Heated Healing

Our world has gone mad! And I don't mean that lightly. From ICE in the streets of Minnesota, chaos in the White House and Congress, to the Epstein files and now the Iran strikes. I'm afraid to to even glance at the headlines- which we know is part of their strategy! 

The one thing that I have very much enjoyed keeping my eyes on is Heated Rivalry! Hubba, hubba 😰

I've been to two Black Hawks games in my life and both were a little too violent for my likings. Blood of the ice isn't my thing. But hello... this series was exactly what we needed to restore the faith we have in love and happy stories. WARNING: it is very sexual but it's important to know this really is integral to the plot. No seriously. 

The main characters are rivals, thus the name, who are sexually curious and their love grows as their sexual connection progresses. Two closed off young men who communicate best when not talking but kissing and touching and tuna melting (iykyk 😉).

This show is not only getting hearts and pulses racing, it has changed the world!

Not just because it brought us a wonderful love story but a new way to view masculine love on screen. The tragedy we had to endure to witness Brokeback Mountain kept me cautious the whole time but this is a happy story. Well at least for this portion of their lives. Two masculine competitive complete men working out their emotions and fears and love. And that's not all... 

Just when we were all swooning over the gold-metal men's Olympic champions for bringing their  teammate's, who had died tragically, young kids on to the ice to take a picture, we have it ruined by Trump and Kash Patel invading their win with their obnoxious misogyny in the locker room. 

It was what Trump always does, make things about himself and his narrow view of women. Icky! 

But once again, women and the men of Heated Rivalry bring us all back together with their adorable appearance on SNL last night. Because sometimes groups do the wrong thing and need to be shown the classy way to act. And we all wanted to root for our athletes and most were being good teammates to the women - let us not forget many cheering 2 for 2! 🏅🏅

One guy on Instagram made a funny observation: what's more masculine then grilling some burgers and then hot physical sex with your buddy?

Sports have been homophobic, so it's definitely going to take more than this show to change that, but I don't know how you can watch this and not get the meaning behind:                  love is love. 

And the two stars of the show, Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams, are also making a name for themselves with how they conducted interviews talking about how they're so close they can't help but be affectionate with each other. Again another example of how we are all hungry for seeing happy healthy masculinity and stories of it in irl and on the screen.

We're in turbulent times where people are taking sides and hating on each other. What we could all use more of is love, hot sex, Canadians and healing from what has held us back or hurt us. 

Cheers to more of that kind of JOY and heat 🔥 on and off the ice! 

The Hole

Elizabeth "Eat, Pray, Love" Gilbert was on Oprah's book club and was describing her feeling, as a love-addict, as having a deep God-sized hole in her. 

So so descriptive! Even if not a fan, I recommend you watch it because she is very raw and it was a shocking -even by Oprah's standards- interview. It was also the second time in a month I had heard someone describe a profound alone, brokenness in them. 

The other was when I was reading my faux-love, Ivan Lewy Moody's, book of poetry which is almost all about being alone in the world and empty inside 😢

Now I've been sad and depressed at different times of my life but never have I felt like what they were describing. Lucky for me not even close. BUT... I have loved people who have not loved themselves so I know how real and painful and hellacious it can be to live with that. 

And of course I have sympathy for the people that feel that way, I do... and I also find it to be one of the most narcissistic ways to be in the world. [Keep reading I get nicer, this is the tough love part]. To think you are so special that you need to be loved by others and be above the basics of the human condition is ridiculous. And I don't mean that as a kid or young person- that is indeed tragic- but if you're an adult and you've seen how lucky we are to even be alive and you're going to waste this precious life suffering about what you don't have, I BEG you to do yourself and humanity a solid and get therapy (+ meds + a dog 🐶) and heal yourself 🙏

This was also top of mind because I can't stop thinking about what would drive a person to catfish another person, if not for money, and my guess it's the same emptiness about their life. So this was super fresh when... my other parasocial relationship, Louis CK (LCK), pops up in interviews last weekend. 

I had thought I had figured out LCK's deal when he started touring again and even while standing in front of a giant SORRY sign refused to acknowledge just how bad he had f#cked up. It pained me to think he was a cold unremorseful creep and I was still smarting for ever having had crushed on him. Well 🙄  

He was promoting his book on Theo Von's podcast and more than halfway through he brings up how he is a sex-addict and has had the compulsion since he masturbated as a child. And yes, some sociopaths could pull that out as an excuse to rehabilitate their reputation but he takes responsibility in a way I was moved to tears. It was what I had hoped for eight years back. A must watch... (to go to confession part 01:30:00)

I'm writing this post because I feel like it is one of the most important conversations today. If you haven't already heard about it we are living through a huge Masculinity Crisis. Scott Galloway (NYU professor, author, podcaster) describes it as the biggest issue affecting everything from politics to mating. 

When I started to think about how all these stories kept describing a hole, cavern, numbness, emptiness it gave me a flashback to Nathan Sawaya's amazing Lego art piece, Yellow. It is one of my favorite sculptures and I think it's a good way to illustrate how this appears to me.

If we start out feeling empty inside we will naturally search out love. But even if we are lucky enough to find some (and feel the joy that comes along with it) if we have a hole in us we won't absorb it, and it will leak right out. And that will make us just feel even more empty, and then unlovable, which will continue the cycle.

It took me into my late 40's to realize one can't love another unless they truly love themself. And the key is no matter how much love someone has for you or pours into you, wholeness and love is an inside job.

So if you have kids, especially boys, show them how you love yourself and others in a healthy way. Because you deserve that! Therapy, 12-step program SLAA, God, this book, duct tape... whatever it takes heal that hole in you so you feel the love that is available in this world. 

I wrote the above poem to express what it feels like to love someone who's hole won't let them feel it. It's its own kind of torture. But I also know it's possible to heal in life and I hope this image and these words will allow anyone who needs it to fill the hole with wholeness and JOY 

                                                                                 ❤️‍🩹

MOODY LOVE: AI Will Break Our Hearts

A few months ago I began a project on Good Capitalism but with all things these days there is entwinement of topics so find my latest share over there. 

Finding Joy is going to get more layered and tricky with the advancements in      AI 🤖 which means you'll see cross-posting so you can follow along 😉

GAME PLAN: Good Guys Guide to Getting Laid & Loved

I believe in love and humanity ♥️

A friend called me recently to tell me about a great date she had and I could tell in her voice she was hopeful. And sure that's not all there is to life but come on that's a great reason we must not give up on love. Because certainly we can all live without a romantic connection but it makes our lives so much sweeter if we can experience that joy!

In the last few years, since Covid, I had begun my own search for my next love and it's been rough. I have matched and at a minimum texted with over 200 men. And let me share that it has been to say the least: underwhelming. When my dating adventures began I would share the dates with my friend Vickie and she would say: oh you must keep a journal of these stories - they're too good! I didn't know what I would do with this information but then I decided she was right, let me put on my curiosity cap 🕵️‍♀️ and see if I could figure out what's happening in this new world I was exploring.

Cookie Theory 🍪

First let me share the theory I have on how we as a society got to the point where men and women are not connecting like we yearn for. It starts with cookies...

When I was in my 20's and thrilled to be working at a job I loved I remember making cookies a few times a year as goodies to bring into the office. I'd make my cookies and put them in a decorative tin and then be delighted if they went before I came to collect it. Now things were different back then- only the women in the office brought in snacks and we would set them up then clean up the mess when the day was done. The men would be the first in line and some would voice appreciation for the buffet of deliciousness in front of them but that was about it. 

I hadn't thought about this for a long time until recently when I was trying to explain how I never really knew how ingrained the patriarchy was until I got it on the cookie level. See most women love to nurture people in their lives. And lots of women around my age and older won't even get why the above story is related to dating. But today it is a subtle but real example of how women treat* men but haven't had the reciprocal-replenishment we need to keep that going. 

                                                                                                                                                  * (pun intended) 

Picking A Path

Now as I see it we have two paths into our new awakening of mens' roles in our world. 

We can shame them for not being evolved, "woke" or feminist-supporting-enough ... or... 

we can share with them the recipe of how to create that for themselves and those they engage with and then reward and rejoice in the ones who get things cooking 🔥

Yes, of course not all men are stuck in the good ol' days but a not-small percentage of single ones are or a new version of it; look at the work of NYU professor Scott Galloway and his warnings of the crisis of isolated young men. And sure some still won't meet up with the times but I'd like to at least invite them all to join in. 

Afterall, we as a collective society trained men to show up and grab cookies and we would be happy to make more and of course clean up after them. Women made things comfy and now we expect them to catch up and pick up on all the nuance and clues in social and dating situations and shame them when they don’t. Not at all our fault per se, but we (their mothers, sisters, coworkers and friends) did contribute to feeding into that dynamic. 

Keys and Porn 

This is in addition to other big changes in the last few decades- we went from latchkey kids to helicopter parenting. Participation trophies and micro-parenting took over. I assure you my Dad had no idea who my teacher was or even where my schools were located. Nor did most dads make doctors appointments or keep track of fieldtrip slips. There was a reason Mr. Mom was such a hysterical and timely movie when it came out. 

Fast forward to today and we went from modest homes to McMansions, to curated childhoods shown off on social media. Don't do without because we have easy-put-it-on-credit-lifestyles. Teens now are bombarded with images of filtered perfection on their phone of their own classmates, where we would have to wait to see models in the monthly copy of Seventeen magazine to judge ourselves. Needless to say we've ALL had a spin-y change in expectations and societal pressures. 

And that's before we even get to the most monumental transformation in dating and mating: 

online-on-demand porn! 

Sure they had nudie magazines years ago and if you were an adult you could go behind the velevet curtain at the video store and rent a porno. But most teens saw a first glimpse of it through the squiggly scrambled lines of cable's naughty channels. There was not porn coming into our home without our approval and a high price tag. 

Today porn is free and not just flowing into young people's pockets but it's the most diverse graphic degrading porn there has ever been. Seeing a pair of boobs in Playboy was enough of a thrill but now many men have so numbed themselves that.. well you know how far it's gotten. In the olden days of 800-lines you would at least still need to use your imagination but now you can Only-fans your way into a woman performing fantasies in front of your very eyes.  

Men don't need to get to the gym, go meet people, ask women out and shine their shoes to go on actual dates. They can get pseudo-gratification 24-hours a day from their La-Z-boys with no limit on what they can search for. 

It's not good! It's made a big chunk of men unmotivated and apathetic to dating let alone proper romantic courting. It's made them turn to porn instead of real life women. That and their exes and bad experiences have often wounded and hurt them making them give up on the search for true intimacy at all.

If you're a male who has lived through #MeToo, a woman boss, and hopefully the first female president*, you've experienced the most dramatic male expectations transformation ever!

GAME PLAN

This all leads back to my project. I had gotten so annoyed with the poor app profiles and ghosting and sucky communication with possible matches and just in general the apathy coming at me daily that I was disheartened! Then a wave of empathy hit me and I realized men have whiplash 🫨 They went from being handed cookies to being expected to evolve into a new non-toxic-masculinity way of being without much guidance or many role-models.

So I could either continue to be deeply disappointed or I could share what I thought might help. This is my attempt at a solution with what I know and mapped out (you know that's my gift) before sex-robots are readily available and we stop getting together as a species at all 😜

With deep sincerity I leave this as an offering because I love men and I still have hope that LOVE & JOY finds us all 🥰

You Could Be My Silver Spring

Last night I went to see a Fleetwood Mac tribute band and even though not the real thing they were fantastic and when it got to this song I got the chills like I always do when hearing it. Even before I knew what the lyrics meant I loved it. But let's take a minute to explore the genius of them... 

Before Taylor Swift was even born Stevie Nicks was writing about her ex and bandmate Lindsey Buckingham. And as if it's not hard enough to witness a gifted songwriter put your relationship on paper and hear it on the radio... imagine having to then sing the words to her

You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you
Time cast a spell on you, but you won't forget me
I know I could've loved you, but you would not let me

I mean, brutal!

The term came from when she saw an exit sign while driving for Silver Springs Maryland. She liked the sound of it and thought: it sounded like a pretty fabulous place to me. And 'You could be my silver springs', that's just a whole symbolic thing of what you could have been to me.

That's what is so evocative about the song and the idea: what someone could have meant to us if they would have let us love them. 

One of the hardest and I think saddest parts of a life is not having things come together like we hope they could. Timing, communication, stubborn pride.. oh, what might have been casts a spell and haunts us. 

I hope we all find our Silver Spring and it's a fabulous place/time where we don't have to imagine but can live the love that is meant for us. And let this serve as a reminder that it's better to have fully tried and given into love. And if it's not meant to be then we had the strength to clean it up instead of never being able to get away from the wo/men who loved us.  

Rock on Stevie 🤘

[And before we feel too bad for Lindsey ... he returned the favor with Go Your Own Way. These two 🙄 ]

Happy Dating

I should start by stating upfront that I am not a great dater- no really! I'm only jumping into share this topic because we're in love month and I have learned a lot about what not to do when you're single. So take this all with a caution that I really have no idea what I'm talking about ⚠️

Ok, that said... let me share my 2022 dating philosophy: 

It's a numbers game, try on your non-types and make sure to have some fun!

I've spent a good deal of my adult life in longterm relationships so when I found myself single four years ago the first thing I did was heal myself from what was not a great end to a heartbreaking loveaffair. Therapy. Reading. Then when I was ready I got cajoled into online dating which I had always sworn was so not me. Well, especially now, if you want to date and expect to get your best options you need be open to sample what's available online. And since this was new territory I sought some expertise and started following some pros-- my favs are:

Matchmaker Maria (of the"12-date rule" fame)

The Love Drive (a man's perspective)

Bela Gandhi (the psychotic-optimist)  

I also pulled off the shelf my pal Amy's fantastic book: Meeting Your Half-Orange. This little nugget alone changed my dating mindset:

Basically, we need to think of dating as a Match Game- if you don't flip over your love-monkey 🐵💛 nothing's wrong... you're just not looking for an elephant. 

When I began to think of it that way I realized it's not a bad thing to meet and release those that are not a match, it's just one person closer to the one that will be. 

For years I had told my single friends that were dating that you need to meet at least 20 people before you'll find one you'll really like. Ha! Easy to advise, hard to do when it was my turn. It's exhausting to connect with lots of people that aren't your person. And in these pandemic-y politically charged times it's also a little scary as well. So here are my best tips thus far:

• Join Bumble to start. Lifetime membership is $230 and worth the cost because I've found it's the highest quality easiest to manage site. The filters alone are worth it.
• Crushes: Author Gretchen Rubin shared a friend's philosophy that it is always better to have more than one crush at a time so you're not needy and don't get overly-invested too soon. I think 3 crushes is ideal 😉
• Screeners: Trust me I hate that this is necessary but I do ask people three questions before I agree to date them: 
• Are you vax'd? 
• Did you vote for Trump?
• Do you believe in the literal word of the Bible?

Yes, I'm open to meeting people of differing opinions but I've found these are values-dealbreakers for me and I had to implement them after several run-ins with anti-vax-Trumpers who feel if only I believed in a talking snake we would be perfect together 😳Again, this is why paying extra for filtering is SO worth it!

• Pre-Meet: I am a big fan of a call or video chat before you agree to meet up for a face-to-face date. Saves you the time, energy and disappointment of an awkward encounter. I've found if they don't want to speak before you meet there is probably a good reason (if you know what I mean).
• 
  Good Karma: Dating's hard for everyone. So the least we owe each other is to be kind. For me when I know someone is not my match I try and send them off with some compliments and if possible the reason I am wishing them well and unmatching. 
• It doesn't always go this nicely but that's my goal. Had to move on from cute-Ken because though he wasn't anti-vax he hadn't gotten his by late summer and that was not going to work for me. Even though he had his solid rationale (and a minor in microbiology), I couldn't get over his reasoning so I sent him the kindest note I could explaining why. I think it's the least we can do for each other. 
• The other thing I've discovered is people pop back up on other sites or in real life (like at a friend's birthday party 😬) so don't ghost or be jerky unless they really deserve it. 
• Try Them On: My sister thinks I have a type- she's not wrong mind you- but I have gone off type before. Actually way way off type, but that didn't work out so great so I was back to looking for what I thought I wanted when I got a like from a guy who I had already passed on. But when he showed back up again I gave him a chance and sent him a rather playfully sarcastic note about how I didn't think we were a match but was I missing something?

He sent back a funny confident reply that had me amused and intrigued... and yada yada yada... a few days later gave me one of the best kisses I've ever had! So, though he didn't match my image of what I wanted he was definitely worth the try-on.

• Modify the List: My friend Diane tells of how she got serious about what she was looking for and made a map of the qualities she wanted and then her Dave appeared. Which is a great story and start. But I've learned now that I'm older different things are more important than even a few years ago: kindness, calm, self-awareness. I'd rather have a person who loves what he does then shows off what he has; cares about listening to me and creating together how we want things to go; that gets why his previous relationship wasn't his last and can own his part in it. That's sexy as hell to me now!! 

Today I care less about his looks and more about how it feels when our legs touch while deep in conversation; he can be shorter if he's got a huge heart; and if he's working out some large challenges but has great communication skills, watch out I'm a goner 😍

Ok, so a few other small random tidbits:

• Guys say they like humor and are "fluent in sarcasm" but don't test this notion until you meet them and make sure they're at least as funny as you are. Learned this the hard way (sorry, CL 😕).
• Text only in the first 48hours then meet or at least talk before more texting. It's really easy to be misinterepted and have things go off the rails or acquire a texting-buddy which is not good for moving things along.
• Dating is suppose to be fun... so get a few cute outfits, have some light stories you can share if you get nervous, and remember if it doesn't feel fun you never have to see them again... and if does, YAY you might get to see them again!
• We never know what someone is looking for so just be you and if you're not their person that's great you now have another card turned over and one less non-monkey to worry about.
• If you're joining an online site make sure you have a friend take some new flattering pics of you. Don't cut your ex out of old pics or use ones that don't look recent. If we're friends, I'll even do them for you. You deserve to go in with the best snapshot of what you have to offer -- of course, no false-advertising but certainly don't sell yourself short either!

When I mapped out 2022 and got to the [Love] category I created that I would connect with 50 possibilities this year. Match and release, meet and make out, or maybe fall madly in love? 

Who knows... but I wanted to up my game and take more chances and lean into a Happy Happy lovelife. 

I am better this year at dating than I've ever been. I'm finally having a good time with it. And I don't know how things will be by yearend but I know happiness and Joy can be fun with a sprinkle of lust and love mixed in. So I hope you have love in your life in all forms... and if you're single come try out some Happy Dating with me-- why not? 

Love is a lovely way to Happy 😊

Healthy Love

Finally got to see The Big Sick last night and it did not disappoint. It's the real life lovestory of a comic and what happens when the girl he broke up with gets ill. It's very very funny and touching and leaves one to contemplate: What do you do when you've been raised one way- and even though you want to follow your heart- your family, friends, and society leads you to question yourself?

Of course the answer is: you take a journey...

You decide what's important to you. You decide how it looks, and feels, and who else gets a say in how you live your life and who you love. What is healthy love?

The Big Sick is laugh out loud funny, thought provoking, and will make you believe in love in a big way.

Did I mention it's based in Chicago and still in theaters-- so take a friend or a date now they'll love you for it ;)

Time Heals

Theodore Petkus Jr.
Jan 8, 1962 - July 23, 1995

20 years ago I lost the person I loved most in the world, Ted. He was my best friend, made me swoon when I saw him in his tux, and was the most witty and charming guy I had ever met. He was a ball of contradictions and complications but that made him all the more interesting and when he died I was devastated. In my twenties I couldn't imagine being in my forties and being OK. I mean I knew of course life would go on but I couldn't imagine how I would ever get over the loss.

I have. Mostly. My Ted-ache is less stabbing, less all encompassing. I hated the saying but now I do agree: time heals all wounds. Never fully mending but at least thankfully not heartbrokenly open and gushing. Bearable. Not that I don't still miss him all the time or get mad at all he's missing out on. He would love how cool technology has become and would for sure own an iPhone. He would enjoy watching Suits with me. He would love Millennium Park. 

Twenty years is a long time ago now and yet it went by really fast. I can only actually feel how long ago it is when I see pictures of how young we look. Although even looking at pictures of myself now I can't believe I am twenty years older. That's what time does-- it seems to creep by but really it goes by all too swiftly.

Now when friends get upset about anything I sometimes have been known to ask:

                   Is anyone dead? and Will it really matter in 5 years?

Because when you lose someone, and I have lost two of the men I loved, a lot of things seem silly to be upset about. Not that I am above diving into drama when I'm tired or annoyed or have forgotten... but I almost always catch myself because I never want to get separated from how fragile life is that I let something really stupid get me down.

I don't think of Ted every day now. Sometimes I don't even think of him weekly. But when the moments come they can be intense... but, then they pass. And I feel how lucky I am to have known him. To have laughed with him. And to selfishly be happy for another day to miss him. He wouldn't want me wasting too much time mourning, he wanted me to live a great life. I'm trying. And when I feel sad I know every year it gets easier to be with the sadness. Not because it's not there but because I'm stronger and I have healed the heartache a little with each passing year. 

If you are sad about anything I hope you're getting strength and peace from wherever you can. And my wish is that time will help heal you too. 

Are You Satisfied?

Are you satisfied? With life? Love? Sex? Marriage?

Last week I had a great time attending a premiere launch party for the new USA Network show Satisfaction hosted by my engaging, hilarious, and gorgeous pal Jenna. The show which debuts tonight was surprisingly deeper than I'd guessed from only seeing the commercials. Also, funny- I laughed out loud more than a few times which was refreshing.

I'm not sure how long they can pull off the story line but I definitely recommend watching the first episode. And since I am a huge fan of many of USA's shows (my fav: Suits) I would not be shocked if this turns into another big hit for them.

Now the premise does take on more than a tinge of unbelievability but the set up is very authentic to what I see as the big issue facing couples who are in or approaching their 40s. Men who feel overwhelmed with work stress and shock that this is their actual life; women who feel underwhelmed with excitement and appreciation and are exhausted from trying to create a good life for everyone else while often putting their own needs last on the list. The show does a great job capturing the ennui of mid-life-malaise. Because even if you've found success in some areas... what do you do when seemingly "having it all" is not enough?  

Even if the show isn't for you- and it is very racy especially in the later scenes and where it takes the lead characters- the reflection of the first part of the show is worthwhile to catch and have a conversation with your love about how satisfied you are with your life together.

Is work working for you? Is family life draining the very life out of you? Is there intimacy in your relationship? How's your sex life? Are you willing to talk about what fidelity and honesty means to you?

Satisfaction might not be everyone's #1 priority and maybe not even make the top 5 but not talking about it and working towards it can have life altering ramifications for everyone we choose to build our lives around. Don't wait until it's too late to check in with yourself and your partner and ask:

Are You Satisfied?

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A Match ❤

Recently I've had a couple friends complain they wish there was a better way to meet people then online dating. Although I'm sure there are many love connections made through o-l-d I think friends of friends are always a better way to meet quality folks. I am far from a love guru and I've been rather unlucky in love myself but alas I am pretty good at spotting possible matches. So this week I am going to try my hand as Cupid and see if I can play matchmaker with some friends. And if you're single and up for it I dare you to ask 3 friends if they'll play matchmaker for you. Odds are one will be happy to oblige.

Once you've deputized your Cupid, the following are some thoughts that will help you help them help you:

Focus: Be clear up what you are looking for- sure open is great but too broad and they have no idea what to look for. And their tastes might not be what you are really interested in dating.

Photo: Update any public profiles with a realistic but flattering photo. Any matches will Google you and want to know what they're getting into so start off on good foot. No need to get fancy just have a friend with a good eye take some.

Feel good: No one wants to date desperate-Debbie or anxious-Anthony. Spruce up your looks with new haircut or new shirt and look at this as fun adventure. Calm and confident are two of the sexiest things you can radiate so do what it takes to get there.

Good sport: Chemistry in love is an art not a science.... so if you're not feeling it be polite and if they are good person kindly pass them back in the mix and offer to introduce them to someone you know they might hit it off with.

Numbers game: Don't get discouraged if you can't find love right away it's a numbers game. My guess is we are only attracted to every 20-25 available people we meet so don't get discouraged until you've gone on at least 20 coffees.


As for Matchmakers... if you've found love in your life it is good karma to share the wealth so give it a go. Don't pressure or make yourself or your friends feel bad if they didn't feel the spark. Have fun with it and don't get too bossy if friends resist your matching- move on to another single friend.


DO IT YOURSELF: Sucky friends that are bad matchers but you still want to find love:

Sit down: Next time you go to event or take the train go sit next to (in your eyes) the cutest person in the room. Short version of longish TRUE story: I gave this advice to friend before she attended a weekend workshop and she was married within the year.

Flirt: Not at work and not with friends' spouses but flirt with everyone else- just for the practice. Don't be weird or slutty about it just friendly, witty and warm. Even if no love connection you'll probably make someone's day.

Date yourself: If you're waiting for someone to take you to places you want to go, take yourself. There's a better chance you'll meet someone with similar interests if you're going to the talks, events, places you wish someone would take you. Your love might be waiting for you to show up right now.


Ok, there you go... about all I know about dating and matchmaking*. I do know for sure though that life is short so if you are looking for love go find it and it doesn't ever hurt to ask others to help you along the way :)

Happy Valentine's Day and much...

*Safety: Even if you know someone through mutual friends make sure you are being safe. Meet out at public place and don't let them drive you home until you feel comfortable. And if you live alone always tell someone where you are and who you are going out with that night.

You Are What You Love

I remember nothing from the movie Adaptation but the clip above and the quote: you are what you love, not what loves you. 

The thought on the surface seems desperate, slightly psycho, but something about it rang so true. When I first saw the movie it was on DVD and I watched that part over a few times just to let it sink in. It was one of the most freeing thoughts I'd heard in a long while. Kind of like the "he's just not that into you" line from Sex And The City that seemed so simple yet so hard to absorb.

In our society, especially as women, we are taught to be afraid of our feelings and make sure they are appropriate, measured, and by all means don't make anyone feel uncomfortable. Yet as anyone who has ever had their heart broken because of unrequited love knows there are few things in our youth- hell, as an adult- as painful.

This revelation happened to occur around the time I was heartbroken over someone I knew intellectually was a narcissist who wasn't any good for me, but somehow could not seem to get over. And then it hit me: the heart is the strongest most stubbornly independent part of us and it doesn't listen to the head (or the gut or even our naughty bits) and it's a waste of energy to resist its power. Instead of shame or sadness we have the choice to simply give in when loves strikes or lingers in us and know that we don't need to justify it, fix it, or act on it. We can live with the fact love for love's sake can't really hurt us if we let it be and stop resisting it. It's when we resist what's so that we really suffer... and suffer. When I just gave in and realized he is my non-fatal achilles heel and I will always have a soft-spot for him no matter how illogical it is, then the suffering stopped.

More recently I developed a total crush on someone I don't even know personally, and instead of resisting and judging how delusional it is, I'm having fun with it. Life is short so we might as well enjoy it; besides, what's the worst thing that could happen? Someone knows I have a crush on them? Even when I haven't wanted to be with someone who has felt that way about me I am at least flattered... and impressed with how exquisite of taste they have ☺

My hope is we let love flow thru us, because we are what we love and I know the world can use all the love and good energy we can emit.