What A Difference A Decade Makes

I refer to 2002 as my year of discombobulation. One hell of a year... my grandmother passed, my college sweetheart was found dead, I left a job I had for over a decade, and went through a painful breakup. Not all the events were bad- three of my best friends and my sister got married- but even so all that happiness for others (plus involvement in two of the weddings) while my world crashed around me plain wore me out. All the while, many old friends faded from my life and everywhere I turned was change, change, change. 

10 years later and I'm looking back at that time of my life and the things I've learned and how I worked through some of the discombobulation of that time. Here are 10 things I learned:

• Time Heals: but it doesn't numb. I feel sadness for the ones I've loved and lost much less frequently after so much time has passed, but heartbreak over missing them still hits me a few times a year and that pain is as sharp and brutal. The key is to let the sadness remind us to appreciate all we have to be grateful for today. 
• True Friends Stick: Most people are fair-weather friends but only a few people will have our backs and deserve our devotion. Nothing to be mad about, it's just helpful to know the difference between someone we are friendly with and a true friend.
• Tell People Now: Mad at or in-love with someone- tell them now! We never know how long we have in this life and no grudge is worth keeping so fight it out and be done with it. Or profess your love. Life's too short to keep grudges or crushes to ourselves.
• Forgive Everyone: No one who is good does anything purposely mean. It's not personal, it's simply the best they can manage at the time. The rotten ones that are evil at their core can't help themselves they are broken/sick. Forgive them because they are not well. Compassion brings peace when we realize everyone is doing the best they can with what they have to work with.  
• Jump In: Life is not safe and we can't protect ourselves from most things in life so we might as well go for it. I try to remember when we go for something we end up with: what we wanted, a new starting point, or a lesson learned. Better any of that then regret for not trying.
• Energy Ripples: All the good or bad energy we put out in the world eventually touches people and we rarely know its ultimate outcome. We might inspire or wound someone we have never met without even knowing it, so we need to be aware of the vibes we send out and be in touch with how powerful our words and actions are.
• No = Not Them: If someone doesn't want to marry, hire, friend, etc. us then their no just means it's not for them. We can't take someone's no on as our own. Almost all great things (or maybe just all great stories told about greatness) start with a string of no's before they hit the right yes.
• Drop The Past: We carry our baggage around with us and wonder why we have no room in our life for new people, things, love, experiences, etc. We need to clean up our messes and then just move on. Anything we carry with us should serve us or it's a waste of our energy and time.
• I'm MEan: We are all mean in our own way and when we pretend that we haven't hurt people we are denying our nastiness and avoiding the me-ness of meanness. Owning up to our imperfections and cleaning up our messes and is a much more powerful way to get on with our lives. 
• Life's A Story: We are the author of our life story. The bad news is we believe in our own stories so we often suffer because we can't see the truth of reality only our tainted version of it. The great news is we have the power to write our own stories and even retell them in a way that empowers us. 

The biggest thing I'm working on now is to turn the next decade into one worthy of the next 10 years of my life and the loved ones who are not here to live it with me. There are many things I want to do and see and be. Many chapters to be written, adventures to be had, and love to be lived. Looking forward to it!

What have you gone through and learned from in the last decade and what are you hoping to create in the one ahead?

Our Hypocrisy Will Eventually Haunt Us

What will you regret on your deathbed? Will it be not living a big enough life, the road not taken, not living out your dreams? Or will it be the entire way you made your living, acquired power and stature, and lived your life?

The way we live our lives is a big deal. No one can live a life of complete integrity, we are all imperfect human beings after all... but how congruent can we get? How closely do our values, words, and actions match up?

The movie Boogie Man: The Lee Atwater Story (2008) is a fascinating documentary of a man who took politics as low as it can go and then spent his dying days apologizing for how he had lived his life and what he had done in the name of success. The quick version is he helped President Reagan and especially President Bush with dirty tricks and slime-slinging behind the scenes and then at the shockingly young age of 40 got sick with a brain tumor and spent his dying days terrified envisioning what awaited him for living such a shady life.

I don't believe politics is a clean sport and I don't think hypocrisy is by any means limited to Republicans, but the shocking thing to me was how few of his admirers (like Karl Rove) learned from him that it is not a good way to live a life. Sarah Palin preaches about abstinence-only education while her two eldest children both started families out of wedlock; Karen Santorum backs her husbands stance on birthcontrol and abortion when at 22 she dated and lived with the 63-year-old doctor who not only delivered her as a baby but also preformed abortions; Maggie Gallagher the woman who has spent most of the last few years fighting same-sex marriage as the founder of National Organization For Marriage not only had a child out of wedlock but is rumored to be living apart from her husband... and yes, for goodness sakes yes-- there are numerous Democrats too. Making a living judging, legislating, or fighting against others rights seems like the kind of hypocrisy that is dangerous to be playing around with.

Of course in extends way beyond politics in to every walk of life, socio-economic level, and every profession including clergy of ever denomination. Heck, we're all hypocrites in some form or fashion.

The spine-tingling part of the movie that hit me was when Ed Rollins, Lee's previous boss who he had ruthlessly thrown under the bus, tells of how when Lee knew he was dying he begged Ed to take care of him because after all that was said and done he was the only one he could trust.

Who will end up being there for us? Who will we trust? Will we be able to look ourselves in a mirror and be proud of our lives? Will the judgement we use on others be turned around to judge us?

Will the hypocrisy of how we lived our lives be something we can live with... or, like Lee, will it haunt us?

The Rush to Bully

Last week was not a good week for bullies. First Andrew Breitbart unexpectedly passed away and then Rush Limbaugh began his hostile verbal bullying of a woman who had dared to express her opinion about birth control coverage. Rush is not as I see it the problem; he is a damaged person who makes tons of money selling hate while numbing himself with multiple marriages and painkillers. There are always people without integrity willing to sell their soul for fortune and fame. But how did he get so powerful in the first place, who's buying what he's selling?

It is shameful in my opinion to perpetuate hate for a living. It is just bad karma. Every time we see a preacher, politician, or pundit spewing hate at a group there is almost like clock work a scandal exposing them for doing the exact thing they were just condemning. The fact that it is now whole networks and even people running for the highest office in the land is sad. As is the notion that it is politically detrimental to stand up to a bully like Rush. When George Will described the GOP leadership this weekend, it kind of said it all: They want to bomb Iran, but they're afraid of Rush Limbaugh.

Unfortunately hate never runs out of supply, but I think the more the world is changing the less long term stability it has. The next few years will probably be great for hate. There are still large section of the US not happy that we're becoming a multi-cultural, religiously, and sexually tolerant nation. They'll probably double down on fear frightened that their way of thinking is under attack. But eventually, and this is surely happening in the generation below mine, they will bawk at such discrimination and hate.

It's a percentage game, eventually times change and the youngsters of today are sweeping in a different era one in which they all have friends, family members, or are social media fans of a cornucopia of people. They have gay friends, hispanic classmates, atheist uncles. They think it is cool to have a black president. They don't want to fight wars over religion because they know people from that religion and they realize they are just like them.

Bullying and hate is the easy, cheap solution. The more noble, sustainable, healthier solution is to come together and see what we can do bringing the best of ourselves to the table (or radio, tv, work). If we must fight let it be for how best to help each other, how tolerant we can be to our neighbors, and how much good we can bring into the world. Hate is so played out... let peace, prosperity, and partnership be what we teach our children, hope for our nation, and practice for ourselves.

Get Happy: Bright Side Up!

 

Today is Book Day for my friend Amy Spencer, her Bright Side Up: 100 Ways to Be Happier Right Now is being being released today- Yippeee! One of the blessings of my life in the last few years is getting to meet some awesome writers through my agent Laurie and many of them are now pals of mine. So when one of their books comes out I am usually very excited and supportive no matter what, but with Amy I am extra excited because... I am in it!

Yes, that's right it is my first (to my knowledge) mention in someone else's book so you'd think today is my book release date. BSU is all about optimism so when last year Amy was so kind to ask if she could include The Thanksgiving List in her chapter about gratitude I was thrilled. I had wondered if I made the final cut or if I was left on the editing floor but it has been confirmed if you check out pages 137-138 you'll see TTL is on its way to making people happier right now.         

Dating Optimism

The book has been getting rave reviews and is on many hot lists: Oprah, Shape, Star, Psychology Today, O Magazine, and numerous blogs. The thought that people are going to be thanking it forward makes me verklempt with happiness.

Amy lives her life as an optimist and whether it comes naturally to us or takes some effort I think there is no better way to go thru life- so I encourage you to watch her video, buy her book, follow her @datingoptimist and if nothing else bring a little bright side up into your life today :)

It's also a perfect time of year to add a little optimism to your love life, so check out Amy's first book too!

Scatter Joy .... & Jenna

Yesterday I called to wish a guy friend of mine, will call him "Fred" (he's shy), congratulations on a new job offer. I was so happy for him and was thinking what a great guy he is and how this company is going to be lucky to have him. I had just hung up the call when I see my pal Jenna McCarthy (not the Playboy naked one, although she is hot enough to be asked) posted this tweet. I was so inspired and it struck me that I always tell my closest friends how much I love them but I don't often get that mushy with my guy friends or my other friends.

Well off went an email to Fred telling him how his Mother would be so proud of him as a person, the gorgeous, fun, kind kids he is raising, and the amazing husband and friend he is today.  I had a warm fuzzy right after that I shared with Jenna who then also got a warm fuzzy -which might be slightly alcohol-aided because at this point she was drinking a toast to her Dad- ... then not too much later got a note back from Fred that he was so touched that he passed the note to his wife (one of my BFFs) who responded: now that's the kind of email you save for when you need a pick-me-up!

So one tweet brightened 4 people's day, and I am sure many others because Jenna has many followers who probably did the same.  And you're reading this now and will also partake too, right?

The world might be scary and times might be hard but it takes but a minute to find some Joy, or Jenna, and scatter some happiness and appreciation in your path today.


Scatter Away :) ... (: ... :) ... (: .....


*btw: check out Jenna's hilarious new book for some more good vibes, warm fuzzies, and a plethora of profanity and get a daily treat by following her @Jennawrites.

ME Mapping: Creating Your Year

Want to have your best year yet? Want to hedge your bet just incase the Mayans are onto something? Want a map of where you're going and where you've been? Excellent! Then ME Mapping is for you:

You can also check out ME Mapping (for your current life).

(UPDATED for 2014 from original 2012 post.)

LIVE JOY FULLY

2012 Theme

Don't SOMEDAY Your Life Away!

Was looking forward to mellow relaxing holidays to bring in the new year... that is not how things ended up going. No need to bore you with details, but the point is that we never know how our day, week, or year are going to end up. Things pop up- some that delight us, some that knock the wind out of us. And as always, they are just another reminder of how short and precious life is.

Every time something spoils that I was looking forward to enjoying, or I saved something for a special occasion then never end up using it- I remind myself to not save things for good, but instead to enjoy them in the present. The companion of this sentiment is: don't someday your life away.

We always say were going to get around to things we never do. We wait for calm waters to venture out. We wait for the perfect mate, job, financial situation, etc. to do the thing we think might make us happy. But why? What exactly are we waiting for?

Timing is many things, some might even say everything... but in there it must be noted that if we keep waiting for someday we won't ever get to it. Someday must be today, this minute, this NOW.

And what does it take to seize our someday? Less then a minute of insane courage in most cases (giving myself a full minute just incase). Yes, I went to see We Bought A Zoo and I loved this line, but it was more finding out someone important to me got some scary medical news and the debate about the Mayan calendar predicating the end of times that has me focusing on 2012 as a great time to stop somedaying my life away. Who knows, there is no guarantee for any of us there'll be a 2013 ;)

Really folks, what are we waiting for? What if there is no more time to someday away? What if it is now or never? If it isn't important enough for now let's let it go and stop wasting energy on it. And if it is important to us, let us seize the day, sieze the 60 seconds, and live into our lives with everything we have. Seize Someday Today!

Wishing you the Best in 2012 and no more endless Somedays only many many more brave Todays!