When I'm Right, I'm Right! Except... For When I'm Wrong.

One of my favorite things ever is being right about something. I mean I LOVE being right! I have lots of opinions and let's just say when I take a stand I'm right much of the time. 

Now part of the reason for this is because I like reading about an array of various topics and I've studied a good deal of self-help and had loads of therapy so I've honed my senses and understanding of human behavior. And because I also don't like to be wrong, I usually only spout off about things I feel like I know; otherwise I tend to be inquisitive of why someone is saying something or I look it up. That's the only way to play fair. If you like it when you're right (and don't deny it you like it too! 😉) you have to admit when other people are right and you are wrrrrong. 

So as I've been pacing myself and spending a good deal of sparkle time in the beginning of the year, I was hoping I was right again that Trump would finish his grift for money ($500M+) objecting to the election results and then reluctantly concede, take a bow on getting the vaccine out and would start his next bid for attention on some cable station. But I was WRONG!

Last week's insurrection was a disgusting display of mob behavior but even more upsetting was that every American, including our legislators and his advisors, didn't immediately get Trump to leave office. Nixon's acts were dishonorable but to foment violence against his own VP and elected officials and our very elections as they were being certified is next level bullshit!

(Photo By Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call via AP Images)

Of course not every person who voted for Trump is a nut or should be lumped in with those terrorist that stormed the Capitol, not even all the MAGAs that attended the earlier rally. But anyone who is not currently speaking up against Trump's big lie is now responsible for anything else that comes in the days ahead.  

Listen, I know it is heartbreaking to have a person you looked up to come out from behind the curtain and not be who he sold the public he was. Myself, I was wrong about Charlie Rose- who I admired and watched for decades. I talked about him all the time and would have vowed he was a decent man. Another one that hurt was that I was wrong regarding my adoration for Louis CK... sure this one was a bit more obvious- my bad! But nonetheless when it was clear I was wrong I said it. Not just to my friends but here where I touted my love in the first place. I tried to clean up my mess, mitigate my wrongness.  

The only way to halt this nationwide divide and destruction and protect our country in the next few days, weeks and years is to speak the truth and undo whatever damage we've done.

If you quietly, privately voted Trump I guess just do better next time researching your choice (his lies and damage were clearly visible) but for the rest--- anyone who publicly spouted off about Trump needs to with same volume, vigor and verve speak out on how: he is lying about the election being stolen; that he was wrong to rile up a crowd then send them after Congress/VP; and that he was derelict in duty to not get National Guard in to help them immediately. Then state he is now unfit for office. 

The ratio of regret needs to be equal to the denial and harm caused by those who stood by party over country; was OK with tax-cuts and judges while ignoring kids in cages and the lies and dishonor he brought to the office; and thought owning your annoying lib relatives and ex-friends was worth siding with racists, a pussy-grabber and the incompetents Trump surrounded himself with who would not speak truth to nor for him.   

When The Daily Show can summarize the buildup of this looming destruction in a few minutes it's hard to say no-one saw this coming 😒 

Our fellow-citizens, the world and for goodness sake our children are watching this. Own what we've contributed to this mess and let's get America back to where we are arguing about the proper corporate tax rate and school funding not about tearing down our democracy. We are better than this! 

I am right about the United States of America 🇺🇸 

... for our Founder's, let alone our sake, don't prove me wrong 🤨

Gaslighter, Denier... Where's My Apology?

 

I'm not sure I had heard of the term gaslighting prior to the last four years- and if I did I probably only knew what was inferred by the context of the rest of the point of the conversation. 

For those unfamiliar, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where a "gaslighter" tries to lie and manipulate someone into questioning their thoughts, memories, and the reality of the events occurring around them. It came from an old 30's play and 40's movie where a husband tried to drive his wife crazy- or at least have others believe she was- by messing with the gas lights (and other items) in their home. In 2016, the term made the rounds after Lauren Duca's Vogue article about Trump and then hit its prime as runner up to word of the year in 2018.

Our president is trying to double-down before he leaves office by pretending he won an election he lost so he won't have to leave on 01.20.21. Amanda and Byrnn's tweets sum up what I feel on the topic but it got me thinking about all the other gaslighting I had experienced in life before I knew what it really meant even though many of us had felt it quite a bit in our lives. Bosses, exes, anyone who manipulated others for their own means.

And while I applaud the idea of bringing our country together and am a huge proponent of forgiveness and reconciliation these women point out two of the key elements before true healing can begin- truth & justice!

If someone has been an abuser they would like to skip this step and pretend that any battle was equal on both sides and so let's just call it even and move on. Nope! 

First comes cleaning up the mess they made and making amends before there is the possibility of forgiveness and steps forward. AA is based on this principle which requires making amends (steps 8 & 9) for prior harms caused along the path of recovery. Almost all religions also speak of some form of contrition and repentance when there has been wrongdoing done. 

If we want to move forward as a country let alone live a peaceful life ourselves I don't think it's healthy, let alone just, to let folks that have caused harm with blatant lying, racism, violence against others, or any dishonorable behavior get a free pass. Not only does it send a horrible message that our actions don't have consequences but it also makes healing for the people who experienced the harm more difficult. 

Imagine how hard it's going to be to get 74M Trump voters to see the truth when they have been told by him, the GOP and Fox News that he didn't really lose the election. Good luck trying to reason with the MAGAs they've radicalized! Those lying and attempting to gaslight our country should never be able to hold a place of leadership and trust until they have at a minimum come forward and spoken the truth.   

And even when there is truth finally admitted there needs to be the additional steps of amends and restitution to those harmed. Louis CK is a perfect example of a half-assed attempt to clean up his mess. Yes, his apology was a solid start but then he chickened out on cleaning up and doing the real work to redeem himself. So disappointing as a former fan.   

Recently I had an ex call to check in on how I was during the pandemic like our parting wasn't less than amicable. I was willing to hear them out because after previously ignoring three other attempts I thought who knows it's been a long enough time, maybe they had changed, maybe in this time of reflection they had done some work and were calling with remorse and an apology and we could be at peace. Alas they just wanted to pretend everything was bygones being bygones. Once a gaslighter, I guess always one- so not to mix my Chicks metaphors but I'm not ready to make nice 😏

I say to my ex or anyone who has enabled Trump or anyone who has harmed someone else and have let things fester and get even uglier: 

Where's the apology? Where's the truth? Where's the justice?

If there's no real truth and justice, then look out... 

we see your lie-lie-lies and we're done with you and your gaslighting 🔥  

The Pope that Saved the Planet

The Pope that Saved the Planet from Joy Meredith

I, like most people, don’t like being upset all the time, my natural state is- 

wait for it...    Joy!

So as with many of us, the last 4 years have frayed my nerves to the point of crispy 😣. What’s been most upsetting in 2020 is watching folks let our country divide itself instead of pulling together. I mean I get it everyone's passions are running high, patience running low... but it is so self-destructive.

                                         

Now normally when it comes election time I encourage my friends and family to vote and try to make it light and fun by talking about my love for voting stickers. They might infer my leanings but I rarely come out and say who I think folks should vote for because usually it's none of my business. 

This year of course was different and I felt for many reason that I needed to take a stand. 

Not long after, a close friend called me to get advice on how I was dealing with our mutual friends who are Conservatives. I confessed I had been avoiding them. She wasn't the first to raise this concern in our group of friends but I was at a loss. 

Couple days later I realized I was being a hypocrite and a coward by not sharing with these dear friends of over 30 years how I felt; not to change their vote per se, but to share what was going on with me and that many of us who they care about are upset over this president. It did not go well. 

Received a curt text back from one of the two ending our friendship declaring that pro-life was the main thing they vote on (although there was more said, it is unimportant here) and she and her neighborhood friends would be gladly voting for Trump. 

 

At first I was hurt and then mad and then I got a pit in my stomach that this is happening all over America, probably the world. People who are normally rational loving people are letting this one topic divide them because it is so polarizing. (Would this Catholic suburban mom really be voting for a thrice wife-cheating, vulgar, showman like Trump if not for the judges?) 

I could not let it go. I know, I know this is an issue for me- but hear me out because it might have ironically been a sign leading me to a solution to it all...

As an aside, this situation came along at the time of the year when the MacArthur Genius fellowship awards are announced. Each year for at least a decade my best pal Vickie and I always send each other the announcement with a:

Can't believe it wasn't our year.

We joke about the mystery behind how they are selected and how we really do need to do more to save the world. I mean shouldn't we all?!

So while stewing on the state of the world and contemplating how we are ever going to recover in the US from this chaos of such divided politics, 

I pondered and mapped out what would really make a difference: 

What could save the world? 

How could I help it along?

Well as often happens, the solution hit me in the middle of the night...

The #1 thing dividing US politics is the issue of abortion

The #1 global threat is climate change

The #1 cause of suffering in the world is poverty

What one thing could begin to solve these 3 major problems?

Well, I won't spoil it for you but I figured it out and this slidedoc outlines what I believe could make the biggest difference in solving our divide, easing poverty and saving the planet.

If after you read it you are nodding your head and thinking ~ 

By golly, Joy you are a genius! 

please do find a way to get word to the Pope and the MacArthur folks... 

because I would really like to be able to save the world 🌎and beat Vickie to it! 😜 

[Timing note: I have been working on this project for weeks, Vickie helped me with final edits Monday, and I uploaded it Tuesday night. I had been waiting to finish this post when the I woke up Wednesday morning to an announcement on the Pope's view regarding gay civil unions. So for folks thinking this proposal seems preposterous- I say who knows we might be days away from it coming true- one can always hope! 🙏 ]

The SPLASH

[Warning: There will be lots of shitty language and upsetting thoughts below--- 
if you're having a shitty or delicate day maybe skip this post.]


Shittiness doesn't just have the power to ruin someone's day, or year, or their career but can ruin their entire life or our whole world. 

See, when we are shitty it doesn't neatly stay confined to just us and the person we are shitty to........ it splashes and goes everywhere ........ I mean EVERYWHERE!

Because Stephen Miller is a shitty person a young boy separated from his mother at the border doesn't even recognize her anymore. Because the killer was a shitty husband my high school friend Ron Goldman is dead and his sister, Kim, has spent years of her life anguished by his loss. Because Donald Trump is a shitty president world leaders have had to adjust their economies, foreign policies, and military plans because they no longer have one of their staunchest allies as a reliable partner.

SHIT SPLASH hits the person you're directly shitty to and then ripples and gets on anyone who is in their life... and so on... and so on ... and so on... 

Imagine knowing Harvey Weinstein raped your friend and having to see him win award after award. Well you don't have to, there are women who can tell us how that not only affected their friend but how just knowing there was a serial-rapist in their midst changed what movies they went for, who they might be able to trust, and how they felt about the industry they had dreamed of working in. Clearly it must have been horrible for Louis CK's daughters to hear/read about the creepy things he had done but how shitty must it have been for his tv-daughters to know their director and co-star has now tainted what they spent a good portion of their young lives working on.

How sick must it have been for anyone who knew the true Cosby to see him being touted as America's Dad. He didn't just rape and ruin the lives of his victims he splashed that shit on anyone they loved or dealing with the fallout from their pain. 

The butterfly effect states: a very small change in initial conditions can create a significantly different outcome. That is a delicate way of saying your shit splash can ruin things you aren't even aware of for people who are merely in your vicinity. 
Splash, splash, splash!

We are all shitty at some time in our lives- heck in many of our day-to-day actions- but we can make life and our world better if we: limit how shitty we are to ourselves and others and by leaving less of a crappy-mess behind in our wake.

What can you do if you've been The Splasher?

• Map It Out: Take an inventory of your life, including your shit.
• Own your ME-anness: Take responsibility for your energy (& shit).
• End It: Stop being so shitty and clean up the mess.
• Do Good: Repair the shit you've broken.
• Create Art: Make helpful shit. 🎨💩👍

What if you've been a victim of shittiness? 
Do as Oprah did... take all the shit that has happened to you and turn it into fertilizer and  🌱 🌿 🌳 GROW!

Hurt People HURT People

Politico's Michael Kruse just wrote an article, The Loneliest President, and not to overstate it but I think he painted a picture of the man so clearly it serves as a snapshot for our world's problems as well: Hurt people end up hurting people.

It's hard to tell how damaged a person is from the outside or fathom why they would purposely harm anyone else. But look around... Nazis marching in the streets.  One traumatized son of an overbearing father pointing nuclear weapons at another. Emasculated white breadwinners hating dreamers. Sexually abused women taking their anger out on decent men or even their own children. Parishioners committing road-rage on their way home from service. The cycle repeats itself daily and generationally over and over and over.

Healthy adults who came from a sound childhood or healed themselves along the way see pain and anger and it makes them want to help and heal others. At the very least makes them have a bit of compassion for those who are angry and broken.

Sure we all have bad days, annoying destructive habits, and I haven't met a single person who if they were threatened couldn't turn and get a little ugly. But if I see someone being really foul, and angry, and abusive I think how sorry I am for them that they have to go into the world with that burden, that affliction.

Read the article and you can't help feel sorry for Trump's self induced isolation and lack of true connection. Imagine going through life not being able to trust a friend. Making every interaction a transaction. Feeling like everyone is out to get you. Must be a little slice of hell :(

Don't get me wrong, I think he should be impeached and removed from office and not allowed to cause any more harm to others, but it also begs the question: How can we as a society deal with all these walking-wounded adults before they hurt others?

As in triage situations not everyone can or even wants to be healed. If abusers are not willing to get help we need to isolate them and make sure we are taking care of our own well being. Then as a society we all need to ask ourselves...

Who hurt you?

Who are you hurting?

How can we heal individually, as a nation, and as a world?

Get NASTY!

As if I didn't already love Louis C.K. ... he perfectly summarizes why this election is so ridiculous.

You don't need to be a Democrat, or an Independent like myself, to see that Trump is a sucker's bet.

Bottom line: Hillary might be unlikable, but maybe that's because she's had to fight for everything she's achieved and that leaves some sour tastes behind. She might be corrupt-ish, but I'd gladly take someone who's using their deviousness to get children healthcare. She might have used an illegal email system, but she used it while trying to make the world a safer place and stand up for the rights of women around the world. She might have even buried a few bodies along the way (doubtful), but The Clinton Foundation has also helped millions get AIDS drugs (not to mention other good works).

We are now living in a time where inspiration isn't enough... we need a bad-ass-get-shit-done-who-cares-if-it's-pretty NASTY Woman in the White House.

We don't need to like her. We just need to help her get in, then get out of the way and let her work her ass off for our country.