(Not So) Bad (Not So) Good Guy

I'm not sure I'm going to be able to pull this off without offending someone and expressing myself just right but like I said in my previous post I do think the conversation about the Masculinity Crisis is of great importance so I'm going to give it a go. 

BE FOREWARNED: If you are easily offended skip this one 😬

First let me go back to where it all started... I was a HUGE fan of the Charlie Rose Show (yes, I know 😼). So when he had Louis CK (LCK) on for the hour I watched and was so delighted by their conversation. It was also around the time he did the bit on Conan about Everything's Amazing and I became an instant fan.

Well let me restate that... a huge fan of his interviews on TV because they were clean and calm and he was more himself. His comedy was quite vulgar and crude so I wasn't always a big fan of that. But when his FX show came out and he would talk about how he wrote, directed and edited it as well as starred in it, I knew he wasn't the schlub he was pretending to be on stage. He's a smarty.

And if you listened to his interview with his best friend of many years Marc Maron you also knew he was a soft and sensitive guy as well.

So that's where my crush came from for those wondering. 

Ok, back to the Theo Von interview and LCK's confession of being a sex addict... the thing that bugged me at first was when he said he was and still is confused about all of it. So below is my attempt to try and explain my understanding of why that might be. And I share this not to defend him but to have a real conversation about what things have changed for both men and women. Because if we don't begin to understand each other things are just going to get more divided and that would be bad for ALL of us. 

Here goes...

Theo brought up that what LCK had done wasn't that bad... well... it wasn't if you compared it to others in the industry:

• Cosby: Serial rapist who drugged women for decades and never admitted any wrongdoing. 
• Woody Allen: Even if you don't believe his daughter Dylan, which I do, he seduced his girlfriend's under-21-daughter who he had been at least a parental figure to. 
• Diddy: Hosted hottest party in the Hamptons and was .. well you know- really bad boy stuff!
• Trump: The man was caught on tape saying proudly he grabs women by the p#ssy and more than a few dozen came forward to say he sexually assaulted them. Not to mention he was best friends with a pedophile he had "wonderful secrets" with AND yet got elected TWICE to the highest office in the land/world. 

So by those measures, asking women if he could masturbate in front of them is minor league. 

Plus I'm sure for some this could also be confusing:

• Sarah Silverman: When they were younger her and her sister would often allow him to masturbate in front of them and she said she wasn't bothered by it and thought it was funny.
• Chelsie Handler: Is applauded as a strong woman while skiing down hills and then posting pictures of herself topless.

Up until the last few years I didn't enjoy either of them because I thought they were too much, and too crude for my tastes as well. But as they've aged and as Chelsie has talked about what she's learned in therapy - which is really profound and deep- I have really enjoyed both of them. And let's face it most of the top female comics for much of my life have had to be bawdy and ballsy to compete in the male dominated world. 

Don't even get me started on the Kardashians. You should know I really dislike what they stand for and it's personal to me. They are only famous because the name was associated with getting the killer of my high school friend, Ron Goldman, off for murder. That Kim was touted as having broken the internet for showing her butt on a magazine cover 😏 and how they took feminism back decades in what young girls think is successful by making BILLIONS modifying their bodies and flaunting sex is disheartening. 

All to say, for LCK and others it might be confusing what is truly bad and what can get you fame, money and an election. 

BUT...

Here is why it was really bad and was not OK for him to go back on the road before he cleaned it up and be flippant while standing in front of the SORRY sign joking about it. 

Sure the apology while decent compared to those denying their offenses was still jerky because he mentioned repeatedly that the women who were cornered admired him and that's why he shouldn't have asked them.

Nope not the reason! 

Many of them didn't admire him, they were just there for a job at their place of work and it was creepy to even ask. Also when a few talked about what had happened they were threatened to be blackballed by his agent. Not cool.

Though here's the main reason it was indeed so bad...

When you get assaulted by a stranger or a creepy uncle or a lech like Harvey Weinstein, it is gross and traumatic and will make a person hyper cautious of men/places that give them the ick. But when the man who they think is their pal or a good guy makes them feel unsafe then you have to be on-guard for every man because now you can't trust your own judgement. 

None of those women were new to seeing a penis- that wasn't the trauma- but to be put in a position that you're not sure if you will be raped or killed or maybe the least of it fired. It takes a person to be super strong or play along for her own safety. That shakes a person. 

Reminder, for those unaware: 

• 1 in 3 women have been experienced some form of abuse from an intimate partner.
• Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women – more than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined.
• Globally as many as 38% of all murders of women are committed by intimate partners.

And the ironic thing is his act is brilliant at explaining EXACTLY this...

So...

Louis, you took their trust in humanity and their judgement away from them. 

That was a very shitty thing to do!! 💩

Now, back to bringing us all together... there is nothing wrong with sex, or skiing naked or letting our friends/dates/pros see us enjoying ourselves. But time, place, permission and reading the room is called for. If in doubt, don't even ask to pull it out!!!

My guess is that LCK is not as confused as he claims, but wisely is again playing a little dense because he's afraid to say our society sends mixed signals when we can be sexual/aggressive and get a pass. As I mentioned in the last post the Masculinity Crisis affects everything. I get why in his asking he thought he was not that horrible and then being hated felt so scary for him. But not for nothing, when he said he didn't feel safe anywhere, that's how many women feel all the time. 

The bear... women chose to be alone with a bear for God's sakes!

So my hope is that this makes people see the other side and the disservice of us living on two sides of the patriarchy. And hopefully we all weed out the true sociopaths and the good guys at heart get another chance to do the work and become DUE Gooders. 

When I'm Right, I'm Right! Except... For When I'm Wrong.

One of my favorite things ever is being right about something. I mean I LOVE being right! I have lots of opinions and let's just say when I take a stand I'm right much of the time. 

Now part of the reason for this is because I like reading about an array of various topics and I've studied a good deal of self-help and had loads of therapy so I've honed my senses and understanding of human behavior. And because I also don't like to be wrong, I usually only spout off about things I feel like I know; otherwise I tend to be inquisitive of why someone is saying something or I look it up. That's the only way to play fair. If you like it when you're right (and don't deny it you like it too! 😉) you have to admit when other people are right and you are wrrrrong. 

So as I've been pacing myself and spending a good deal of sparkle time in the beginning of the year, I was hoping I was right again that Trump would finish his grift for money ($500M+) objecting to the election results and then reluctantly concede, take a bow on getting the vaccine out and would start his next bid for attention on some cable station. But I was WRONG!

Last week's insurrection was a disgusting display of mob behavior but even more upsetting was that every American, including our legislators and his advisors, didn't immediately get Trump to leave office. Nixon's acts were dishonorable but to foment violence against his own VP and elected officials and our very elections as they were being certified is next level bullshit!

(Photo By Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call via AP Images)

Of course not every person who voted for Trump is a nut or should be lumped in with those terrorist that stormed the Capitol, not even all the MAGAs that attended the earlier rally. But anyone who is not currently speaking up against Trump's big lie is now responsible for anything else that comes in the days ahead.  

Listen, I know it is heartbreaking to have a person you looked up to come out from behind the curtain and not be who he sold the public he was. Myself, I was wrong about Charlie Rose- who I admired and watched for decades. I talked about him all the time and would have vowed he was a decent man. Another one that hurt was that I was wrong regarding my adoration for Louis CK... sure this one was a bit more obvious- my bad! But nonetheless when it was clear I was wrong I said it. Not just to my friends but here where I touted my love in the first place. I tried to clean up my mess, mitigate my wrongness.  

The only way to halt this nationwide divide and destruction and protect our country in the next few days, weeks and years is to speak the truth and undo whatever damage we've done.

If you quietly, privately voted Trump I guess just do better next time researching your choice (his lies and damage were clearly visible) but for the rest--- anyone who publicly spouted off about Trump needs to with same volume, vigor and verve speak out on how: he is lying about the election being stolen; that he was wrong to rile up a crowd then send them after Congress/VP; and that he was derelict in duty to not get National Guard in to help them immediately. Then state he is now unfit for office. 

The ratio of regret needs to be equal to the denial and harm caused by those who stood by party over country; was OK with tax-cuts and judges while ignoring kids in cages and the lies and dishonor he brought to the office; and thought owning your annoying lib relatives and ex-friends was worth siding with racists, a pussy-grabber and the incompetents Trump surrounded himself with who would not speak truth to nor for him.   

When The Daily Show can summarize the buildup of this looming destruction in a few minutes it's hard to say no-one saw this coming 😒 

Our fellow-citizens, the world and for goodness sake our children are watching this. Own what we've contributed to this mess and let's get America back to where we are arguing about the proper corporate tax rate and school funding not about tearing down our democracy. We are better than this! 

I am right about the United States of America 🇺🇸 

... for our Founder's, let alone our sake, don't prove me wrong 🤨

Imagine: No Religion

When we're young we're taught what to believe by our parents, teachers, friends, community and continue to believe these things until we are educated otherwise or begin to question these beliefs on our own. Aside from learning that turkeys can't fly, the other big take-away from one of my favorite shows as a kid, WKRP, is to imagine what it would be like without religion....

As kids we are lead to believe: there is a jolly middle-aged Santa that flies around the world on one night bringing every kid that is good a present; there is a giant Easter Bunny that brings eggs and sweets each Spring (still not sure the meaning behind this act of generosity, but why question baskets filled with candy?); and a Tooth Fairy that will pay us money for our discarded teeth (I'm not even going to ask what a fairy needs with all those children's teeth).

As adults we know these are harmless tales told to motivate kids to behave, to carry on some fun traditions, to make the trauma of loosing parts of us ok and even something to endure a little pain for so we can have a reward in the morning.

Parents can become furious if they find out a sibling or even worse some random kid on the playground burst the bubble of belief in Santa & friends for their child. Why? To tell them the truth takes away their innocence and the fun of playing along.

How long should children believe in magical beings and mystical fantasies?

How long should adults?

I know quite a few people who think Scientology is a crazy cult and would probably agree the same about the origins of Mormonism except it isn't related to Tom Cruise and John Travolta so why bother reading up on it. Sure it is possible our next President, who as Commander in Chief will have the nuclear codes, believes in a magical angel sent down in the 1820's with golden scrolls and that when Jesus returns to earth he'll be landing in Missouri, but since Romney seems clean cut and successful why worry about his logic and what he believes.

It is impolite to discuss politics, religion, and sex at dinner parties or "in polite company" and so I mostly avoid making other people feel uncomfortable by not doing so. But when does politeness lead to world destruction? When we have people being killed and political anarchy over a single stupid ridiculous YouTube video and that said 14 min clip spread so fast and caused such destruction that it might provoke acts of war. Or how about when World Leaders go infront of the United Nations threatening each other with redlines or refusing to recognize the existence of each other at all? How about then?

If we can't tell the truth about the basic fundamental tenants of religion how will we ever get to the truths of the other things that divide us: racism, poverty, violence, etc. Where is the integrity? We would probably all agree a woman who believes her cat is speaking to her is delusional but we think nothing of congregations full of people worshipping something they've never scene with their own eyes or claiming their clergy have a relationship with God. At least we know the cat is real.

And why do I not believe in an all mighty God? Simple... I refuse to believe in a God that would force St. Jude's Children's Hospital to beg for money to save innocent children with cancer while Donald Trump is walking around gold plating and naming after himself anything that is not nailed down. Why God would let children have cancer in the first place is beyond me to start with. And yes, I get the irony of using a hospital named after a saint in this chosen example. Now I do understand why people find refuge in religion- there is the sense of community, of support, of comfort, especially in the belief in something beyond us and after life here on earth. But can't that not also come in the same construct minus the absolutes in doctrine?

My fear of offending anyone has been overcome by my fear of WWIII. It is time for an adult conversation about how religion is not saving the world but instead jeopardizing it. If you can't even imagine your God, Prophet, religion is not true how can anyone else? It's the absolutes the folks fight over. My skin crawled when I was watching a Charlie Rose interview with Thomas Friedman and while discussing Syria Tom said he had no idea how the conflicts could ever be resolved because the oldest ongoing civil war is based on a 7th century conflict regarding who is the proper heir to the Prophet Muhammad. He has both Sunni and Shiite friends and can't tell the difference and wonders if they ever ask themselves: Why are we fighting with each other? Over what? 

When religion starts wars vs ending them don't we have to question what it's all for?

Ask yourself, is your religion worth sending your children into a WWIII over?

I have to believe if there is a God, he sent WKRP across the airwaves, he made me a non-believer, and he has you reading this post right now. I guess I do believe in this: God if he is out there has a sense a humor, is not so fragile he can't stand a little good debate about his existence, would choose peace over fanatical praise, and would rather us discuss him and find some common good amongst his children then blow up and destroy his finnest creations.

Update: Always up to changing my mind if shown new info. Willing to convert to Believer if Donald Trump donates $5 Million to St. Judes by October 31, 2012. Dare him to prove me wrong!