I have been deep in love with three men in my life, adore my Father, am close to my Uncle and since childhood have always had at least one or two best guy pals.
I ❤️ MEN!
And, last week I had a reminder of why they're also hard to navigate and maddening to sometimes communicate with. Let me try and dive in...
A friend was explaining the concept to her husband and she said it's roughly equivalent to about how often women think about their personal safety. He didn't totally get what she meant, so she went on to explain the average woman thinks about if she's safe all the time. At night, in a dark parking lot, when approached by a random man, when a repair person comes into her home- and then he got it.
Most men rarely have to think about their safety and if they do it's usually in a situation where maybe even a cop or buff bodybuilder would too. Sketchy neighborhood, angry yahoos with guns, bar fights when they're not as young as the use to be- but not daily or even weekly.
Then a take-off meme appeared a few weeks ago where women were asking their guys about which would they choose to leave their daughter with alone in a forrest: a bear or a man? Then asked: bear or woman? Most men had to pause on man/bear but not on woman/bear. And then it turned to people asking the women directly. Lots of reasons but this sums it up pretty well:
In bears' defense: there are only 40 people killed by bears each year in the US according to the National Parks Service. More are killed by bee stings.
Ok, now back to me and the reason for this post...
I was chatting with a guy I matched with on Hinge and he was cute but the reason I liked him was because he had two dad jokes on his profile that were pretty funny. Sweet and playful I thought and we got right to flirting. And there was a few days of fun banter but then it went off the rails when he suggested if we were going to meet up he'd like a blowjob. I thought we were still joking and then he got mad and claimed I was a tease.
Now there are plenty of sites to go on if you are looking for easy sex connections but going on a dating site implies (at least to me) you are there to at a minimum casually date.
I thought maybe I had made him defensive because we had indeed gotten pretty flirty but I write this to share that even if you're a good guy just looking for some fun sex- it's scary out there for women:
- 1 in 3 women have been experienced some form of abuse from an intimate partner.
- Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women – more than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined.
- Globally as many as 38% of all murders of women are committed by intimate partners.
- Many of us grew up when the #1 sitcom dad in America later turned out to be a serial rapist.
But I get it if you're not a violent person why would you think of safety as women's top concern? I can see how that would make a non-violent guy defensive like I would be offended if someone assumed something about me and saw my playful banter then assertion of boundaries as a red flag to them.
Listen my brother-in-law is one of the most decent guys I know- in the family we tease him about being the favorite and inline for sainthood. I mean he literally volunteers at a foodbank to feed the hungry. So I know there are amazing, kind, considerate men everywhere I look!
The problem for women is it's not always clear which is which 🤔
Even the ones we think are good guys, sometimes aren't the people you're safe in a room with. And I'll just leave this here because he's a dad of two daughters, one of the most beloved comedians, and he is (ironically 🙄 ) brilliant enough to sum it all up together...
