Are You Well?

Last week on Twitter, Canadian phone company Bell sponsored a #BellLetsTalk day to spread the word that it's time to talk about mental health. Glenn Close released a video addressing trying to end the stigma of mental illness last week as well. And that's great and I agree! But I think there are a lot of people that don't have mental illness, so to speak, but are also not well. Let's call it mild depression. And let's talk about it. 

I'll go first... in 2001 I was super stressed at my job and had some relationship issues that were making me sad and I was just out of sorts. And when I shared that I wasn't feeling great I downplayed it so no one really took me seriously because by nature I was a mostly a happy person. I was the one others came to tell there problems to. Only after I got into a car accident did I finally start to take the issue seriously. At first I tried medication which took the edge off but wasn't really what I needed so I got a therapist and did some real work on myself. 

It snapped me out of the funk enough so that even when the next year a bunch of things started going wrong that were out of my control (deaths, breakup, job change) I was able to cope. One big breakthrough I had came during a weekend seminar I took when I noticed that if I was in a good state my shoulders were relaxed and I could breath normally and when my shoulders were off so was I. At that moment I knew I would never let myself get that stressed and exhausted again. So now whenever I catch myself getting super tense or feeling off I can reset myself because I know how to think my way through the anxiety.

Recently a few friends have come to me sharing that they are having a hard time with this issue or that and when I suggest that they either go talk to a doctor or a therapist they resist. 

We don't have to be mentally ill to kick our mental health up a notch. This can mean everything from evaluating our sleep habits, alcohol consumption, stress levels, unhealed childhood trauma... whatever it may be.

Here's the thing, depression sneaks up on you. Depression doesn't mean someone has mental illness, per se, it might just mean they are exhausted, that there is real stresses they need help with, that there might be a nutritional or hormonal issue that might be wearing on their body. Who knows?  

What I do know is that people die if they don't take care of themselves. If depression goes untreated it can lead to physical illness and further mental issues and for a couple people I've known even suicide. It's not something to just ignore. 

So how are you? Really?

If you haven't been your best please at least get some more rest. If that doesn't help tell someone you aren't doing great and see if you can get some advice from a professional. 

Don't live your life numb or sad or not well. People who care about you are busy with their own lives but I assure you they would want you to stop them and ask for help because they want you well. The burden on your friends and family doesn't come from getting you help it comes with dealing with someone they care about who won't get help. 

And if someone is caring and brave enough to share that they are concerned about you please don't brush them off or be embarrassed or ignore their concerns. If they notice you're not you lately take that as a cue to check in with yourself and see if now might be a good time to get a physical and maybe reassess where you are with other life matters. 

We all deserve a good life! That won't always mean sunshine and rainbows but if you're not good-- get help. I want us all to be well so we can partake in the joy of life :)

Creating 2016!

Wishing YOU a fabulous 2016! Cheers to creating your Best Year Ever :)

ME Mapping: Creating Your Year from Joy Meredith

The ThanksGiving List

It's that time of year! Gobble Gobble up the Love. XO

Happy Thanksgiving :)

FINDING JOY: The ThanksGiving List: Over a decade ago I started my favorite tradition ever:  The ThanksGiving List . It is a list of my closest friends and why I am thankfu...

What I Love About You...

Today at lunch a friend shared that her and her love randomly do The Top 10 Things I Love About You to each other and not only does it immediately shift her mood it has brought them closer. Although she confessed she limits it to 5 so they're really good ones. She gave me full credit (which you know I love!) and it reminded me that next week is Thanksgiving so some thanking and some acknowledgment is perfect timing.

The Top 10 is a little thing I started in my twenties with my best college friends. We would go around the table at dinner and count down 10 things- a la David Letterman- we loved about the Birthday Girl or if someone was having a particularly hard day we would do a special one for them. Instant lovefest!

The funny thing about The 10 is that occasionally it winds down to things that might not be huge compliments but are still amusing things that people notice about you. There have been mention of great eyebrows, wonderful magazine subscriptions, nice feet, and actually one year I was "loved" for how I give her the best compliments.
I'll take it ;)  The thing is to have fun and be kind.

The ThanksGiving List is a tradition that was actually a branch off of The Top 10 which is where I call my closest friends the morning of Thanksgiving and thank them for specific moments in our friendship that year. It is my favorite two hours of the year and it literally makes my life filled with happiness. It is like I am the thankful-fairy getting for give out little bouquets of love. I know it sounds gaggy but try it and I dare you to prove that it doesn't completely change your life and your friendships.

The world is a little extra scary lately so whether you count them down or serve them up with cherry turnovers- the next week is a great time to dish out some love. Cheers to a fabulous Thanksgiving and I hope your gravy boat overflows with gratitude and love. XO

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Brittany Maynard's Legacy Of Love

Brittany Maynard, 1984 – 2014

Brittany Maynard is a hero. 

She, her mother, and her husband have done an amazing thing: given end of life planning and rights a face and a voice. The lengths her mother and husband went to to comfort her when she was alive and fight for her legacy and last wishes, by getting the California’s End of Life Option Act passed, is truly inspirational. 

Today Governor Jerry Brown signed the bill that will go into effect starting January 2016 and will likely change the momentum going in other states and also the way the topic is addressed in political campaigns and around family tables. 

I keep thinking of her and how courageous, so open and vocal she was about her advocacy when she had so little time left in her life. That she spent her last months fighting for this right for others is awe inspiring and so generous. Her family obviously loved her and she took their strength to champion this cause and then they took her strength and continued her march. What a circle of love.  

Please take this as an opportunity to make your wishes- whether you agree with her personal decision or not- be known to your family. There is no greater gift to our loved ones then knowing what our final wishes are.

Thank you Brittany!

The Joy of Failure

                                                                  

My favorite part of back-to-school time has always been the new school supplies. I mean I LOVE fresh new school supplies! But mostly I loved the feeling of starting off with a fresh clean new start to something. Anything is possible. New friends. New crushes. Oh, and the learning... ah, the learning.

Remember when learning was fun and exciting and you couldn't get enough? I remember how excited I was to go into third grade because that's when you learned division and cursive! (Thanks Mrs. Rabbit :) ) It didn't even matter if you made a mistake because then you got to use your fresh new pink eraser. We erased so much that we eventually wore out the cap erasers that sat on top of our pencil's eraser.

Well, where has our love for learning gone?

Jessica Lahey has a new book out, The Gift Of Failure, and she has some very interesting things to say about how we are creating kids who are more interested in good grades and not making mistakes then learning and exploring and trying new things. Why? Because what if they fail?

We've turned the love of learning into the love of praise for perfection. Clean sneakers instead of taking on a messy challenge.

While I don't know Jessica personally we share the same agent so I have seen many tweets and articles about this topic lately, and I'm fascinated to dig in. Not just because I have nieces and nephews and other dear kids in my life, but because it's not just a lesson for parenting kids. It's a lesson and challenge to us all to take on failure for the love of learning and the expansion of our small world into a bigger one.

A writer friend and I share the joke that the messier or more ridiculous things get in our lives the more interesting our story will be later. A smooth life leads to a boring biography. If there is no failure, where is the inspiration?

Let's say I'm only about mid-way through my life (hopefully, fingers crossed), I would say my biggest regret so far is that I didn't challenge myself enough. Why? I was afraid of not winning what I thought would be a big bet. Instead I've ventured out only as far as I feel comfortable. A real adventure might lead to unfamiliar challenges, losses, ego blows, humiliation, etc.... Scary!

So of course if the majority of us want to stay safe in a familiar world, we want to keep the kids we love just as enclosed too. But that comes at a big price. They lose that love of learning. They are afraid to fail. They don't get creative, they get in line with everyone else. They please the graders instead of exploring what might be a new path or way of doing things.

This is the perfect time of the year to create a plan (or dare I say map out) what we want to expose our kids to as they start this new grade. And the best way to teach them how to love learning and embrace failure is to show them the way. Being a brave learner ourselves opens up the space to encourage others to venture out as well. And isn't the only true failure in life not living a full one?!

The gift in failure is the adventure along the way, the story to tell when we finally succeed or come close, and the knowledge we gather about what did and didn't work. Failure is not usually fun but the lessons are priceless and give us character and bravery. And keep in mind: Stepford kids are just as creepy as programmed wives.

What will you do this Fall that will bring you the gift of failure? What joy can you find in learning that it's better to fail at something extraordinary then to settle for ordinary? Be brave! Enjoy the failures. I intend to fail at some fun stuff myself :)

Gentle... Gentle...

Archie Martin

My Sister trains her dogs to take snacks from her hand slowly by coaching them: gentle... gentle. It keeps fingers safe, makes the process more memorable, and sets the tone for how she wants the connection with her furlings to be.

The last couple of years she has taken to using this phrase whenever any of us family-members are teasing too harshly, being too direct, or wearing our crabby-pants. It is usually effective. We back-off and change our tone or add in something nice to recoup from our nastiness.

This has now become a call for how I want all difficult situations to be handled. When I am dealing with anyone I care about I'm practicing and training myself to take a deep breath and see how I want to feed to -or have them feed me- the criticism, bad news, frustration or annoyance.

Can I be more gentle in my tone. My understanding of what they might be going through. The way I want to interact no-matter-what with them. Gentle. Gentle.

Can we be more gentle, sympathetic, and patient when dealing with ourselves and others? It's a worthy trick if we can train ourselves to. And there is the treat of more kindness and calm on the other end. Very rewarding, less ruff, ruff ;)

Thanks Sis! xo