Saturday, October 15, 2011

You Are What You Love

I remember nothing from the movie Adaptation but the clip above and the quote: you are what you love, not what loves you. 

The thought on the surface seems desperate, slightly psycho, but something about it rang so true. When I first saw the movie it was on DVD and I watched that part over a few times just to let it sink in. It was one of the most freeing thoughts I'd heard in a long while. Kind of like the "he's just not that into you" line from Sex And The City that seemed so simple yet so hard to absorb.

In our society, especially as women, we are taught to be afraid of our feelings and make sure they are appropriate, measured, and by all means don't make anyone feel uncomfortable. Yet as anyone who has ever had their heart broken because of unrequited love knows there are few things in our youth- hell, as an adult- as painful.

This revelation happened to occur around the time I was heartbroken over someone I knew intellectually was a narcissist who wasn't any good for me, but somehow could not seem to get over. And then it hit me: the heart is the strongest most stubbornly independent part of us and it doesn't listen to the head (or the gut or even our naughty bits) and it's a waste of energy to resist its power. Instead of shame or sadness we have the choice to simply give in when loves strikes or lingers in us and know that we don't need to justify it, fix it, or act on it. We can live with the fact love for love's sake can't really hurt us if we let it be and stop resisting it. It's when we resist what's so that we really suffer... and suffer. When I just gave in and realized he is my non-fatal achilles heel and I will always have a soft-spot for him no matter how illogical it is, then the suffering stopped.

More recently I developed a total crush on someone I don't even know personally, and instead of resisting and judging how delusional it is, I'm having fun with it. Life is short so we might as well enjoy it; besides, what's the worst thing that could happen? Someone knows I have a crush on them? Even when I haven't wanted to be with someone who has felt that way about me I am at least flattered... and impressed with how exquisite of taste they have 

My hope is we let love flow thru us, because we are what we love and I know the world can use all the love and good energy we can emit.

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