Who Are Your Flowers? Who Are Your Weeds?

In life, as in gardening, we need to tend to the things we want to grow and weed out what is growing where it doesn't belong. Dandelions: weed or flower? For now, let's call them a symbol of the choices we make in life and who we surround ourselves with. We choose the weeds from the flowers of friendship. Ask yourself: who are your flowers... who are your weeds?

When people are ready to work on their lives one of the most powerful places to start is to weed out the toxic and negative people. It's not always fun, but boy is it freeing!

In last month's workshop someone asked what to do with people we can't weed out of our lives? First, one of the things we need to own as adults is most people in our lives are there because we invite them in. Bosses, family, friends are in our lives because we haven't: quit, walked away from, or unfriended. This is actually great news, it means we have the power to be more discerning in our choices of the relationships we cultivate.

When people are confronted with the idea they can rid themselves of the majority of their toxic influences at will they get defensive. They strain coming to grips with thought that they could have dissociated with these folks a long time ago and they've wasted so much time and energy.

Granted sometimes there are toxic people we can't or choose not to get rid of-- so what to do with them? If they're not a weed you can pluck, or a bud you want to tend to... then consider them a rock to mow around. We don't water rocks or worry about how they are being fertilized or cared for we let them just be.

In the lawn of life, rocks are just there. If someone is a boulder we can't extricate from our life then let's just let it be. Walk around it, pay no attention. Don't let it rock our world that it's there-- we have more important things to attend to.

There is no better time then today to weed out what we can, let boulders be, and cherish what's in bloom and beautiful in our life.

Get Off The Road To Abilene!

Road to Abilene; photo by Matthew High

The Road to Abilene is a business parable addressing the dangers of groupthink. It goes something like this:

There is a group of folks sitting around a porch on a very hot summer's day and one fella says to the group: hey, we could always take a ride to Abilene and grab dinner. The woman to his left says: yes, that's a fine idea. And they all decide to get in the car and drive to Abilene. It's a miserable trip. No airconditioning, the food was bad, they're all crabby. On the way home someone finally acknowledges what a lousy trip it was: why did we even go when we could have just enjoyed a day sitting around sipping iced-tea and playing dominoes? After a round-robin of blame-placing they come to the original guy who suggested it and decide to blame him. Embarrassed he says: I thought you were all bored so I just threw the idea out there... you were the ones who decided to come along for the ride. 

When a friend recently shared this story it occurred to me this is more then just a business analogy, it's the way many of us live our lives. How many times have we ended up at a job, romantically involved, or in some way living out a situation we not only didn't want but can't exactly remember how we got there?

It's sad but true that I have more than a handful of acquaintances who've told me they knew the day of their wedding they didn't really want to get married but did it anyway. Why? Because they had already started down that path. Many have ended up with a house, at a job, in a town, with more kids then they wanted just because it was the next thing to do.

When was the last time we asked ourselves if we are on the road we want to be on? In the company of the people we really want to be traveling our lives with? 

Now is the time to stop and get our bearings back and make sure even if we're merely inching along that we are at least on the path we truly want to venture down. If not, let's turn it around, take a different road, switch vehicles or passengers, or something. We are the drivers of our lives... for gosh sakes let's get the hell off the road to Abilene!

Putting Problems In Perspective

To see or not to see...

Recently a friend who had attended CREATING 2013 called with a huge breakthrough she had while sketching out the ME Map of her life. She realized that once she saw the big picture of her life only a few family members (less then 10 people total) were creating 75% of the negativity in her life. She described it as about a quarter's worth of ink compared to the full page that made up her map. That small quantity of folks brought a big deal of frustration that distracted her from the vast amounts of quality things in her life. She could not believe that after years of working on herself and analyzing what could make her happier that it only took a simple visual to see a new perspective on her life. Why was she wasting that much energy on those people when she could be lavishing it on the ones who truly loved and appreciated her?!

The irony is she is a very insightful person and if she had been listening to a friend talk about the same issues she would have most likely been able to spot her friend had things way out of proportion. Unfortunately we often can't see it for ourselves. And that's why mapping out our lives can be so powerful. We get the big picture of the good, the bad, and the ugly and get some perspective on what we are spending our time, money, and energy on. When we give something or someone a disproportionate amount of our attention we can often forget how fulfilling and awesome the rest of our lives are.

What in your life do you have out of proportion and need a new perspective on?

Word On The Workshop

Full Disclosure: These are unsolicited thoughts from friends that took workshop,
I simply asked if I could quote them after they said such nice things. 

The January 12th CREATING 2013 Workshop went fantastic, as you can sense from above. Would love to see you at next one on February 9th! Register HERE.

JOY FULLY HAPPY!

2013 Theme

2013 Theme: JOY FULLY HAPPY!

To me it means to: be myself, live fully (and more daringly), and to focus on what's going to make me happy in all aspects of life. Cheers to 2013 and whatever You're creating for yourself!

CREATING Workshop

CREATING 2014 Workshop from Joy Meredith

UPDATED: 
(CLICK HERE)

 CREATING 2013 

NEXT DATE:   November 23, 2013 
                            (*see special event details)

Time:                  10am - 12:30pm 
                            (*special time 11-12:30)

Where:                Illinois Institute of Technology
                              (Rice Campus)
                              201 East Loop Road, Wheaton IL  

Investment:     $100 now $120.13 at the door if available

Take Aways:    You’ll leave with a hard-cover professional artist sketchpad, an easy-to-follow guide to the technique, and a tangible blueprint of what you’ll be working on to create the life you want.

SPECIAL EVENT: For this month in celebration of my favorite holiday ThanksGiving I'm hosting this event for FREE. It starts at 11 and goes until 12:30.  Please invite friends and come celebrate a wonderful 2013 and begin to create a fantastic 2014!
Email me to let me know you can make it :)

UPCOMING WORKSHOPS:
(same location and details as above)

January 11, 2014

* feel free to come solo, you'll meet some lovely folks... but it's always great if you can do something this fun and important with someone you care about so invite away :)

It's Time To Be Selfish & Get Happy!

Today could be the day... or tomorrow... or July 22, 2022. Who knows? What I do know is that time moves fast and forward and is finite. So how shall we spend it? I say: HAPPY!

The Dalai Lama was once asked what the purpose of life is, his answer: to be happy. Everyone will find happiness in different forms but you only need look around to see, hear, and feel for yourself that we are surrounded by many, many folks who aren't living a happy day.

A few weeks back I was lunching with a close friend who from external observations looks to have it all: nice family, comfortable lifestyle, healthy, charitable, etc. And yet when we began talking about her plans for the new year she tossed around that she really needs to be doing more. Should she get a part-time job, do more volunteer work, what? I took a deep breath and mustered my compassion and offered up my boldly blunt take- stop with the doing, work on the being!

I have noticed that almost all my friends are living exhausted lives. Whether they're parents working inside or outside the home, or single and trying to date while moving up the success ladder- it's all this doing, doing, doing. And yet, all the things and people and activities seem to do is drain them; and while maybe not unhappy, they're not joyfully happy either.

As the unconventional friend who decided not to marry or have kids, and is wandering a different path it's so clear from my outsider's little perch our society is overwhelming our minds, our bodies, our kids. People are so worried about preservatives, guns, stranger-danger, and breast cancer when the top reason (75%+) people see a doctor is stress related. And it affects everything: OSHA reports workplace stress is a $300 billion drain on American industry. Even as someone who manages my stress rather well, that is not enough. Even Joy needs more joy in her life!

There is no one-size-fits-all solution to what will cure this malaise. But whatever it is, it starts with working on our happiness. My advice to my friend was more baths, naps, massages, fun reading, and time just drinking and hanging out with friends. Then coming from a rested, rejuvenated place she can create what would truly light her up.

Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.                                  ~Howard Thurman     

She paused, seemed taken aback, and then got choked up. She said it sounded so selfish to spend all that time and energy on herself. Really? Listen, there are things that need to be done to keep our lives moving forward but we do no one, NO ONE any good walking around exhausted, depleted and less then our fabulous selves. When I hear someone complain they have no time for fun or time for themselves because they have to run their kid here or there, or they have this obligation or that... I think to myself (and occasionally say outloud)- uhm, no you don't. Or at least you don't need to do it in a way that it completely leaves no time for you to work on yourself and your happiness.

In the last few years I have seen several friends go through painful divorces, and you know what even when it wasn't their fault, so to speak, it was... at least in some part. If you pour all your energy into your kids, house, pets, job, volunteer work and don't have time for yourself-- how happy do you think you are to be around? How happy is your couplehood? How happy is your home? How happy can your kids possibly be with exhausted, un-loved-up parents (wink, wink... you know what I mean)? 

You could wait until you have every-other weekend free to work on making yourself happy, or until you're sitting in a hospital bed waiting on your next treatment, or when someone you loves passes to get the hint or you could make 2013 your year of happiness. I guarantee you, there is no effort, dollar amount, time sacrifice that is too much to pay for your happiness. Everyone, EVERYONE, benefits from your happiness: spouse, kids, in-laws, co-workers, neighbors, lady in line behind you in the grocery store who catches a glimpse of your smile.

So my wish for you this New Year ahead is that you get selfish and get as HAPPY as you can be!

Thankful For It ALL!

November 19th: World Toilet Day

Every year I spend the days before Thanksgiving making my ThanksGiving List, where I note some specifics of what I want to thank my friends for during my traditional Thanksgiving Calls to them on Thursday morning. It takes some pre-thought to decide exactly what I want to say but it's easy and such a pleasure to spend the time thinking about all that I am thankful for in those I love. 

Gratitude for all the good and love in our life is easy; not everyone takes the time but if put on the spot each of us can without much effort think of at least a few things to be thankful for in our lives. The harder, more deeper, and dare I say more joyful exercise is to practice being thankful for it all. Everything in our lives! 

When I read about World Toilet Day it had a profound impact on me and upped my gratitude exponentially. Did you know that 2.5 BILLION people live without a toilet and proper sanitation?! World Toilet Day along with Charity: Water and Water.Org do great jobs drawing attention to the fact that there are BILLIONS of people living without the most basic of basics. 

When I have a bad day, feel something's lacking, or am just not fully present to the joys of my day, I stop myself and for one brief moment give thanks if I have nothing else in life... I have water and a toilet. To think there are so many that don't humbles me and makes anything I have to complain about seem small and trivial. So this Thanksgiving I'm not just thankful for the big things, I'm thankful for the smallest, simplist things too.

To be thankful for it all we need to evaluate any upset in our lives in reverse. I was annoyed earlier in the month about how friends were fighting about the election then I thought how awesome it is to live in a country we get to debate these kind of topics out loud, how great it is folks care enough to fight about what's important to them, and lucky I am to have passionate people in my life. Irritated I am getting a cold this week, I was reminded how lucky I am to be healthy most of time and how fortunate I was to be able to be there for people I loved when they were ill.

Only when we can be grateful for all life has in store for us are we really living in gratitude. Sure it takes some effort to find gratitude in the annoyances, disappointments, and suffering in life but like a friend who had gone almost two weeks without power said after the storm- at least we were safe and we were together. 

There are some shitty things that happen in life- things that can almost destroy us... but if we're here after we get knocked down we have, if nothing else, another day, hour, minute to be thankful for. 

I'm hoping you have the Happiest Thanksgiving ever and am wishing you gratitude for wherever you are, whatever you have, the strength to handle whatever you're dealing with and the joy to appreciate all that life brings next :)