Putting Problems In Perspective

To see or not to see...

Recently a friend who had attended CREATING 2013 called with a huge breakthrough she had while sketching out the ME Map of her life. She realized that once she saw the big picture of her life only a few family members (less then 10 people total) were creating 75% of the negativity in her life. She described it as about a quarter's worth of ink compared to the full page that made up her map. That small quantity of folks brought a big deal of frustration that distracted her from the vast amounts of quality things in her life. She could not believe that after years of working on herself and analyzing what could make her happier that it only took a simple visual to see a new perspective on her life. Why was she wasting that much energy on those people when she could be lavishing it on the ones who truly loved and appreciated her?!

The irony is she is a very insightful person and if she had been listening to a friend talk about the same issues she would have most likely been able to spot her friend had things way out of proportion. Unfortunately we often can't see it for ourselves. And that's why mapping out our lives can be so powerful. We get the big picture of the good, the bad, and the ugly and get some perspective on what we are spending our time, money, and energy on. When we give something or someone a disproportionate amount of our attention we can often forget how fulfilling and awesome the rest of our lives are.

What in your life do you have out of proportion and need a new perspective on?

Word On The Workshop

Full Disclosure: These are unsolicited thoughts from friends that took workshop,
I simply asked if I could quote them after they said such nice things. 

The January 12th CREATING 2013 Workshop went fantastic, as you can sense from above. Would love to see you at next one on February 9th! Register HERE.

JOY FULLY HAPPY!

2013 Theme

2013 Theme: JOY FULLY HAPPY!

To me it means to: be myself, live fully (and more daringly), and to focus on what's going to make me happy in all aspects of life. Cheers to 2013 and whatever You're creating for yourself!

CREATING Workshop

CREATING 2014 Workshop from Joy Meredith

UPDATED: 
(CLICK HERE)

 CREATING 2013 

NEXT DATE:   November 23, 2013 
                            (*see special event details)

Time:                  10am - 12:30pm 
                            (*special time 11-12:30)

Where:                Illinois Institute of Technology
                              (Rice Campus)
                              201 East Loop Road, Wheaton IL  

Investment:     $100 now $120.13 at the door if available

Take Aways:    You’ll leave with a hard-cover professional artist sketchpad, an easy-to-follow guide to the technique, and a tangible blueprint of what you’ll be working on to create the life you want.

SPECIAL EVENT: For this month in celebration of my favorite holiday ThanksGiving I'm hosting this event for FREE. It starts at 11 and goes until 12:30.  Please invite friends and come celebrate a wonderful 2013 and begin to create a fantastic 2014!
Email me to let me know you can make it :)

UPCOMING WORKSHOPS:
(same location and details as above)

January 11, 2014

* feel free to come solo, you'll meet some lovely folks... but it's always great if you can do something this fun and important with someone you care about so invite away :)

It's Time To Be Selfish & Get Happy!

Today could be the day... or tomorrow... or July 22, 2022. Who knows? What I do know is that time moves fast and forward and is finite. So how shall we spend it? I say: HAPPY!

The Dalai Lama was once asked what the purpose of life is, his answer: to be happy. Everyone will find happiness in different forms but you only need look around to see, hear, and feel for yourself that we are surrounded by many, many folks who aren't living a happy day.

A few weeks back I was lunching with a close friend who from external observations looks to have it all: nice family, comfortable lifestyle, healthy, charitable, etc. And yet when we began talking about her plans for the new year she tossed around that she really needs to be doing more. Should she get a part-time job, do more volunteer work, what? I took a deep breath and mustered my compassion and offered up my boldly blunt take- stop with the doing, work on the being!

I have noticed that almost all my friends are living exhausted lives. Whether they're parents working inside or outside the home, or single and trying to date while moving up the success ladder- it's all this doing, doing, doing. And yet, all the things and people and activities seem to do is drain them; and while maybe not unhappy, they're not joyfully happy either.

As the unconventional friend who decided not to marry or have kids, and is wandering a different path it's so clear from my outsider's little perch our society is overwhelming our minds, our bodies, our kids. People are so worried about preservatives, guns, stranger-danger, and breast cancer when the top reason (75%+) people see a doctor is stress related. And it affects everything: OSHA reports workplace stress is a $300 billion drain on American industry. Even as someone who manages my stress rather well, that is not enough. Even Joy needs more joy in her life!

There is no one-size-fits-all solution to what will cure this malaise. But whatever it is, it starts with working on our happiness. My advice to my friend was more baths, naps, massages, fun reading, and time just drinking and hanging out with friends. Then coming from a rested, rejuvenated place she can create what would truly light her up.

Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.                                  ~Howard Thurman     

She paused, seemed taken aback, and then got choked up. She said it sounded so selfish to spend all that time and energy on herself. Really? Listen, there are things that need to be done to keep our lives moving forward but we do no one, NO ONE any good walking around exhausted, depleted and less then our fabulous selves. When I hear someone complain they have no time for fun or time for themselves because they have to run their kid here or there, or they have this obligation or that... I think to myself (and occasionally say outloud)- uhm, no you don't. Or at least you don't need to do it in a way that it completely leaves no time for you to work on yourself and your happiness.

In the last few years I have seen several friends go through painful divorces, and you know what even when it wasn't their fault, so to speak, it was... at least in some part. If you pour all your energy into your kids, house, pets, job, volunteer work and don't have time for yourself-- how happy do you think you are to be around? How happy is your couplehood? How happy is your home? How happy can your kids possibly be with exhausted, un-loved-up parents (wink, wink... you know what I mean)? 

You could wait until you have every-other weekend free to work on making yourself happy, or until you're sitting in a hospital bed waiting on your next treatment, or when someone you loves passes to get the hint or you could make 2013 your year of happiness. I guarantee you, there is no effort, dollar amount, time sacrifice that is too much to pay for your happiness. Everyone, EVERYONE, benefits from your happiness: spouse, kids, in-laws, co-workers, neighbors, lady in line behind you in the grocery store who catches a glimpse of your smile.

So my wish for you this New Year ahead is that you get selfish and get as HAPPY as you can be!

Thankful For It ALL!

November 19th: World Toilet Day

Every year I spend the days before Thanksgiving making my ThanksGiving List, where I note some specifics of what I want to thank my friends for during my traditional Thanksgiving Calls to them on Thursday morning. It takes some pre-thought to decide exactly what I want to say but it's easy and such a pleasure to spend the time thinking about all that I am thankful for in those I love. 

Gratitude for all the good and love in our life is easy; not everyone takes the time but if put on the spot each of us can without much effort think of at least a few things to be thankful for in our lives. The harder, more deeper, and dare I say more joyful exercise is to practice being thankful for it all. Everything in our lives! 

When I read about World Toilet Day it had a profound impact on me and upped my gratitude exponentially. Did you know that 2.5 BILLION people live without a toilet and proper sanitation?! World Toilet Day along with Charity: Water and Water.Org do great jobs drawing attention to the fact that there are BILLIONS of people living without the most basic of basics. 

When I have a bad day, feel something's lacking, or am just not fully present to the joys of my day, I stop myself and for one brief moment give thanks if I have nothing else in life... I have water and a toilet. To think there are so many that don't humbles me and makes anything I have to complain about seem small and trivial. So this Thanksgiving I'm not just thankful for the big things, I'm thankful for the smallest, simplist things too.

To be thankful for it all we need to evaluate any upset in our lives in reverse. I was annoyed earlier in the month about how friends were fighting about the election then I thought how awesome it is to live in a country we get to debate these kind of topics out loud, how great it is folks care enough to fight about what's important to them, and lucky I am to have passionate people in my life. Irritated I am getting a cold this week, I was reminded how lucky I am to be healthy most of time and how fortunate I was to be able to be there for people I loved when they were ill.

Only when we can be grateful for all life has in store for us are we really living in gratitude. Sure it takes some effort to find gratitude in the annoyances, disappointments, and suffering in life but like a friend who had gone almost two weeks without power said after the storm- at least we were safe and we were together. 

There are some shitty things that happen in life- things that can almost destroy us... but if we're here after we get knocked down we have, if nothing else, another day, hour, minute to be thankful for. 

I'm hoping you have the Happiest Thanksgiving ever and am wishing you gratitude for wherever you are, whatever you have, the strength to handle whatever you're dealing with and the joy to appreciate all that life brings next :)

FORWARD >>>> Together!

Anyone who's remotely interested in politics has had their heart broken in the last decade. It's the rare voter who cast theirs: Bush, Bush, Obama, Obama. So we've all been there the day after a big disappointment.

I was elated with Obama's win last night and went to sleep exhausted but very content. Then came today! Complete melt-down from my Republican friends on Facebook. And I don't mean aw-shucks disappointment I mean: "vomit"; "I'm disgusted that people are so stupid"; "I’m just really scared and sad for our country". There is also the irony that these comments are all coming from normally loving, kind Christians.  Made me wonder: Isn't that what He wanted? Why are they fighting God's will? But I digress...

As I was reading through these posts at first I got very angry and could barely control my annoyance. I was especially worked up at someone's bashing of Obama on healthcare because she fears for Obamacare. She has a pre-existing condition but is under the impression that her care will be compromised more with new laws vs existing. I was about to look up the facts and tell her how wrong she is and how she is being ridiculous because it actually removes yearly and lifetime caps so it is doing the exact opposite of what she is claiming....

But then I stopped and thought about why someone who is a good person is acting so emotionally. And a wave of what I can only think of as compassion flowed through me (it might have been the Lord speaking to me, who knows?). First, I'm no healthcare expert, maybe she's right and her understanding of her care is correct. Second, even if she is totally wrong, she is scared, she is not healthy, she must be really frightened to be this worked up.

And even the people I know who have little if nothing to lose with an Obama second term, have something going on with them that is making them nervous and upset. What would be the upside of gloating?

If we are this divided and angry about an election no wonder we carry that through to not being able to work together. Today instead of being a happy day, I was a bit heart-broken: if there is this much anger and venom in my own neighborhood how will there ever be peace in the world?

The only way is to move forward together. To realize we don't get all that we want in any relationship, be it working, romantic, or familia. Our sister doesn't listen to all our advice, our spouse all our preferences, or our co-workers all our requests. We need compromise and cooperation.

Clinton joked about it, but Nate Silver, the stats-wizard who predicted perfectly how the electoral map would land, proves it to be true: MATH is important. Things need to add up and be understandable if we want to transform them. Let's take one of the most controversial topics in the election: abortion. The Republicans have strong held beliefs that life begins at conception and I understand their passion on this issue. But, there is the math of it. Abortion numbers will not go down and in fact go up if birth control is not available and affordable. Teens will get pregnant if they are not given proper sex-education. Rape does cause pregnancy in over 30,000 women a year. People have sex no matter what other people's moral convictions are. It is proven the majority of the population does not wait until their wedding night to have sex nor want every child that may be produced once marital relations commence.

So what does that mean for Republicans politically? It means if they want less abortions they need to work with Democrats to reduce those numbers. Moral high-ground is worthless without coming to the table to work on a solution. They'll need to support women's healthcare, and dare I say support Planned Parenthood's goal of providing women with birth-control options. They'll need to support giving teens the biological facts in school while sharing their own moral convictions at home. And I have a brilliant idea on not only how they can make women safer, but also score some political points, AND reduce abortions: Make the first bill they champion across party-lines and send up for a vote in the next session the Sexual Assault Forensic Evidence Registry Act (SAFER). Have every Congressperson join together to fund a sexual assault registry and to make it mandatory to process all the hundreds of thousands of unprocessed rape kits.

Read more here: http://www.star-telegram.com/2012/09/17/4266950/cornyn-pushes-bill-to-fund-rape.html#storylink=cpy

I am an independent voter and I have voted for numerous Republicans in the past when they were for fiscal responsibility, national defense, and personal liberty. No matter what party, I think we can all agree on the upside of reducing tens of thousands of abortions while providing safety for women by getting more rapist off the streets. Win-win.

We aren't going to get everything we want in life and especially in governance, so we need to all collectively work together, put something of value on the table, and stop trying to make it a winner take all, zero-sum game. We can only move FORWARD as a nation TOGETHER!

Who Cares?!

v: @anamariecox 

Storm Sandy was nowhere near where I live, yet I could not escape it. It was everywhere you looked: online, on tv, on FB, Twitter... everywhere! And many of the people I care about were smack dab in the thick of it.

It was chilly in Chicagoland but sunny all week and so it seemed so weird that the East Coast could be almost washed away while I was busy running errands and going about my day. This was the first national disaster where I was watching my social media feeds and my phone document the scene my friends were going through. It was hard to hear and watch it without being able to help.

It made me tear-up to see folks offering to help my friend/agent Laurie get gas for her generator or to put up her family if they could make it to NH from NJ. Or the way Lisa was directing her friends how to get help if needed or where they could go to volunteer to help their NYC neighbors if able. Heartwarming!

And then there was the idiots like Donald Trump who instead of donating all he could to relief efforts was ridiculously continuing to try and bait the President with a $5M donation for his college transcripts. Or the desperately delusional Twitterer who thought it was amusing to put out false tweets about NYC conditions while New Yorkers were hungry for information. 

AP: Frank Franklin II

There were heros who tried to save people during  the storm who lost their lives that broke my heart and there were bi-partisan political buddies Obama and Christie that gave me hope. There was even the irony and beauty of a rainbow that appeared over Queens after much of it was ravaged. 

When calamity strikes it brings out people's true nature... and thank goodness most of us are there for our neighbors and do what needs to be done. The endless energy of Mayor Cory Booker driving around delivering diapers and supplies and checking in on people's grandparents; even the small kindness of letting others use their power so they could charge their phones made a difference. 

It warms my heart to see all the folks who truly care for each other in crisis. And for the ones that don't, it is their loss, because when darkness hits their door who will care about them?! 

[fyi:  American Red Cross needs cash and blood if you can spare either. I'm scheduled to donate blood at Lexington Health Care Center 675 S. Roselle Road, Schaumburg on Nov 6th at 2:30 if you want to join me :) ]