Cropping Out, Focusing In

LESS,

BUT

BETTER.

~Dieter Rams


I love the idea of Minimalism, but I can't quite go all the way there. Still I do believe decluttering what's not serving us makes all aspects of our lives richer and more full of joy.

Arianna Huffington's quest to get us to Thrive by talking about how overwhelmed we are and how money and power are not the only metrics of success is a long overdue conversation. Are we all going to take up meditation and sleep with no electronic devices in our bedrooms? We should, we totally should-- but it might take us some baby steps to get there.

So what can we do today, right now? Choose!

Choose what's most important. I'm just beginning to read the book Essentialism which focuses on eliminating the non-essential so you can do/have: less, but better. Love this concept and it reminded me immediately of studying photography. Cropping was my thing. I took decent photos but they were so much more meaningful when I got to cropping them. I shoot photos like I'm striving to live my life: get the big picture then focus in and rid it of everything that's distracting so the true essence comes out.

So above is my Twitter icon and to the left is the original photo. It's not a particularly flattering photo -not bad- but the reason I wanted to use it was because I was having a very happy day when I took it and I wanted to be reminded of it daily. To me the close-up version is all about my happy smile the full version just another photo to me.

Focusing in, cutting out, less but better is a great clarifier. We can do this with everything from food to parenting to work.

Better to enjoy a few Godiva chocolates then a one pound generic bar. Better to engage in quality activities and conversation with kids then to run them (and you) ragged with every activity under the sun. Better to kick-ass on one dynamic project then to be all over the place with mindless busy work and meetings.

Less in life is a little uncomfortable to get used to when we are such a more, more, more, busy, busy, busy society. But it's not working for us so maybe we -for sure I- need to try to get down to the essentials, crop out what's not needed, and focus in on less but better.

How Do You Like Your Drama?

Go Shonda Go! The irony of this Twitter exchange is that Shonda Rhimes is the woman who brings us Grey's Anatomy and even more dramatic SCANDAL!

For a someone who makes a very nice living from creating drama I love that she makes the strong point about pointless drama and the hard work of changing our lives. And I couldn't agree more. There will be drama that pops up in our everyday life but I can't tell you what a dramatic difference it made when I stopped partaking in pointless drama in my life and engaging with those that came to me with theirs. I've noticed some people would rather live with- and dare I say stoke- their dramas then get to (or take help) deflating them.

This is an exhausting way to live and a genuine draining ask of our friendships. A real friend is there for the unavoidable dramas, yet helps to snap us out the the pointless ones. That's TRUE friendship to me.

So how do I like my dramas nowadays? On Thursday nights with some wine :)


[If you'd like to join in some fun drama come check out my Twitter SCANDAL Channel on Thursdays at 9pm... or you could always come work on your life at the next
the ME Workshop ;) ]

Don't Live With Crusty Burners!

We think in life we need to make big sweeping changes to make us truly happy- and those are awesome and we should totally push ourselves to live into our BIG dreams- but sometimes it's the little things....

The shower curtain hook story I tell in my workshop is a favorite to many that hear it but since it entails some theatrics that are better to see live-- today I'll share a different one still in a similar vein. I have an old stove and every time I cooked I hated looking at the burner covers- no matter how "clean" they were they were old, rusty and crusty and seeing them just annoyed the heck out of me. I put up with them for years because I didn't really think through what another option would look like other than getting a new stove.

Well here I am teaching people they should declutter anything that isn't working in their lives and as I'm telling them I'm living with my own hypocrisy. Why am I putting up with such a small but deeply annoying thing in my life? So one afternoon I trek over to my local Lowe's and ask for help to see if I can get new burner covers- then buy recommended covers, only to get home to find they're not a fit :( But now I'm a woman on a mission, so online I go and within a short time the find correct ones on Amazon for under $15.

Now the entire thing took less than an hour total and less than $20 and I can not tell you how happy this little kitchen upgrade made me.

Point is: don't live an annoyed life. Fix the little things that bug you during your day. One of the free things that made my life so much easier years ago was placing a pretty glass dish by my door and putting my keys in there every time I enter my place. Simple and no more time suck and aggravation looking for keys before I leave the house.

It's Spring cleaning time so give yourself a real treat and get into the habit of once a week getting rid of one annoyance. I dare you to get creative to see if you can make it as quick, painless, and low cost as possible.

Decluttering the crusty burners of our day-to-day starts adding up to a happy life pretty quickly so start small and find the joy :)  

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A Match ❤

Recently I've had a couple friends complain they wish there was a better way to meet people then online dating. Although I'm sure there are many love connections made through o-l-d I think friends of friends are always a better way to meet quality folks. I am far from a love guru and I've been rather unlucky in love myself but alas I am pretty good at spotting possible matches. So this week I am going to try my hand as Cupid and see if I can play matchmaker with some friends. And if you're single and up for it I dare you to ask 3 friends if they'll play matchmaker for you. Odds are one will be happy to oblige.

Once you've deputized your Cupid, the following are some thoughts that will help you help them help you:

Focus: Be clear up what you are looking for- sure open is great but too broad and they have no idea what to look for. And their tastes might not be what you are really interested in dating.

Photo: Update any public profiles with a realistic but flattering photo. Any matches will Google you and want to know what they're getting into so start off on good foot. No need to get fancy just have a friend with a good eye take some.

Feel good: No one wants to date desperate-Debbie or anxious-Anthony. Spruce up your looks with new haircut or new shirt and look at this as fun adventure. Calm and confident are two of the sexiest things you can radiate so do what it takes to get there.

Good sport: Chemistry in love is an art not a science.... so if you're not feeling it be polite and if they are good person kindly pass them back in the mix and offer to introduce them to someone you know they might hit it off with.

Numbers game: Don't get discouraged if you can't find love right away it's a numbers game. My guess is we are only attracted to every 20-25 available people we meet so don't get discouraged until you've gone on at least 20 coffees.


As for Matchmakers... if you've found love in your life it is good karma to share the wealth so give it a go. Don't pressure or make yourself or your friends feel bad if they didn't feel the spark. Have fun with it and don't get too bossy if friends resist your matching- move on to another single friend.


DO IT YOURSELF: Sucky friends that are bad matchers but you still want to find love:

Sit down: Next time you go to event or take the train go sit next to (in your eyes) the cutest person in the room. Short version of longish TRUE story: I gave this advice to friend before she attended a weekend workshop and she was married within the year.

Flirt: Not at work and not with friends' spouses but flirt with everyone else- just for the practice. Don't be weird or slutty about it just friendly, witty and warm. Even if no love connection you'll probably make someone's day.

Date yourself: If you're waiting for someone to take you to places you want to go, take yourself. There's a better chance you'll meet someone with similar interests if you're going to the talks, events, places you wish someone would take you. Your love might be waiting for you to show up right now.


Ok, there you go... about all I know about dating and matchmaking*. I do know for sure though that life is short so if you are looking for love go find it and it doesn't ever hurt to ask others to help you along the way :)

Happy Valentine's Day and much...

*Safety: Even if you know someone through mutual friends make sure you are being safe. Meet out at public place and don't let them drive you home until you feel comfortable. And if you live alone always tell someone where you are and who you are going out with that night.

Not A Happy Ending :(

Victoria Will

Death sucks but dying a dumb death is even suckier.  We'd all love to die at a ripe old age shortly after we discover we've become terminal and have had a chance get our affairs in order including telling our loved ones how much we cherish them. Or if we have to die suddenly at least it would be great if we could die in some heroic fashion- rushing into a burning building to save children perhaps. And if we have to die a longer lingering death it would be a given we'd like to do it with grace and dignity. But that doesn't happen for everyone. Some people die an unhappy ending and it adds to the sadness of the whole sucky situation. 

Philip Seymour Hoffman was a fabulous actor and seemed like a really good guy too so I was deeply saddened when I heard he died last week. After a young talented person dies in their prime with so much left to give it makes everyone ponder what could have been... it makes me kinda pissed. 

It reminds me of how Chris died. Christopher was my college sweetheart and he was a super smart, super sweet guy who died of an accidental drug overdose in 2002. He was diagnosed as bi-polar in his early twenties and instead of staying on regular medication self-medicated with drugs on and off for years. One of the things that is hard to explain to people who have never had someone they love with this issue is the backstory. Not that either dying from mental illness or drug-addiction is any worse thing to deal with then any other illness, but I do remember being mad at him that he died of something preventable. At least, not inevitable. 

There is a certain amount of embarrassment that follows a bad death and you want to protect the memory of the person you love. I'm not sure what drove PSH to drugs and to hear people talk about his talent is nice yet makes me wonder if those close to him are now feeling the same mix of anger and anguish I did. In my workshop I tell the story of how the Chicago Police notified me of Chris's death and the drama that followed. But it always makes me feel uneasy that I don't get to tell the whole story of what a brilliant engineer, great dancer, and good guy he was and how much he loved me and adored his sister and admired his grandfather. 

I still get mad at Chris sometimes even now over a decade later because he died of something as stupid as taking drugs. I get annoyed at the fights we used to have about his pride and how he hated having to be on medication yet thought little of drugging himself with street drugs. Then occasionally guilt pops up because I wasn't able to help him and I was one of his last calls. I let myself wallow for a bit then I remember we each choose our lives. Help and love was offered to him and this is the path he chose so I need to have compassion for his decisions (no matter how puzzeling I found them) and how he chose to live his life. 

If you need help with your life please get some- you deserve a decent ending and dying alone with drugs is not worthy of anyone. And if you love someone with a drug or mental illness issue tell them what you want to say now and leave no doubt how much you want them to live a good long life. Then go live a great life yourself because you deserve it and I know that's what Chris would have wanted for me and anyone he came across. 

Theme It If You Mean It!

Companies have logos, schools and sports teams uniforms and mascots, countries flags... they pick something to stand for what they're trying to showcase. Why not you?!

Each year I choose a word(s), and for the last few years a color, to represent the year ahead and I encourage the Mappers who take my workshop to do the same when they're creating theirs. I got the above picture from a friend who was at the January workshop and she chose Vitality and the color Violet for her 2014 theme. She was excited to show me how these shoes represent what she is creating for herself this year. Would she have gotten some new shoes anyway? Maybe, but when we theme projects and endeavors I think we give them an extra kick (pun intended).

Another friend/Mapper is going with the theme: Faith, Friends, Fun, Fitness with the color Fuchsia. They both picked colors that had same letter as their words (mine doesn't) but to get into having a theme for your year I highly recommend having a word and color that you love together.

Mapping out our year is by far the most important step but after you know what you want why not summarize it in a word and color and then get out there and go create an amazing 2014!

My color:                                         What's yours?

Fuchsia Rose for 2014

Vicarious Joy :)

Andy & Seth at Golden Globes 

Don't you want to be friends with Seth Meyers? I totally do- he's adorable! It warmed my heart yesterday to see how happy he was for his SNL buddy Andy Samberg's Golden Globe. He's giddy with glee at his friend's win and don't we all want friends that are this happy for our successes?

Mudita is the Buddhist word for experiencing joy for other people's good fortune or happiness. Love the word, love the sentiment, and I try and selfishly feel it as often as I can because it's truly the joy-multiplier. Feeling happy when something good happens to us is natural but feeling genuine joy for others can sometimes be difficult. Competitiveness, jealousy, and even indifference can creep in... even with people we love.

But the beauty of mudita is you can share in other's joy by living vicariously through their happiness. Being truly excited for another's success rubs good karma and joy on to us. And when it's our turn more than likely that good vibe we put out for them will come back around. Even if it doesn't, it's a way more fun way to travel through life. Seth looks pretty happy, right?!

So let's get happy for others and feel their joy- it's Golden!

Year of Areté!

2014

This year's theme is: Areté!

Basically it is defined as the act of living up to one's full potential. Achievable? Well it isn't about the destination it is about the act of living and expanding our potential everyday. I've noticed I've been improving my life, but inch by inch... this year I'm going to challenge myself to jump in and go full force. Feel free to call me on it when I'm not bringing my Areté to the party :)

What's yours?

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