Happy Hugs

I'm a hugger 🤗. I think hugging someone you care about is one of the greatest highs there is. I would also throw hand holding and general non-sexual touch into that category as well. 

When I saw this clip with Trevor Noah I got chills because it is so so true and so so avoided as a topic regarding both physical and mental health. Sex is great, but touch is essential to life!

Even before Covid we were a world with too little touch and since then it's part of the reason I think we are still a little crispy and numb. And not just for the reasons Trevor mentions. I think a lot of women are hesitant to give out affection to not lead others on and to protect themselves from creepy behavior that is unwanted and unwelcome. But I know how folks long to be held and connected with so we need to find a way to bring closeness into the way we are with people we can trust and care about. 

There are many men in my life who have shared how lonely and affection starved they are. Of course some women as well, but they often can get their touch from other women even if it is as simple as getting a hug from a friend or the touch from a pedicure. Men are just not as touchy with each other or in their everyday life.

I was in a car accident a few weeks ago and my back, neck and shoulders were sprained and/or twisted and so I've been getting therapeutic massage. The other day while on the table with my masseuse Scott working his magic, all I could think is there would be less war, hate and sadness in the world if people had this kind of touch as part of their lives. And yes a trained professional is not something that we all can (or want to) avail ourselves of regularly, but a hug, a touch, an energy exchange with people we know and care about is.

Earlier in the year I was dating a guy who you might remember as the great kisser, and though our chemistry was tingly one of the things I remember most is when we were sitting on the couch and he picked up my foot and put it on his leg and just held it there while we talked. 

It wasn't sexual it was just he wanted to feel connected while we spoke to each other. Melt!

And trust me if you were on the dating scene you would be startled by how many men list physical touch as their love-language. Or how they desperately crave a partner who will kiss them. Again, I think this is less about the sex and more about the intimacy of being connected to someone. You know I love words but I think touch is probably the thing most needed by men and the one they are most afraid to ask for so it often comes out as being related to sex. 

Recently I reunited with an old male friend and when we hugged it was like we hadn't been apart all that time. Nothing sexual, all emotional. That is what touch can do-- it can reconnect us with each other and even the good vibes in ourselves if we involve an expert like Scott. 

Not the lean, but you get the idea.

My Dad and I have this thing where when we are in the kitchen waiting for something to cook or for my family to get ready to leave for dinner we lean on each other (from the side). I can't remember exactly when it started, for sure by highschool when I got to be almost his height. He can't do this with my sister- she would tip over, or my brother- he would tip him over- so it's our thing. I treasure the feel of his lean and I know it's his way of being affectionate with the daughter who maybe needed it a little more than my siblings.    

So I leave you with this... who would welcome a hug/touch from you today? Who needs to feel your physical presence? Give a hug, get a hug... Happy Happy touch to you 🤗     

When I'm Right, I'm Right! Except... For When I'm Wrong.

One of my favorite things ever is being right about something. I mean I LOVE being right! I have lots of opinions and let's just say when I take a stand I'm right much of the time. 

Now part of the reason for this is because I like reading about an array of various topics and I've studied a good deal of self-help and had loads of therapy so I've honed my senses and understanding of human behavior. And because I also don't like to be wrong, I usually only spout off about things I feel like I know; otherwise I tend to be inquisitive of why someone is saying something or I look it up. That's the only way to play fair. If you like it when you're right (and don't deny it you like it too! 😉) you have to admit when other people are right and you are wrrrrong. 

So as I've been pacing myself and spending a good deal of sparkle time in the beginning of the year, I was hoping I was right again that Trump would finish his grift for money ($500M+) objecting to the election results and then reluctantly concede, take a bow on getting the vaccine out and would start his next bid for attention on some cable station. But I was WRONG!

Last week's insurrection was a disgusting display of mob behavior but even more upsetting was that every American, including our legislators and his advisors, didn't immediately get Trump to leave office. Nixon's acts were dishonorable but to foment violence against his own VP and elected officials and our very elections as they were being certified is next level bullshit!

(Photo By Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call via AP Images)

Of course not every person who voted for Trump is a nut or should be lumped in with those terrorist that stormed the Capitol, not even all the MAGAs that attended the earlier rally. But anyone who is not currently speaking up against Trump's big lie is now responsible for anything else that comes in the days ahead.  

Listen, I know it is heartbreaking to have a person you looked up to come out from behind the curtain and not be who he sold the public he was. Myself, I was wrong about Charlie Rose- who I admired and watched for decades. I talked about him all the time and would have vowed he was a decent man. Another one that hurt was that I was wrong regarding my adoration for Louis CK... sure this one was a bit more obvious- my bad! But nonetheless when it was clear I was wrong I said it. Not just to my friends but here where I touted my love in the first place. I tried to clean up my mess, mitigate my wrongness.  

The only way to halt this nationwide divide and destruction and protect our country in the next few days, weeks and years is to speak the truth and undo whatever damage we've done.

If you quietly, privately voted Trump I guess just do better next time researching your choice (his lies and damage were clearly visible) but for the rest--- anyone who publicly spouted off about Trump needs to with same volume, vigor and verve speak out on how: he is lying about the election being stolen; that he was wrong to rile up a crowd then send them after Congress/VP; and that he was derelict in duty to not get National Guard in to help them immediately. Then state he is now unfit for office. 

The ratio of regret needs to be equal to the denial and harm caused by those who stood by party over country; was OK with tax-cuts and judges while ignoring kids in cages and the lies and dishonor he brought to the office; and thought owning your annoying lib relatives and ex-friends was worth siding with racists, a pussy-grabber and the incompetents Trump surrounded himself with who would not speak truth to nor for him.   

When The Daily Show can summarize the buildup of this looming destruction in a few minutes it's hard to say no-one saw this coming 😒 

Our fellow-citizens, the world and for goodness sake our children are watching this. Own what we've contributed to this mess and let's get America back to where we are arguing about the proper corporate tax rate and school funding not about tearing down our democracy. We are better than this! 

I am right about the United States of America 🇺🇸 

... for our Founder's, let alone our sake, don't prove me wrong 🤨