I let myself wallow for a bit then I remember we each choose our lives. Help and love was offered to him and this is the path he chose so I need to have compassion for his decisions (no matter how puzzeling I found them) and how he chose to live his life. 

If you need help with your life please get some- you deserve a decent ending and dying alone with drugs is not worthy of anyone. And if you love someone with a drug or mental illness issue tell them what you want to say now and leave no doubt how much you want them to live a good long life. Then go live a great life yourself because you deserve it and I know that's what Chris would have wanted for me and anyone he came across.