(Not So) Bad (Not So) Good Guy

I'm not sure I'm going to be able to pull this off without offending someone and expressing myself just right but like I said in my previous post I do think the conversation about the Masculinity Crisis is of great importance so I'm going to give it a go. 

BE FOREWARNED: If you are easily offended skip this one 😬

First let me go back to where it all started... I was a HUGE fan of the Charlie Rose Show (yes, I know 😼). So when he had Louis CK (LCK) on for the hour I watched and was so delighted by their conversation. It was also around the time he did the bit on Conan about Everything's Amazing and I became an instant fan.

Well let me restate that... a huge fan of his interviews on TV because they were clean and calm and he was more himself. His comedy was quite vulgar and crude so I wasn't always a big fan of that. But when his FX show came out and he would talk about how he wrote, directed and edited it as well as starred in it, I knew he wasn't the schlub he was pretending to be on stage. He's a smarty.

And if you listened to his interview with his best friend of many years Marc Maron you also knew he was a soft and sensitive guy as well.

So that's where my crush came from for those wondering. 

Ok, back to the Theo Von interview and LCK's confession of being a sex addict... the thing that bugged me at first was when he said he was and still is confused about all of it. So below is my attempt to try and explain my understanding of why that might be. And I share this not to defend him but to have a real conversation about what things have changed for both men and women. Because if we don't begin to understand each other things are just going to get more divided and that would be bad for ALL of us. 

Here goes...

Theo brought up that what LCK had done wasn't that bad... well... it wasn't if you compared it to others in the industry:

• Cosby: Serial rapist who drugged women for decades and never admitted any wrongdoing. 
• Woody Allen: Even if you don't believe his daughter Dylan, which I do, he seduced his girlfriend's under-21-daughter who he had been at least a parental figure to. 
• Diddy: Hosted hottest party in the Hamptons and was .. well you know- really bad boy stuff!
• Trump: The man was caught on tape saying proudly he grabs women by the p#ssy and more than a few dozen came forward to say he sexually assaulted them. Not to mention he was best friends with a pedophile he had "wonderful secrets" with AND yet got elected TWICE to the highest office in the land/world. 

So by those measures, asking women if he could masturbate in front of them is minor league. 

Plus I'm sure for some this could also be confusing:

• Sarah Silverman: When they were younger her and her sister would often allow him to masturbate in front of them and she said she wasn't bothered by it and thought it was funny.
• Chelsie Handler: Is applauded as a strong woman while skiing down hills and then posting pictures of herself topless.

Up until the last few years I didn't enjoy either of them because I thought they were too much, and too crude for my tastes as well. But as they've aged and as Chelsie has talked about what she's learned in therapy - which is really profound and deep- I have really enjoyed both of them. And let's face it most of the top female comics for much of my life have had to be bawdy and ballsy to compete in the male dominated world. 

Don't even get me started on the Kardashians. You should know I really dislike what they stand for and it's personal to me. They are only famous because the name was associated with getting the killer of my high school friend, Ron Goldman, off for murder. That Kim was touted as having broken the internet for showing her butt on a magazine cover 😏 and how they took feminism back decades in what young girls think is successful by making BILLIONS modifying their bodies and flaunting sex is disheartening. 

All to say, for LCK and others it might be confusing what is truly bad and what can get you fame, money and an election. 

BUT...

Here is why it was really bad and was not OK for him to go back on the road before he cleaned it up and be flippant while standing in front of the SORRY sign joking about it. 

Sure the apology while decent compared to those denying their offenses was still jerky because he mentioned repeatedly that the women who were cornered admired him and that's why he shouldn't have asked them.

Nope not the reason! 

Many of them didn't admire him, they were just there for a job at their place of work and it was creepy to even ask. Also when a few talked about what had happened they were threatened to be blackballed by his agent. Not cool.

Though here's the main reason it was indeed so bad...

When you get assaulted by a stranger or a creepy uncle or a lech like Harvey Weinstein, it is gross and traumatic and will make a person hyper cautious of men/places that give them the ick. But when the man who they think is their pal or a good guy makes them feel unsafe then you have to be on-guard for every man because now you can't trust your own judgement. 

None of those women were new to seeing a penis- that wasn't the trauma- but to be put in a position that you're not sure if you will be raped or killed or maybe the least of it fired. It takes a person to be super strong or play along for her own safety. That shakes a person. 

Reminder, for those unaware: 

• 1 in 3 women have been experienced some form of abuse from an intimate partner.
• Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women – more than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined.
• Globally as many as 38% of all murders of women are committed by intimate partners.

And the ironic thing is his act is brilliant at explaining EXACTLY this...

So...

Louis, you took their trust in humanity and their judgement away from them. 

That was a very shitty thing to do!! 💩

Now, back to bringing us all together... there is nothing wrong with sex, or skiing naked or letting our friends/dates/pros see us enjoying ourselves. But time, place, permission and reading the room is called for. If in doubt, don't even ask to pull it out!!!

My guess is that LCK is not as confused as he claims, but wisely is again playing a little dense because he's afraid to say our society sends mixed signals when we can be sexual/aggressive and get a pass. As I mentioned in the last post the Masculinity Crisis affects everything. I get why in his asking he thought he was not that horrible and then being hated felt so scary for him. But not for nothing, when he said he didn't feel safe anywhere, that's how many women feel all the time. 

The bear... women chose to be alone with a bear for God's sakes!

So my hope is that this makes people see the other side and the disservice of us living on two sides of the patriarchy. And hopefully we all weed out the true sociopaths and the good guys at heart get another chance to do the work and become DUE Gooders. 

The Hole

Elizabeth "Eat, Pray, Love" Gilbert was on Oprah's book club and was describing her feeling, as a love-addict, as having a deep God-sized hole in her. 

So so descriptive! Even if not a fan, I recommend you watch it because she is very raw and it was a shocking -even by Oprah's standards- interview. It was also the second time in a month I had heard someone describe a profound alone, brokenness in them. 

The other was when I was reading my faux-love, Ivan Lewy Moody's, book of poetry which is almost all about being alone in the world and empty inside 😢

Now I've been sad and depressed at different times of my life but never have I felt like what they were describing. Lucky for me not even close. BUT... I have loved people who have not loved themselves so I know how real and painful and hellacious it can be to live with that. 

And of course I have sympathy for the people that feel that way, I do... and I also find it to be one of the most narcissistic ways to be in the world. [Keep reading I get nicer, this is the tough love part]. To think you are so special that you need to be loved by others and be above the basics of the human condition is ridiculous. And I don't mean that as a kid or young person- that is indeed tragic- but if you're an adult and you've seen how lucky we are to even be alive and you're going to waste this precious life suffering about what you don't have, I BEG you to do yourself and humanity a solid and get therapy (+ meds + a dog 🐶) and heal yourself 🙏

This was also top of mind because I can't stop thinking about what would drive a person to catfish another person, if not for money, and my guess it's the same emptiness about their life. So this was super fresh when... my other parasocial relationship, Louis CK (LCK), pops up in interviews last weekend. 

I had thought I had figured out LCK's deal when he started touring again and even while standing in front of a giant SORRY sign refused to acknowledge just how bad he had fucked up. It pained me to think he was a cold unremorseful asshole and I was still smarting for ever having had crushed on him. Well 🙄  

He was promoting his book on Theo Von's podcast and more than halfway through he brings up how he is a sex-addict and has had the compulsion since he masturbated as a child. And yes, some sociopaths could pull that out as an excuse to rehabilitate their reputation but he takes responsibility in a way I was moved to tears. It was what I had hoped for eight years back. A must watch... (to go to confession part 01:30:00)

I'm writing this post because I feel like it is one of the most important conversations today. If you haven't already heard about it we are living through a huge Masculinity Crisis. Scott Galloway (NYU professor, author, podcaster) describes it as the biggest issue affecting everything from politics to mating. 

When I started to think about how all these stories kept describing a hole, cavern, numbness, emptiness it gave me a flashback to Nathan Sawaya's amazing Lego art piece, Yellow. It is one of my favorite sculptures and I think it's a good way for me to illustrate how this appears to me.

If we start out feeling empty inside we will naturally search out love. But even if we are lucky enough to find some (and feel the joy that comes along with it) if we have a hole in us we won't absorb it, and it will leak right out. And that will make us just feel even more empty, and then unlovable, which will continue the cycle.

It took me into my late 40's to realize one can't love another unless they truly love themself. And the key is no matter how much love someone has for you or pours into you, wholeness and love is an inside job.

So if you have kids, especially boys, show them how you love yourself and others in a healthy way. Because you deserve that! Therapy, 12-step program SLAA, God, this book, duct tape... whatever it takes heal that hole in you so you feel the love that is available in this world. 

I wrote the above poem to express what it feels like to love someone who's hole won't let them feel it. It's its own kind of torture. But I also know it's possible to heal in life and I hope this image and these words will allow anyone who needs it to fill the hole with wholeness and JOY 

                                                                                 ❤️‍🩹

MOODY LOVE: AI Will Break Our Hearts

A few months ago I began a project on Good Capitalism but with all things these days there is entwinement of topics so find my latest share over there. 

Finding Joy is going to get more layered and tricky with the advancements in      AI 🤖 which means you'll see cross-posting so you can follow along 😉

Good Capitalism: What The World Needs NOW!

Where can Pope Leo, Bill Maher and me all agree? 

That AI 🤖 is coming and we have some BIG decisions to make!

The above project is something I've been working on for a while but sped up getting it out because of the urgency I've seen in the last few months. You can read more about how that came about HERE 

Don't worry-worry but if you know someone who knows someone please pass it along or put me in touch. Carry on 🤞 😉

Theme 2025

If you know me, you know I love a theme! I mean I've been doing this start of the year ritual since 2009. But for 2025 all I could think of was I see nothing! Meaning I can't see or even get a feeling what the year ahead is to hold or even what I want to create for it.

I had sort of checked out the end of 2024 after the election and was numb after so many of our fellow citizens voted him back in. And then just before Thanksgiving I had fallen down my stairs and fractured my ankle so bad I need surgery. So I missed Christmas with my family in Florida and with my friends to ring in the new year. I've been just sitting around healing my heel.

Having several more weeks off my feet I have been trying to embrace the quiet and calm. And when I said I think NOTHING is going to be my theme for 2025 my bestie Vickie reminded me of her husband Bill's favorite Landmark teaching of: coming from nothing. It rang so true I knew that was what I wanted for myself and for you if you'd like to join me as well.

NOTHING: intentionally setting aside all pre-existing beliefs, identities and limitations to create a space for transformation, essentially starting fresh and taking full responsibility for shaping your life without relying on past narratives or self-imposed restrictions. 

So imagine you have all your past experiences, traumas, opinions and stories all filling a chalkboard and instead of working with them to build a narrative of how you want the year to go you erase everything and start with a blank slate and create possibilities from scratch.

No have-tos, obligations, needs, upsets, anger, disappointments. Basically, creating from a place of anything is possible!  And, nothing is already determined!

I would enjoy being employed so I don't deplete my savings but I have enough to sustain me if I'm not. I would enjoy being healthy and well but this injury has reminded me how lucky I am to be in even a casted leg. I would enjoy finding love but maybe they're not ready for me yet so better to wait. Who knows?!

I have NOTHING to stress and worry about, nothing to force, nothing to drag me down. 
I can create anything that is possible for me when I feel ready for it and on my own terms. 

What do I have to lose? NOTHING! 

Happy New Year! I wish you nothing but NOTHING & JOY 💗