Going to Hell 🔥

I recently had a very heartbreaking conversation with one of my closest friends. It was the second time one of my besties had told me that I was going to Hell. Not in the angry way like... go to Hell. But in that because I don't believe in Jesus as my lord and savior I, and anyone else who doesn't accept this, was going to end up there. 

I do genuinely love them for their concern for my soul and honestly if you truly believe that and you're not trying to warn the people you love, I think that makes you a super sucky friend.

But, no matter how much I'd like to believe in an entity that is looking over and taking care of me and when I die I go to a magical place where I'm reunited with the ones I love, I just can't. And if you know how much I love Ted, you know I would do anything to have this be true. 

Actually what's more upsetting to me then going to Hell is worshipping a God that would create and send his people to be tortured for eternity- that guy sounds like a real meanie. He's so narcissistic and delicate that if you don't worship him and praise him he punishes you forever? He creates the game of life where to whom and the place you're born dictates access to him? 

Sick children. That's my proof there isn't a personal God. 

Believers say it's because our society has done something to warrant this or that God works in mysterious ways that are beyond our comprehension. To that I say, hmm... well if He makes it so hard to understand and comprehend him it's clearly his bad design and fuzzy communication that is the issue. 

I'm normally to each his own, but I must say I kinda take it personally that people I love would worship an entity that is going to be torturing me. Ok, I haven't been a saint so maybe me... but children? For eternity?! Maybe I'm just being too sensitive 🤔 but really????

I believe in kindness. I believe in doing the right thing because it's easier to live in one's own skin when we are nice for no other reason than it's a more pleasant way to be in the world.

What do you believe in... a God that could heal children and doesn't? A God that makes praise of him mandatory for salvation? For me, I have to believe if there was an Almighty Loving God then he would heal children and would never send them to Hell because of something that had nothing to do with them- for that would be sick and evil, amiright?!

So this holiday season, maybe instead of giving to your church or house of worship may I suggest you take this as a sign ✨ and join me in giving to St. Jude's instead. Yes, I know the irony 😉  but this is an organization trying to cure children's cancer (Danny Thomas loved St Jude, but it's not a Catholic hospital) and I think those doctors, nurses and scientists are the ones we should actually be giving praise to. 

Joy to You and all you love ❤

You Could Be My Silver Spring

Last night I went to see a Fleetwood Mac tribute band and even though not the real thing they were fantastic and when it got to this song I got the chills like I always do when hearing it. Even before I knew what the lyrics meant I loved it. But let's take a minute to explore the genius of them... 

Before Taylor Swift was even born Stevie Nicks was writing about her ex and bandmate Lindsey Buckingham. And as if it's not hard enough to witness a gifted songwriter put your relationship on paper and hear it on the radio... imagine having to then sing the words to her

You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you
Time cast a spell on you, but you won't forget me
I know I could've loved you, but you would not let me

I mean, brutal!

The term came from when she saw an exit sign while driving for Silver Springs Maryland. She liked the sound of it and thought: it sounded like a pretty fabulous place to me. And 'You could be my silver springs', that's just a whole symbolic thing of what you could have been to me.

That's what is so evocative about the song and the idea: what someone could have meant to us if they would have let us love them. 

One of the hardest and I think saddest parts of a life is not having things come together like we hope they could. Timing, communication, stubborn pride.. oh, what might have been casts a spell and haunts us. 

I hope we all find our Silver Spring and it's a fabulous place/time where we don't have to imagine but can live the love that is meant for us. And let this serve as a reminder that it's better to have fully tried and given into love. And if it's not meant to be then we had the strength to clean it up instead of never being able to get away from the wo/men who loved us.  

Rock on Stevie 🤘

[And before we feel too bad for Lindsey ... he returned the favor with Go Your Own Way. These two 🙄 ]

Slap, Slap... STOP!

 gettyimages.com Creator: Kevin Mazur | Credit: WireImage

Words are not violence. But boy, did Chris Rock use them to hurt last night!

Chris closed his Netflix special by finally addressing the Will Smith slap and as expected from a comic master he knew where to land a punch. It was brutal. He took on Will, Jada and ended with a swipe at Will's family situation- both his marriage and how he was raised by his parents. 

It was a masterful use of language and comedic timing but all I could think was that amount of anger is a sign that while his face may have healed his emotions are as raw and bruised as they were a year ago. 

Will was clearly wrong. Jada was not helpful. Chris not always an angel himself.

While fans of each are now taking sides I can't help thinking: make it STOP!!

These are good people who let things get out of hand. And yes, Will was definitely the asshole that night, but he has also apologized publicly as well. Not saying Chris should forgive someone who hit him- no one should have to forgive an abuser. But look at what these three humans use to bring out in each other: laughter and love.

It's just beyond sad that hurt lead to more hurt. 

It's Will's responsibility to make this right since it was his temper that lead to the violence. Saying you're sorry is not enough for causing physical harm to another person. He is worth an estimated $350M. Maybe a big chunk of that should be his penance. Offer Chris $25M and see if that takes away not just the sting but helps demonstrate that Will values him and knows what he did was real damage to not just his person but his wellbeing and pride. And maybe then Chris could use a big chunk of his big chunk to sponsor a Boys & Girls Club. 

Not to Oprah-fy everything, but this could have really been an opportunity to show how two men who have both had been bullied growing up can settle their differences and repair damage they received and then created in their lives. After all, Chris had done an amazing job talking about the harm he caused cheating on his wife. His Tamborine special was a brave and enlightened way to share what he learned about marriage. What could these three have created to make a difference in our messed up world?!

It wasn't done to me, but I am nonetheless sad that two of my favorite entertainers are putting more hate and slaps out for us to witness. Don't like it and would really really like it to stop  🥺    

Theme 2023

Being isolated on and off for the last couple years made people crave being close, yet we were all a little rusty with our social skills. So while it was great to be with people, I still found things to be kinda... surfacey.

This year I want to get DEEP with people and myself. And not like tell me about your childhood deep-- just not shallow, small talk, busy making. I was also reminded while visiting my family in Florida over the holidays that low-tide leaves things mucky and to get to calm and clear you need to go deep into the water and away from the choppy surface 🌊

So that's where I hope to spend 2023... in deep conversations, in deep thought, in deep work, in deep love! Even if it's just dating with an openness to not be stingy and closed off from the possibility of all the ways love can show up in our lives or checking in with friends and getting to the core of how they really are doing not just the pleasantries. 

What about you? 

Come join in if you haven't created your year yet and check out past themes if you want to get some inspiration. And remember: there is no right way to create a theme or year- you do you!

Cheers to 2023 🎊🥂 and all the DEEP JOY that can be for YOU and for ME 🤗

Creating YOUR Year ... 🎊 🖌️

2022 was good (and Happy Happy) ... but I believe 2023 is going to be even deeper, richer and more ME! Hope the same for YOU!!

Happy Mapping and Cheers to a DEEP & JOYFUL 2023! 

Happy Life

How can we have a Happy Life?

Well I think it's going to be a unique recipe for each of us and it's not often going to come in the exact way, form or timing we are always hoping for. Ugh, that's annoying!

But for me, it's gratitude, perspective, and remembering how lucky we are to be alive! 

You can read my opining on How to Happy in this year's posts. 

But I wanted to leave you with a little gem my sister recently shared when she was talking about finding the best family to adopt the pets she helps volunteer for. She loves the animals and wants to find the "perfect" home for each of them, but often reminds herself:

 Sometimes a good life is a great outcome.

Same for us. I thought I was going to have a different life. Whatever I pictured, this is not it! 

So I try and find happiness in the one I am living. AND explore what might make it great while enjoying the good. Am I thrilled to be dating at this age? 😳  Not quite- but I put it on this years map and found two guys I really liked and had a wonderful time with 😍. Is it fun to watch my folks age? No, but they are still a blast to be around and well so I enjoy them at a slower pace. My body, my finances, my relationships, name a category- I'm not where I would ideally like to be. But I practice being happy where I am and it does actually make things better. 

Take a quick inventory of 2022 and appreciate all the happy moments you've had... 

now see if you can let go of the perfect and enjoy the good. And from that place create a 2023 that will bring you joy going forward. Cheers to having a Happy Happy life 🍷 😘

Happy Hugs

I'm a hugger 🤗. I think hugging someone you care about is one of the greatest highs there is. I would also throw hand holding and general non-sexual touch into that category as well. 

When I saw this clip with Trevor Noah I got chills because it is so so true and so so avoided as a topic regarding both physical and mental health. Sex is great, but touch is essential to life!

Even before Covid we were a world with too little touch and since then it's part of the reason I think we are still a little crispy and numb. And not just for the reasons Trevor mentions. I think a lot of women are hesitant to give out affection to not lead others on and to protect themselves from creepy behavior that is unwanted and unwelcome. But I know how folks long to be held and connected with so we need to find a way to bring closeness into the way we are with people we can trust and care about. 

There are many men in my life who have shared how lonely and affection starved they are. Of course some women as well, but they often can get their touch from other women even if it is as simple as getting a hug from a friend or the touch from a pedicure. Men are just not as touchy with each other or in their everyday life.

I was in a car accident a few weeks ago and my back, neck and shoulders were sprained and/or twisted and so I've been getting therapeutic massage. The other day while on the table with my masseuse Scott working his magic, all I could think is there would be less war, hate and sadness in the world if people had this kind of touch as part of their lives. And yes a trained professional is not something that we all can (or want to) avail ourselves of regularly, but a hug, a touch, an energy exchange with people we know and care about is.

Earlier in the year I was dating a guy who you might remember as the great kisser, and though our chemistry was tingly one of the things I remember most is when we were sitting on the couch and he picked up my foot and put it on his leg and just held it there while we talked. 

It wasn't sexual it was just he wanted to feel connected while we spoke to each other. Melt!

And trust me if you were on the dating scene you would be startled by how many men list physical touch as their love-language. Or how they desperately crave a partner who will kiss them. Again, I think this is less about the sex and more about the intimacy of being connected to someone. You know I love words but I think touch is probably the thing most needed by men and the one they are most afraid to ask for so it often comes out as being related to sex. 

Recently I reunited with an old male friend and when we hugged it was like we hadn't been apart all that time. Nothing sexual, all emotional. That is what touch can do-- it can reconnect us with each other and even the good vibes in ourselves if we involve an expert like Scott. 

Not the lean, but you get the idea.

My Dad and I have this thing where when we are in the kitchen waiting for something to cook or for my family to get ready to leave for dinner we lean on each other (from the side). I can't remember exactly when it started, for sure by highschool when I got to be almost his height. He can't do this with my sister- she would tip over, or my brother- he would tip him over- so it's our thing. I treasure the feel of his lean and I know it's his way of being affectionate with the daughter who maybe needed it a little more than my siblings.    

So I leave you with this... who would welcome a hug/touch from you today? Who needs to feel your physical presence? Give a hug, get a hug... Happy Happy touch to you 🤗     

Happy Moments

Many years ago while in search of a therapist I ran across a woman who looked almost exactly like this pic of Goldie Hawn, including sitting legs crossed on her couch while she spoke to me. I can't quite remember her name, but I can remember this nugget clearly:

the key to happiness is to notice the little moments of our life

I remember thinking she was lovely and all but that was way too hippy-dippy for me so I moved on.

Well now that I'm older I totally see what she means. We don't remember the hours in our days, we remember the brief moments that made us feel alive and stick with us. One of my first real stick-with-me-moments was the day I was graduating from high school and not for the reasons you might think. It was because I noticed how my forest green gown perfectly matched the venue we graduated at: Ravinia. It felt like we were all one, in this big group of people (friends, family, teachers) I cared about, in this beautiful place 🌲🌳🌲🌳... and that felt emotional and magical.

I have attended many concerts there since and I always make a point of pausing for a moment to feel the audience sing in unison. Yes, I like the performer/s on stage, but it's the unison that gives me chills. People harmonizing together in joy is one of the best things to ever be in the middle of.

Seeing my book on the shelf after a year and half of work to write it- a moment!

When I feel sad or stressed I try and look for little moments of joy and it changes my mood immediately. And it doesn't have to be anything big. The other day I enjoyed a perfectly ripe mango and the moment was wonderful - the color, the smell and the taste- JOY!

Last week my family and some dear friends got together at a lovely winery to surprise my step-mom Bobbie for her 80th. The wine, food and chocolates were fantastic but the moment for me was when I read a poem I had written and I looked up and and she was teary (which is very rare for her). She said as a step-parent you don't always know if you've made a difference in your kids' lives and it meant a lot to hear she had 😊

Music, plants, food, wine, loved ones, a movie, a song lyric, a sunset, a kiss ... there are many things that make me stop in awe of how beautiful life is. So yes, that therapist was right all those years ago-- moments are what make our lives happy. Therefore if we want more happy, we need to stop and breathe in a few more as we live ours.

And if this reminds you of anyone who's helped make a happy moment for you, please share that with them, it'll probably create another one just enjoying the memory of it together.  

Cheers to Bobbie 🎂 and all the bonus parents that enrich our world, to the therapists that leave us with nuggets, and to the Happy Moments of our lives 🍷