Wednesday, October 18, 2017
The world feels especially weird right now and even a bit scary. But every time I feel a little discombobulated I focus on what I have control over and this reminds me of the ME-ness of meanness. Because when things seem off-kilter the best place to start to right the motion is to clean up our mess first which allows us to be more powerful dealing with others and building a joyful life.
My favorite example of this philosophy is the pilot episode of My Name Is Earl: the gist of it is that a guy... named Earl... is a loser who scratches off a $100,000 winning lottery ticket and he's so excited while jumping around he gets hit by a car and the ticket blows away. While in the hospital he sees Carson Daly talking about karma and thinks he's discovered why his life is so shitty. So he makes a list of 259 bad things he's done and sets off to right his wrongs. His first action on his roadmap to a better life is to clean up the parking lot of the motel he's staying in to make up for being a litterbug and while his brother makes fun of him for picking up garbage a gust of wind lands the missing lottery ticket at his feet.
Carson Daly was right karma works!
Making amends to people we've wronged shows up in themes from movies to AA's 12-step program and there is a reason: it's freeing and even life saving.
One of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies has a similar inventory feel:
When Harry searches for the cure to what's been ailing him he takes a trip into his past to figure how he arrived at being him. It's painful and he has to force himself to listen to the harm he's done and attempt to understand what pain he's caused and how to be a better person.
The journey of getting closure on either what's ailing us, what's unresolved in us, what's blocking good karma from flowing into our lives is tough. It's not for wusses or the faint of heart. It takes a strong person to own their past, their mistakes, and then clear the way to a future filled with possibility and loose from the baggage most of us let weight us down.
Karma can get us or free us.
Cleaning up my own karma* as a gift to myself by my next birthday... My name is Joy.
I invite you to join me :)
[*Please do me favor of letting me know if I need to clean up anything with you. Thanks!]
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
Harvey Weinstein has been a trigger for women who have been sexually harassed and as a society the thing that is so cringy is that we know it's true and we know it's a daily occurrence and we know we are part of the problem for tolerating it.
For me, the times I've ever had to face any harassment I've done a good job sticking up for myself and I'm fortunate it's just been an annoyance not a trauma. But what I do need to clean up is I have ignored that my crush Louis CK is a pervert and an assaulter. There I've said it.
My love for LCK was unlikely in the first place- he's not my type, way too vulgar for my taste, and usually depressives make my run the other way. But he was so funny and talented I fooled myself into thinking his charming vulnerability in interviews was who he is. I mean Jon Stewart, and Jerry Seinfeld, and Chris Rock said what a great guy he was... I believed them.
I was a big fan who wrote about him and even a story for him and shared his work with all my friends. I was a Louie-Lover and overlooked murmurs because he had great friends, supported my political views, and loved his daughters.
His time in the hot seat is coming and it's agita-inducing to anticipate the unfolding. I feel for him because no person is all good or all evil and I think he's a guy who did shitty things and if you listen to his bit about being a prisoner of sexual perversion he clearly knows his demons are winning.
There are likely a few days or weeks or even months before his story breaks big so there is still a small window for him to realize he created this. If you're an asshole or an abuser it's your job to clean up your mess. If you force others to out you and only act contrite when you're finally caught it is not only an act of cowardice but shows you aren't truly sorry for the behavior just that you got caught and are forced to own up.
Coming forward will probably not happen but I wanted to put it out in the universe just incase there's a chance because the women shouldn't have to do the work for him. This is his mess. This is his shame. This is his friends' opportunity to support him in doing what's right.
Heart brokenly hoping for a morsel of a decent guy to claim his mistakes and make the world less nasty. And wishing strength to the women who had to drag around the ickiness simply because they were trying to make the world laugh and ran into a broken guy.
11.09.17 Update: NYT article with accusations of 5 women 💔😢