Happy Conscience

For those that don't know I at one time had a little thing for Louis CK. I know, I know but gather yourself and let's move on to the insight this brings me to...

We had been chatting about a Happy Mind and one of the keys to that is a clear conscience free of shame, guilt, regret and bad vibes. If we are haunted by things we've done, even if we have lots of happy in our life, this shadow of darkness will follow us.

There is a reason that 12-step programs include steps of inventorying and making amends to people that we've wronged and most religions have some form of atonement for bad acts we've committed. 

Recently an ex texted to say they were sorry about how things didn't work out with us and they hope I will forgive them someday. And it reminded me of Louis CK's big SORRY sign 😏

Sure it's nice to hear someone is sorry but it only counts in my book if they clean up the mess they made along with the words they speak (or in LCK's case, stand in front of). The onus is not on the person that's been wronged to forgive someone if it's just blah, blah, blah to make them feel less guilty. True forgiveness is earned by correcting the behavior, owning what they did, and restitution to make things at a minimum as repaired as possible. 

You're sorry?

What for? 

Where did you own what you did? 

What have you done to clean up your mess? 

And where is the restitution to make up for the damage you wrought?

We all mess up. We all cause pain even when we're not trying to hurt someone; but when we know we did something truly bad we can't just text/statement it away. 

LCK used humor and the fact that some fans didn't care what he did to salve/ignore his guilt. Not good enough. He owes the women he harassed compensation for what he did to them. There were women who suffered career and other real damage from his actions. The 10ft tall sign was bright and flashy alright and I did actually watch his special to see what he had to say- but there was no sorry in his act or actions. 

Again, the human condition is we all have a level of meanness in us, none of us is so saintly that we don't ever do anything wrong. It's hard, painful and sometimes costly to clean up our messes so we mostly don't go there. What a waste because if we cleared our conscience and did the hard part we would have a happy healthy mind, heart and future. 

How important is cleaning up our conscience? Well, it's the second chapter in my book, only the one about love comes before it. Because a festering ick in our life just gets ickier!

Someone once described a clear conscience as being able to walk into any room with your head held high no matter who you might run into and I think that's a pretty good visual. 

The irony is if we summon the strength to own our messes there is a pop of relief, peace and closure that is worth the effort and humility on the other side. 

So if you're regretting something you've done or your conscience is not clear, don't let your pride, stubbornness or fear stop you from getting things handled. Map out what is there for you and don't get overwhelmed, but just do a little step at a time to clean up your karma.

Otherwise, you'll be the one sorry you didn't 😌

Paperback Release!!!

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PAPERBACK, Baby!

It is with unbelievable excitement that I announce my book, which was originally published in 2007 and in hardcover, is getting new life and is coming out in 

PAPERBACK!!!!

I can't explain the exact reason for my good fortune but I got an email a few weeks back from my new editor asking me to approve the back cover for the Fall 2015 release. It came as a complete shock and I literally jumped up and down at the news and when I confirmed the new release date, October 13, 2015, with my agent I was still in shock. 

Here's the thing, my book was not a bestseller by any means and I was always so grateful it got published in the first place- even though the conversation is timeless- that I had quietly accepted it had been sold out for a few years and it had run its course. Funny my dear friend Vickie always believed it had not even begun to hit its stride and would still introduce me as her author friend with this fabulous book even though I had no actual books left to sell. 

Ok now for the really woowoo part: my new editor's name is Trish which is my Mother's name. I am not an otherworldly believer but even I got chills at the timing and the coincidence. My Mother loved this book so much and even though I had done some pretty-decent things in my life she was never more proud then when it came out and would always introduce me to her friends and colleagues as her daughter the authoress (which I thought she made up but turns out is actually a real term). 

Is it because of the timing that corresponds with the debate going on in the nation around brave and amazing Brittany Maynard? Brilliant and adorable Atul Gawande making the thought provoking and personal Being Mortal a hit? Is it just random that there was a slot for death and dying that MLW fit into? Is it my Mom influencing the publishing world from above? Who knows?! I'm just thrilled that my little book (my baby) has been given new life, will reach more people, and will allow me to continue to discuss this extremely important topic. 

A Favor: Now here's where I hope you'll join in. Social media is huge now, unlike back when I was launching the book the first time, so I would love your support in anyway you see fit. Have any connections with bloggers, media outlets, bookclubs? Please introduce me. Have suggestions of any other kind, I'm all ears. Want to pre-order some for your whole family? Aw shucks, that's so nice of you

THANKS! I want to thank all the people who helped me on my first journey, the readers who bought the book and shared it with others, my agent extraordinaire Laurie Abkemeier who took a chance on me, the people at HarperCollins who have taken two now, Anne Cole Norman my awesome original editor, Trish Daly my delightful new one, and all the mysterious forces that have gone in to bringing this about. As you can see on my face above, I could not be more excited!

I'll keep you posted... and in the meantime have a really great Summer!

Time To Have... The TALK

The Death TALK w. Chat-About-Checklist from Joy Meredith

The TALK, depending on where you are in life could mean: getting married, time to have a baby, explaining sex to your curious kid, or the dreaded breaking up. But, if you're in the sandwich phase of life, kids and aging parents, then it's about Death.

Already cringing? Don't! Having a conversation about life and death is one of the responsibilities of adulthood and trust me it's way, way worse if you don't have it. And although every once and awhile one goes off the rails, most lead to a reaffirming gratitude that you've said what you wanted to say on the issue and relief that now you can get back to living a life worthy of a good death.

When I was writing my book My Last Wishes... folks, especially strangers, would always tell me of some horrible story of a family torn apart by the mess a death left in its wake. At this very moment I have more then a couple of friends living through nightmarish aftermaths of parents who never got around to getting their affairs in order. And let me be clear, a conversation even in front of all parties involved won't stop all the chaos if there is already bad blood; but having the talk about death gets the basics wishes on the table and are at least a starting point.

Speaking of tables, I was delighted to find out that there is a new trend hitting the dinner party circuit called Death Over Dinner. People in over 250 cities are throwing events on August 24th to kick off this grassroots movement. Wish I'd known sooner I would have totally hosted one- any friends interested? Anyway, I love the idea of it and will absolutely participate next year.

Sure death discussions probably aren't as much fun as discussing winning the lottery over chocolate fondue... but imagine how connected you'll be to others knowing how they feel about embarking on life's last great adventure. And as TEDTalk speaker Michael Hebb, who started the conversation says: looking at death has taught me how to live.

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Look at life, talk about death... let's not avoid the topic and not say what needs to be said leaving everyone we love with a pile of sadness and frustration when we're no longer here. You're better than that. So whether over a nice dinner with friends, or a quiet Sunday afternoon with your parents and/or spouse have the talk. Above you will find my Chat-About-Checklist slidedeck taken from MLW... that serves as a summary and springboard to the key topics you'll want to touch on. And if you're really ready to dive in get my book and leave it all on the table :)

I wish you the most wonderful life and, when it's your time, a very good death.