Happy Body

When I was in my 20's and working for Sony I was up in Minnesota for an event I was hosting and was having an annoying morning. It was super early, it was raining, I had stopped to get bagels to bring to the staff and so I was tired, my feet were wet, my hands full and no one was answering the front door. I was crabby!

Just as I'm about to get mad, I see someone coming to let me in. And as I look up at this early hour I can't quite compute what I'm seeing but it was a young guy with no hands opening the door. He had nothing from the elbows down and so he's bending down to open the lock and then stands back and greets me with a huge smile.

I was startled. And then confused. How had he just done that with no fingers and so fast? 

My feet dried, the bagels were enjoyed and then later in the morning this guy came over and started asking me questions about our new pro-sumer camera and I marveled at how charming and smart and totally unselfconscious he was. He knew his stuff, knew himself and was not letting his missings make his morning anything but sunny. Wet shoes and sore arms had almost ruined my morning, what a spoiled brat!

Ever since, whenever I've had a bad-body-day it never fails that I almost immediately see someone with a real challenge that snaps me back to the reality of how amazing my body is. 

Like I talked about a few post back: millions of people would gladly trade places with us. 

From an early age I'd always been one of the tallest kids in my grade and it made me feel like a giant. Luckily my parents were both tall and would talk about how great it was to be tall, so even though I had no sports desire/talent, I knew there were people out there that valued tallness. But even so, I wished I was shorter so I fit in more with my friends and had more options in boys who would ask me to dance.

Before I digress into the shortage of tall guys to date (pun intended 😜), the point is we always want what we think is "better". But we have simply been brainwashed into judging one kind of body as better than another and ours no matter how healthy and wonderful it is, is not as beautiful as it should be. Well, that's ridiculous! 

Trust me, I don't love the aging process and the middle-age spread and I myself am currently at the fluffiest I have ever been. But, fuck-it... we are alive! We lived through a pandemic- so yay us!! I joked to a friend of mine that as much as I hate it, this metabolism is what kept my people alive during the great-potato-famine so I should be grateful for these genes 🥔 🍀

Ok, but seriously... I often get asked about my confidence and here is the key: 

Focus on what is great about you!

If you do that you will have a much happier life. And here is what I mean: no one is perfect so focus your attentions on what you think is beautiful about you and others will begin to see, if nothing else, your glow of self love. For example, I have beautiful eyes. When I was a kid I wanted dark brown eyes like my Mom or light blue eyes like my Dad, so I was super bummed to have hazel eyes. That was until one day I got something stuck in my eye and while looking in a mirror I realized I had both brown and blue in my eyes. And also flecks of gold! 

I'm no supermodel but I have sparkly eyes and when someone looks at me that's one of the first things they compliment. So now you go...

What's something beautiful about you? 

If you don't see a dozen things, I suggest you ask a friend, or me, and I will list them for you. Because like everything in our lives if you look for what's not great you'll find it, but if you look for the JOY you'll find that. 

Another thing I wanted when I was younger was tan skin even though I am super pasty. Well now I know better, so I no longer bake in the sun covered in baby-oil, but instead hydrate, moisturize, get enough sleep and appreciate how soft and feminine my skin is. 

There is ALWAYS going to be prettier, fitter, smarter... pick a category ... people to compare ourselves with. So why do that? Instead, be grateful for whatever you have. If you want to change something, heck ya go for it! But love yourself while you're working on yourself too. And besides, we are all attracted to different forms of beauty. I happen to like bald men, some short guys love tall women... the cankles you hate are going to turn someone else on 😉

Picasso made his art stand out for just focusing in on what he thought was interesting in the essence of person. You got a crooked nose, rock it! Weird ears, I hear ya! Big booty, shake it! You are a masterpiece and so love your body and focus solely on how gorgeous you are and I promise you will be even that much more beautiful, Happy Happy and JOYful 😍

Happy Dating

I should start by stating upfront that I am not a great dater- no really! I'm only jumping into share this topic because we're in love month and I have learned a lot about what not to do when you're single. So take this all with a caution that I really have no idea what I'm talking about ⚠️

Ok, that said... let me share my 2022 dating philosophy: 

It's a numbers game, try on your non-types and make sure to have some fun!

I've spent a good deal of my adult life in longterm relationships so when I found myself single four years ago the first thing I did was heal myself from what was not a great end to a heartbreaking loveaffair. Therapy. Reading. Then when I was ready I got cajoled into online dating which I had always sworn was so not me. Well, especially now, if you want to date and expect to get your best options you need be open to sample what's available online. And since this was new territory I sought some expertise and started following some pros-- my favs are:

Matchmaker Maria (of the"12-date rule" fame)

The Love Drive (a man's perspective)

Bela Gandhi (the psychotic-optimist)  

I also pulled off the shelf my pal Amy's fantastic book: Meeting Your Half-Orange. This little nugget alone changed my dating mindset:

Basically, we need to think of dating as a Match Game- if you don't flip over your love-monkey 🐵💛 nothing's wrong... you're just not looking for an elephant. 

When I began to think of it that way I realized it's not a bad thing to meet and release those that are not a match, it's just one person closer to the one that will be. 

For years I had told my single friends that were dating that you need to meet at least 20 people before you'll find one you'll really like. Ha! Easy to advise, hard to do when it was my turn. It's exhausting to connect with lots of people that aren't your person. And in these pandemic-y politically charged times it's also a little scary as well. So here are my best tips thus far:

• Join Bumble to start. Lifetime membership is $230 and worth the cost because I've found it's the highest quality easiest to manage site. The filters alone are worth it.
• Crushes: Author Gretchen Rubin shared a friend's philosophy that it is always better to have more than one crush at a time so you're not needy and don't get overly-invested too soon. I think 3 crushes is ideal 😉
• Screeners: Trust me I hate that this is necessary but I do ask people three questions before I agree to date them: 
• Are you vax'd? 
• Did you vote for Trump?
• Do you believe in the literal word of the Bible?

Yes, I'm open to meeting people of differing opinions but I've found these are values-dealbreakers for me and I had to implement them after several run-ins with anti-vax-Trumpers who feel if only I believed in a talking snake we would be perfect together 😳Again, this is why paying extra for filtering is SO worth it!

• Pre-Meet: I am a big fan of a call or video chat before you agree to meet up for a face-to-face date. Saves you the time, energy and disappointment of an awkward encounter. I've found if they don't want to speak before you meet there is probably a good reason (if you know what I mean).
• 
  Good Karma: Dating's hard for everyone. So the least we owe each other is to be kind. For me when I know someone is not my match I try and send them off with some compliments and if possible the reason I am wishing them well and unmatching. 
• It doesn't always go this nicely but that's my goal. Had to move on from cute-Ken because though he wasn't anti-vax he hadn't gotten his by late summer and that was not going to work for me. Even though he had his solid rationale (and a minor in microbiology), I couldn't get over his reasoning so I sent him the kindest note I could explaining why. I think it's the least we can do for each other. 
• The other thing I've discovered is people pop back up on other sites or in real life (like at a friend's birthday party 😬) so don't ghost or be jerky unless they really deserve it. 
• Try Them On: My sister thinks I have a type- she's not wrong mind you- but I have gone off type before. Actually way way off type, but that didn't work out so great so I was back to looking for what I thought I wanted when I got a like from a guy who I had already passed on. But when he showed back up again I gave him a chance and sent him a rather playfully sarcastic note about how I didn't think we were a match but was I missing something?

He sent back a funny confident reply that had me amused and intrigued... and yada yada yada... a few days later gave me one of the best kisses I've ever had! So, though he didn't match my image of what I wanted he was definitely worth the try-on.

• Modify the List: My friend Diane tells of how she got serious about what she was looking for and made a map of the qualities she wanted and then her Dave appeared. Which is a great story and start. But I've learned now that I'm older different things are more important than even a few years ago: kindness, calm, self-awareness. I'd rather have a person who loves what he does then shows off what he has; cares about listening to me and creating together how we want things to go; that gets why his previous relationship wasn't his last and can own his part in it. That's sexy as hell to me now!! 

Today I care less about his looks and more about how it feels when our legs touch while deep in conversation; he can be shorter if he's got a huge heart; and if he's working out some large challenges but has great communication skills, watch out I'm a goner 😍

Ok, so a few other small random tidbits:

• Guys say they like humor and are "fluent in sarcasm" but don't test this notion until you meet them and make sure they're at least as funny as you are. Learned this the hard way (sorry, CL 😕).
• Text only in the first 48hours then meet or at least talk before more texting. It's really easy to be misinterepted and have things go off the rails or acquire a texting-buddy which is not good for moving things along.
• Dating is suppose to be fun... so get a few cute outfits, have some light stories you can share if you get nervous, and remember if it doesn't feel fun you never have to see them again... and if does, YAY you might get to see them again!
• We never know what someone is looking for so just be you and if you're not their person that's great you now have another card turned over and one less non-monkey to worry about.
• If you're joining an online site make sure you have a friend take some new flattering pics of you. Don't cut your ex out of old pics or use ones that don't look recent. If we're friends, I'll even do them for you. You deserve to go in with the best snapshot of what you have to offer -- of course, no false-advertising but certainly don't sell yourself short either!

When I mapped out 2022 and got to the [Love] category I created that I would connect with 50 possibilities this year. Match and release, meet and make out, or maybe fall madly in love? 

Who knows... but I wanted to up my game and take more chances and lean into a Happy Happy lovelife. 

I am better this year at dating than I've ever been. I'm finally having a good time with it. And I don't know how things will be by yearend but I know happiness and Joy can be fun with a sprinkle of lust and love mixed in. So I hope you have love in your life in all forms... and if you're single come try out some Happy Dating with me-- why not? 

Love is a lovely way to Happy 😊

THEME 2022

2021 was like learning to drive a stick-shift car: sputters and starts, lurch forward and stops, grinding gears, dies in the middle of road... then some smooth parts, even a nice ride once you get going. But hey watch out because if you weren't paying attention it could get you killed or at least stranded somewhere you didn't want to be   🚧    🚗 💨

Let's face it as bad as 2020 was, 2021 was actually even more of a cluster! 

When I was doing my year end summary and Creating 2022, all I could think about is how weird the last two years have been. I mean as you'll recall I had high hopes for the new decade and thought 2020 was going to be amazing. It was alright, in that I was amazed at how crazy things got in our world. 

Then 2021 comes and I'm sure it'll be so much better, how can it not?!

Well let's see, an insurrection, an impeachment, our top olympic athlete has the spins, abortion is once again (read: still) dividing the nation, tornadoes, fires, vaccine deniers, anti-maskers... and did I mention while the world was spinning I was in search of a new home, job and love?

I was originally going to use the rollercoaster metaphor but I hate every single moment of ever being on one so it does not apply. Because thank goodness 2021 wasn't all bad. The inauguration was uplifting (how awesome was Amanda Gorman?), we're back in the Paris Agreement, vaccines are here, Simone Biles left us even more inspired and we can at least have a semi-nornal life again. Sure some of it was super surreal, like how I found myself cheering on Liz Cheney who of all people is fighting to save democracy. 

But I digress...

Point being this decade has not begun like I was hoping, so what's an optimist to do? 

Get happy!

2022 is going to be the year of Happy Happy! 

For no other reason than that is why we are here- to find joy in our lives. Even when things were horrible (and they were) there was happy sprinkled in-between: I became a great-aunt when a fav nephew had his daughter this summer; I moved into a beautiful home with lovely neighbors; I landed a job that's a fit; and while I did enjoy some of the research 😉 alas I haven't found my person yet-- but my dear friend Katie got engaged to hers. 

💍 Katie and Matt  

Happy is possible even in chaos, it just takes us making the decision to find it. Yes eyes open and feet in reality but come on there is beauty and humor and love and happiness everywhere! I hope you join me in looking for the happy and being happy along the journey to find yours. Because geez we lived through a fucking pandemic and even if there are bad times ahead (and of course there will be some) if we waste the happy happy of it all we miss Finding JOY!

(Past Themes)

Creating YOUR Year ... 🎊 🖌️

Me Mapping Creating Your Year 2022 from Joy Meredith

2021 😳 ... amiright?!!

I have much much higher hopes for 2022, but as always I need to map it out to really see and live into it. So join me 😊

Happy Mapping and Cheers to a Happy Happy 22!