|Not the lean, but you get the idea.|
Saturday, November 12, 2022
Tuesday, September 27, 2022
the key to happiness is to notice the little moments of our lifeI remember thinking she was lovely and all but that was way too hippy-dippy for me so I moved on.
Well now that I'm older I totally see what she means. We don't remember the hours in our days, we remember the brief moments that made us feel alive and stick with us. One of my first real stick-with-me-moments was the day I was graduating from high school and not for the reasons you might think. It was because I noticed how my forest green gown perfectly matched the venue we graduated at: Ravinia. It felt like we were all one, in this big group of people (friends, family, teachers) I cared about, in this beautiful place 🌲🌳🌲🌳... and that felt emotional and magical.
I have attended many concerts there since and I always make a point of pausing for a moment to feel the audience sing in unison. Yes, I like the performer/s on stage, but it's the unison that gives me chills. People harmonizing together in joy is one of the best things to ever be in the middle of.
Seeing my book on the shelf after a year and half of work to write it- a moment!
When I feel sad or stressed I try and look for little moments of joy and it changes my mood immediately. And it doesn't have to be anything big. The other day I enjoyed a perfectly ripe mango and the moment was wonderful - the color, the smell and the taste- JOY!
Last week my family and some dear friends got together at a lovely winery to surprise my step-mom Bobbie for her 80th. The wine, food and chocolates were fantastic but the moment for me was when I read a poem I had written and I looked up and and she was teary (which is very rare for her). She said as a step-parent you don't always know if you've made a difference in your kids' lives and it meant a lot to hear she had 😊
Music, plants, food, wine, loved ones, a movie, a song lyric, a sunset, a kiss ... there are many things that make me stop in awe of how beautiful life is. So yes, that therapist was right all those years ago-- moments are what make our lives happy. Therefore if we want more happy, we need to stop and breathe in a few more as we live ours.
And if this reminds you of anyone who's helped make a happy moment for you, please share that with them, it'll probably create another one just enjoying the memory of it together.
Cheers to Bobbie 🎂 and all the bonus parents that enrich our world, to the therapists that leave us with nuggets, and to the Happy Moments of our lives 🍷
Sunday, August 28, 2022
For those that don't know I at one time had a little thing for Louis CK. I know, I know but gather yourself and let's move on to the insight this brings me to...
We had been chatting about a Happy Mind and one of the keys to that is a clear conscience free of shame, guilt, regret and bad vibes. If we are haunted by things we've done, even if we have lots of happy in our life, this shadow of darkness will follow us.
There is a reason that 12-step programs include steps of inventorying and making amends to people that we've wronged and most religions have some form of atonement for bad acts we've committed.
Recently an ex texted to say they were sorry about how things didn't work out with us and they hope I will forgive them someday. And it reminded me of Louis CK's big SORRY sign 😏
Sure it's nice to hear someone is sorry but it only counts in my book if they clean up the mess they made along with the words they speak (or in LCK's case, stand in front of). The onus is not on the person that's been wronged to forgive someone if it's just blah, blah, blah to make them feel less guilty. True forgiveness is earned by correcting the behavior, owning what they did, and restitution to make things at a minimum as repaired as possible.
Where did you own what you did?
What have you done to clean up your mess?
And where is the restitution to make up for the damage you wrought?
We all mess up. We all cause pain even when we're not trying to hurt someone; but when we know we did something truly bad we can't just text/statement it away.
LCK used humor and the fact that some fans didn't care what he did to salve/ignore his guilt. Not good enough. He owes the women he harassed compensation for what he did to them. There were women who suffered career and other real damage from his actions. The 10ft tall sign was bright and flashy alright and I did actually watch his special to see what he had to say- but there was no sorry in his act or actions.
Again, the human condition is we all have a level of meanness in us, none of us is so saintly that we don't ever do anything wrong. It's hard, painful and sometimes costly to clean up our messes so we mostly don't go there. What a waste because if we cleared our conscience and did the hard part we would have a happy healthy mind, heart and future.my book, only the one about love comes before it. Because a festering ick in our life just gets ickier!
Someone once described a clear conscience as being able to walk into any room with your head held high no matter who you might run into and I think that's a pretty good visual.
The irony is if we summon the strength to own our messes there is a pop of relief, peace and closure that is worth the effort and humility on the other side.
So if you're regretting something you've done or your conscience is not clear, don't let your pride, stubbornness or fear stop you from getting things handled. Map out what is there for you and don't get overwhelmed, but just do a little step at a time to clean up your karma.
Otherwise, you'll be the one sorry you didn't 😌
Tuesday, July 26, 2022
What have you learned about yourself this year?
and so I wanted to share what I told her....
What struck me is how we are back to almost normal again and I'm not sure that's entirely a good thing. Of course the return to living is truly wonderful but that we have seemingly forgot all that we went through (and lost) is a bit surreal to me.
Two years ago at this time I was celebrating my birthday on the phone/zoom with my friends and then alone with a cocktail on my deck having a drink to my health; my birthday wish was for the end of the isolation once the vaccine was approved.
As you can see by my cheeky post thanking my friends for their bday messages- what I was looking forward to most was hugging and being with people again 🤗 . And here we are two years later and I think we've forgotten and are taking for granted how great it is to be back out in the world. I know I have.
I actually was getting ready to push meeting Vickie until next weekend because I was feeling tired Sunday morning and then I remembered how two years ago I would have done anything to be able to be out to lunch with a friend.
Bad dates, family obligations, long check out lines-- pick a gripe we have now and boy would I have loved to have been doing any of them that summer.
Lucky me, I got to spend time with my sister at the art museum and strolling around Long Grove with Vickie last weekend and some more plans in the upcoming days... so my birthday this year has been fantastic!! But what has made it even happier is remembering how precious it was to have all that alone time so that I now treasure even more the time I get to be with those I love (or even like a lot 😉).
So Happy Happy Birthday to ME!! And here's hoping this reminder is a little gift to you that each year is to be celebrated and to be out in the world and healthy is the greatest of joys!
Cheers to You, Me and all there is yet to be 🍷🍸🍹
Wednesday, June 22, 2022
Suffering is when we try to stop our sadness from being fully felt.
I got this image of a box on a shelf and that we suffer when we try not to be sad about something ever again instead of putting it on a shelf and then taking it down and being sad whenever we needed to be sad. Suffering is resisting our sadness. Suffering is trying to numb our pain instead of feeling it.
It wasn't that I was never going to sad about something ever again, but that I didn't need to carry it with me. I could actually put it down and not drag it around like an anchor.
What a revelation and relief! Life has sadness and sometimes it feels good to be with it and get a good cry in and feel the loss. And then we can put it back where it belongs and not lead with it and not sprinkle it on our current happy life. I now don't avoid being sad, I feel what I'm feeling and sometimes I cry out, and even wallow in, how much I miss Chris and Ted or wish my Nonne was here to make tortellini with.
When I went back the next morning I was greeted with concern and kindness and then relief that I had figured out how to release my own suffering. I hope to save you the suffering you might be doing about your own suffering now that you see how happy we can be to be sad sometimes. Keep your sadness as long as it takes, and as close as you need to. But I offer up that it doesn't need you to keep it with you.
No one you love would want you to suffer in their absence (whether because of death or circumstance), it would not be their wish to be the source of your pain. You know they would want you to live a happy life in their honor not in your darkness. Not to mention, if your suffering isn't about love but about trauma that was done to you, be clear... nothing that was done to you is worth stealing your present and future joy. Feel your sadness, and then take a deep long breath, add a loud sigh if called for, and then release it until you're ready to be with it again. And if it is still deep inside and clinging to you, please get help to put it in its proper place and free yourself of that burden.
Time has healed most of my wounds but sometimes when I need a good cry I'm happy that I loved a few deeply enough to be worthy of my tears.
I hope you take the time to feel your sad tears as well and they bring you some relief. And when you're ready, that they dry and you can get back to a Happy Happy life.
Sunday, May 29, 2022
Oh, and did I mention I was still recovering from a breakup. Ya, it suuuucked!!!!
I was so so sad and had white-knuckled it through until that Fall when I hit a breaking point and needed to do something. So I attended a weekend workshop: Landmark Forum. And, hated it! Well I hated the first day, then got food poisoning the second day (from a local lunch spot, not their fault)... but then on the third day it all came together and I've never been the same since. There has been plenty written about Landmark so let me be clear, yes it is a little cult-y in that you get pretty high on the transformation you undergo and then they want you to tell everyone you know about it; but no, it's not a cult. I can't be sure if this is what they actually meant to teach us but this is what I got out of it...
The key to understanding life is that we suffer because we're meaning-making-machines that take our past experiences and interpret what's happening now through those old tainted lens. So when X happens we project our past onto the situation and tell ourselves a story (Y) about what's happening as a way to understand its meaning which we then believe is the whole and real truth when it's simply just our version of what we choose to believe.
Sunday, March 20, 2022
Focus on what is great about you!
What's something beautiful about you?
Friday, February 18, 2022
🚨Warning: Do not read this post if you don't want to know about my sexlife 😜
I'm great in bed!
I don't give out my number until after our first date for my own safety and privacy.