The Joy of LOVE

There are a few choices to pick from when you're single on Valentine's Day:

• Bitter Cynic: sometimes momentarily satisfying but not at all very attractive.
• Valentines Denier: ignoring it which is hard to do when it's V-Day for a whole weekend.
• Love Optimist: remember the V-Days you were in love hopeful that you will find love again soon.
• Lover of Love: powerful creative and embracer of love in all forms who makes love happen.

I choose the latter. Even though it is rather sickening to be bombarded with all the gushing and goo of those excited because they are in love (especially true of the newly in-love), there is power in working your love muscle (not that one, focus people). 

I believe in the energy flow of our thoughts and mental engagement. If we turn our hearts and minds away from love and the celebration of it, we are blocking good energy that might be on its way to us. Afterall, the more loving and powerful you are the more attractive you appear to others. Who wants to date a cynic (ok, other cynics, but that is not who we want to end up with)?!

My strategy for counteracting love resistance is to embrace and be grateful for the love already in my life. Self love, family love, friend love, and for goodness sake the love of HUMANITY!

I went out last night with a single friend who is dealing with a sick mother and we went and saw the chick flick Valentine's Day (which was better than I thought it would be). In the past I have babysat for my BFF so she and her husband could go on a date (the first time out of house without formal plans in a year). We all have love to give and if we focus on where it can benefit others we don't actually give it away, we multiply it. 

So, I say don't be cynical (your turn will come); don't be in denial (it keeps you from gifting others you love)... instead be an optimist, be a giver, be lovely by multiplying the love you have.

Wishing everyone lots of LOVE♥


And just in time, if you are looking for love, my pal Amy Spencer's new book Meeting Your Half-Orange is out this week.

Greatness or Fear... Choose!

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"Every day I meet people who have so much to give but have been bullied enough or frightened enough to hold it back. It's time to stop complying with the system and draw your own map. You have brilliance in you, your contribution is essential, and the art you create is precious. Only you can do it, and you must."

    ~ Seth Godin; Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?

Seth Godin released his latest book yesterday and although I will go out and get it soon, I had to write about the above quote from the book now. It strikes me as summing up exactly what is draining people of their greatness: fear. The last two weeks I have been commuting downtown for a gig and what strikes me as I ride the train is how beaten down people look. I live in a nice suburb, so it is not like these folks are probably not off to good jobs and that they don't have lovely homes, etc. It's just that they look lifeless and exhausted (even on the way home).

It's sad when people give up on finding their greatness and living their lives as works of art, so they just settle on muddling through. Don't get me wrong in every life there are times when we all need to just coast, but that people stop looking or give up the hunt is a tragedy.

Brings me back to two of my biggest life lessons:

1) Life is short... love well!  Learned this from losing ones I loved and wondering--what am I waiting for? We only have so much time and we never know how long that will be so... giddy up! This is in regards to all aspects of life but especially when it comes to love. Romantic love, love of ourselves, love for our life's work, EVERYTHING!

2) Map It Out! When I was in a discombobulated time in my life I created Me Mapping to map out my life and actually see what I was spending my energy, time, money, attention, etc. on. Looking at my life on paper made some things very clear. It is not like then everything magically fell into place but now I am closer to decluttering what is not working, engaging with the important things in my life, and finding myself more grateful for what is already working.

I couldn't agree with Seth more. It's time we all draw our own map, sidestep the fear, claim our brilliance, create our art, and truly get our GREATNESS. Quotes like this one is why I am in his Tribe.

*this is inside cover of Seth's last book Tribes and you can't tell but in the top left corner is a photo of me :)

Decluttering & Abundance

As big a fan as I am of decluttering, I am also neglectful of keeping up with it. Case in point: I was cleaning out my closet yesterday and decided instead of just straightening it I would remove all my shoe boxes and donate or throw out anything I don't wear anymore. Well, two lessons popped up:

1) I apparently thought I needed to keep every shoebox from every purchase I have ever made. Even though I have a very organized back of the closet shoe rack I must have thought I would need the original boxes someday. Um...why? As great of dust collectors as they are, they served no current purpose so out they went. (I still keep my fancy shoes in boxes but they are now neatly stacked and organized by color). Lesson: what are we holding onto that serves no purpose in our lives- fewer useless boxes open up tons of space in my closet (for more shoes- kidding☺).

2) On my shelves with the shoeboxes was a box filled with pantyhose that I totally forgot I had. Having left corporate America a few years back I had stored my surplus hose in this box and only kept a few pairs in my drawers for when needed. The irony is that I am going to be back in suits soon and so this stash appeared at the perfect time- saving me lots of money too. Lesson: what useful things are we not able to access because we forget we even have them? I had an abundance of hose that I found once I decluttered the useless shoeboxes.

Bottom line... getting rid of the things I don't need not only allows me to appreciate my space more fully, it also reminds me of the abundance of useful things I already own. On to my office tomorrow- can't wait to see what treasures I tucked away there.

Virtual Surprise Party

                                                            Amy's B-Day wish to our agent & friend Laurie!

I am a creative soul, but I think even I have outdone myself with this one. It all started when my agent and friend Laurie was approaching her 40th birthday and a few of us who adore her wanted to do something special. Problem was that we are all scattered throughout the country, it was the holiday season, for many of us money is tight... so how could we make her day special and overcome these obstacles?

And then it hit me... what do people really want for their birthdays (this actually applies for any occasion)? They want heart felt acknowledgment and warm fuzzies from those they love. So I came up with the idea of throwing her a Virtual Surprise Party. The idea is guests upload a video message (a gift if you will) to the birthday girl and on her special day she finds her party and it is all a delightful SURPRISE.
Here's how to throw one:

• Open a YouTube account for the occasion. Signing up for an account is free and takes a mere minute. You can personalize the page if you'd like or customize it in any way that strikes you.
• Guest list: come up with list of people you want to invite to the party. 
• Invite: send a note to guests with the idea spelled out and the user name and password they'll need to sign into the YouTube account you created. (fyi: watch out for case sensitivity with sign on.)
• Birthday Wishes: guests upload their videos on their own but make sure you or someone with experience can walk them through any issues. 
• Timeframe: make sure to set a deadline for uploading at least a day before you want to launch the surprise. 

The Surprise: once the videos are uploaded its time for the exciting unveil. For our group we all started sending Laurie tweets (on Twitter) with a link to the site at a designated time on her birthday. She followed one of the links that took her to her YouTube channel and ... SURPRISE!

Talk about being surprised- she was. And the beauty of this event is that it was personal, fun, free, and something she can watch, share, and talk about for days (even months) to come.

I only wish I had come up with this idea before two ill friends passed away last year- it would have been nice to have a lovefest party for people that are too sick to have visitors.

The Virtual Surprise Party- you should throw one yourself. It was at least as much fun to have one as to recieve it. Let me know if you host one yourself, and if you'd like to check out Laurie's CLICK HERE
CHEERS :)

Me Mapping into 2010

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I have spent the last several years doing the same thing on New Year's Day: completing the prior year and creating what I would like to bring into the next. I created a tool in 2002 I call Me Mapping that allows me to map out my life and serves as a visual inventory of where I am. My theory is that we never really know what our lives are about until we take a good look at them (preferably on paper).
     It was Socrates that said:

The unexamined life is not worth living.

A little dramatic I'll grant you, but taking a look at our lives up-close and on paper really brings new insight into how we are spending our time, what is important (and what's not), and how much we have to be grateful for.
     The neat thing about having made this a yearly ritual is when I bring out last years map and see where I have come- noting the progress and the achievements I've made in the past year. I write and draw all over the map so I can see what I have actual worked on and by the time I'm finished it's my own little piece of Joy Art.
     After I have documented everything of interest in the previous year, I declare that year "complete" and move on to sketching out what I would like to bring into the new year. I get giddy letting my mind wonder and dream of the people, places, opportunities, and adventures I want to attract in the year ahead. Do I always achieve all that I put on the paper, no... but I achieve more than I ever thought I could. And as fast as the years go by, it's meaningful that I now have a collection of maps showing what I have accomplished.
     I like my method but anything that gets you to examine your life is a 10 in my book. Here's wishing you an amazing year to come!

It's Complicated when your life is Up In The Air

Spent the last few days enjoying the post holiday calm by seeing friends and some great movies. Two in particular I loved: It's Complicated (Streep / Baldwin) and Up In The Air (Clooney). And they were both entertaining and thought provoking. Good questions to ponder at the end of one year and the beginning of a new one:

It's Complicated: Relationships linger in our lives for many reasons. Don't we need to figure them out before we can commit to healthy new ones? I believe there is an energy block when we don't complete a love relationship that distracts us from attracting a new love. I've struggled with this one myself, having spent years pining over someone who would not have made me happy in the long run. What makes things complicated is that there are also times when an old love is exactly what we need both temporarily or possibly permanently only in a different phase of our lives. Either way, if we don't look at reevaluating our relationships, we're wasting valuable energy. Reunite or release? Festering is not good for the soul.

Up In The Air: Are we living a valuable life filled with love or are we just passing GO and collecting frequent flyer miles? What is our destination in life? What game are we playing? Worthwhile to figure out before we spend our days away.

Both movies are reminders that we need to take time to look at our lives while were living them. And ask ourselves: Is this the life I want for myself?

I will be pondering both questions in-depth in the next few days and then using Me Mapping to take a look into what needs to be closed in 2009 and what I want to engage with in 2010.

How's your life... complicated? up in the air? Maybe 2010 is a good time to land, simplify, and figure You out.

Fresh New Decade

2010

I love a clean sheet of paper, a blank slate, new paint... anything that is crisp and neat and symbolic of a new beginning. That is why I love New Years... ah, fresh start! This year is the start of a new decade and there is just something about 2010 that seems numerically interesting and lucky. Do you feel it?
     The last decade was rough. You know, you were there. But I feel like 2010 is a good time to start anew. In addition to finishing up my book Finding Joy, I will also be beginning a new work adventure (more to follow) so I'm feeling very full of possibilities. As is my tradition on New Years Day, Friday I will be Me Mapping all day and closing out 2009 and creating 2010. I usually like to come up with a few themes for the year to inspire me and keep things in perspective. I think this year instead of multiple themes I will narrow it down to one maybe two. Top contender: I'm In It To Win It!
      I am also a big fan of rhyming so also looking at: If Not In 2010, When? Both kinda connected.
     Years tend to run together, so if I feel like they have a theme or slogan I'm more likely to feel compelled by a narrative of what I want bring into my life vs just existing day-to-day.
     I will share more about Me Mapping into the New Year, but until then try on some themes for 2010 with me and see if anything strikes you.

MEN And Their Daddy-Issues

Many people think that success in life is measured by the business you build, the money you bank, the family you create... I think it is the peace and joy you feel inside when all of that is stripped away and you are alone with yourself. Not that those other aspects aren't wonderful to include in a full life, but I know people (and so do you) who seem to have everything and yet are miserable.

Life use to be about survival: don't get eaten by a lion, and find something to eat and woohoo you are the man! But as we evolved, we wanted to be happy and fulfilled too. When I watch Mad Men I always end the experience asking myself: why do I continue to watch this show when it is so depressing. Not one character seems to enjoy anything in their lives but cocktail hour-- which even though I am all for, does not make a complete life.

We laugh thinking how far we have come from those sexist, racist, homophobic days; and how ridiculous the following hippy, free-love, druggie era was too. We are so enlightened, we think to ourselves. And yet, our last president took us into a trillion dollar war because he had to finish the business his daddy didn't and revenge:

After-all, this the guy that tried to kill my dad at one time.

                                                    ~ President G.W. Bush

Tiger is another example of how someone who seemed to have everything, willingly participated in behavior that lead to his life imploding. The cheating is only the most sensationalist aspect of this sordid affair, what I find more interesting is how it might all lead back to his unresolved daddy-isses (rumor has it that Earl also had affairs and Tiger was devastated by his father's philandering). 

I am no therapist, nor do I have the training to diagnose what is the root of Tiger's distructive behavior, but I do think it points out that we need to invest as much time, money, and energy figuring ourselves out as we do on education, business consultants, and trainers. Or in the case of Michael Jackson, who spent a fortune to avoid looking like his father and recreating his childhood, therapy instead of plastic surgery and Neverland.

If daddy-issues can start a trillion dollar war, take down a billion dollar sport star, and a legendary entertainer- this is not just a warm-fuzzy topic. What people ignore in their personal lives ends up in all other aspects of their lives... eventually. Women have Oprah, girlfriends, an entire self-help industry catering to them, not to mention less stigma going into therapy when they are ready to heal their own issues. Men really need to find something that works for them or at least start stealing some of ours.

Finding joy in life is about knowing ourselves and when we don't invest in the time, a good therapist, books, seminars, studies, etc. to figure ourselves out... life is a little rough.